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Cat vs. Monkey

writing rengeek magpie mind
Tuesday:

round 1: 5:00 PM:

Cat: MONKEY! You are in the WRONG CHAIR.
Monkey: That is because my laptop is in the shop, so I am working at my desk today.
Cat: MONKEY! You are in the WRONG CHAIR.
Monkey: You always try to throw me out of the other chair when I am working in it.
Cat: MONKEY! You are in the WRONG CHAIR.
Monkey: *rearranges furniture*
Cat: *snuggles*
Monkey: *types*


round 2: 7:00 PM

Cat: MONKEY! You are IN MY CHAIR.
Monkey: *ignores*
Cat: *sits on mouse*
Monkey: *types*
Cat: *!*
Monkey: *pushes cat out of the way*


round 3: 9:00 PM

Monkey: *done with book*
Cat: *nowhere to be seen*
Monkey: *solicits play*
Cat: I don't know you.


round 4: 10:00 PM

Cat: Monkey, what are you DOING?
Monkey: *pushes cat off TV remote*
Cat: Monkey, I'm BORED.
Monkey: *Tosses glitterball at the rump of cat who is blocking television*
Cat: biPED! EEE!
Monkey: WIKTORY!
Cat: I'll get you, my pretty.


round 5: 11:00 P.M.

Cat: Monkey, I'm cold.
Monkey: *scooches over*
Cat: Monkey, I'm HUNGRY.
Monkey: *feeds cat*



Wednesday:

round 6: 12:00 AM

Cat: Monkey, it's BEDTIME.
Monkey: *typetypetype*
Cat: MONKEY. I said BEDTIME.
Monkey: Not right now. I'm writing fanfic.
Cat: *forlorn beeping*
Monkey: Whatever.


round 7: 1:00 AM

Cat: Monkey, it's still bedtime.
Monkey: So go to bed already.


round 8: 1:30 AM:

Monkey: *goes to bed*
Cat: *awakens in dark living room, having not gone to bed after all, has panic attack, wanders around the (two room) apartment crying forlornly for the monkey* MONKEY! MONKEY! WHERE ARE YOU, MONKEY?
Monkey: Oh, for the love of Mike, Cat, I'm RIGHT HERE.
Cat: *nonchalantly climbs into bed and shoves the monkey's head off her pillow*
Monkey: :-\
Cat: :-)


round 9: 2:00 AM

Cat: *licks monkey's hand to make monkey roll over*
Monkey: I hate you.


round 10: 6:00 AM

Cat: Monkey? It's six.
Monkey: *zzzzzz*


round 11: 6:15 AM

Cat: Monkey, I said it was six. Are you okay?
Monkey: go 'way I's sleepin'


round 12: 6:17 AM:

Cat: Monkey? You're SCARING ME!
Monkey: *hits cat with pillow*


round 13: 6:25 AM:

Cat: Monkey? Monkey?! MONKEY!
Monkey: *bleh?*
Cat: MONKEY THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE AND THE GOLDFISH ARE RIOTING!
Monkey: We don't have any goldfish.
Cat: Wanker.


round 14: 6:45 AM:

Cat: Monkey, are you sure you're not dying?
Monkey: Look at it this way. If you keep this up, I'm not sure YOU'RE not dying.


round 15: 7:00 AM:

Cat: Monkey?
Monkey: ....
Cat: *walks on monkey's hair*
Monkey: *hides under comforter*
Cat: *burrows under comforter after monkey*
Monkey: s'a day OFF, schtupid cat.
Cat: *burrows harder*
Monkey: *rears up in bed and enfolds cat in comforter like the bone-sucking web-wing monsters in the Beastmaster movie*
Cat: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monkey: *won't let go of cat*
Cat: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Monkey: *ejects cat from comforter*
Cat: *huff*
Monkey: *ehe*
Cat: Monkey? You are not funny.
Monkey: *awake now*


Coda: 7:41 AM:

Monkey: *makes fun of cat on the internet*
Cat: *lurks on edge of desk, glaring like a vulture*
Monkey: Just you wait. I'm playing guitar this morning.


She's already plotting the rematch. I can tell.

Comments

( 82 comments — Leave a comment )
Page 1 of 3
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jcbemis
Feb. 28th, 2007 12:47 pm (UTC)
*giggle*
iamza
Feb. 28th, 2007 12:48 pm (UTC)
Monkeys for the win!
matociquala
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:04 pm (UTC)
It's just not fair.

WE HAVE THUMBS.
(no subject) - ronin_kakuhito - Feb. 28th, 2007 02:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sister_bluebird - Feb. 28th, 2007 04:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ronin_kakuhito - Feb. 28th, 2007 04:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
suricattus
Feb. 28th, 2007 12:48 pm (UTC)
hah.

try having two.
lil_shepherd
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:04 pm (UTC)
Or nine. Four of which are Orientals - with Siamese temperament.
(no subject) - etcet - Feb. 28th, 2007 01:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - matociquala - Feb. 28th, 2007 01:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
karenhealey
Feb. 28th, 2007 12:54 pm (UTC)
It's like the concept of Garfield, only genuinely funny.
autopope
Feb. 28th, 2007 12:58 pm (UTC)
I used to have a cat like that. (I still miss her. These two are positively sedate ...)
matociquala
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:01 pm (UTC)
She's very interactive.

Also, part Siamese, so quite vocal. She really does wander around narrating her day.
lil_shepherd
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:05 pm (UTC)
Oh, how true. And funny.

She will get her revenge.
fidelioscabinet
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:08 pm (UTC)
Since you're going to be lying around in post-book ennui for a bit, she's bound to enjoy having a limp human to abuse.
matociquala
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:13 pm (UTC)
It is so.
alankria
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:11 pm (UTC)
heehee

My cat likes to sit in front of the monitor of my parents' computer, or on the keyboard. If she's feeling frisky, she'll try to attack the mouse (and the hand trying to use it is often caught in the crossfire).

But I wouldn't have 'em any other way. ^.^
ronin_kakuhito
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:13 pm (UTC)
That was wonderful.


I miss having a reliably interactive cat.
dichroic
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:13 pm (UTC)
Rounds 8 through about 13 happened at my house as well this morning, spread from around 4-6:45 AM.

Do you suppose they have an internet too?
matociquala
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:15 pm (UTC)
KITTERNET!
(no subject) - dichroic - Feb. 28th, 2007 01:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
renatus
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:19 pm (UTC)
Oh gods. This is so hilarious because it's so true.
tryslora
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:22 pm (UTC)
This made me giggle out loud at my desk (making people in my office wonder what's so funny about sql reporting... little do they know!).

Mind if I linky, cuz I think there might be a (very) few people on my flist who don't read you (yet) and they'd get a good giggle from it.
(no subject) - matociquala - Feb. 28th, 2007 01:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
racebannon42
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:39 pm (UTC)
LOL.

Why are pets not evolved enough to comprehend days off!

One of mine decided that 4:30 am was time for him to be petted this morning. Pet or bite!
matociquala
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:43 pm (UTC)
*g* bite back?
(no subject) - elaine_brennan - Feb. 28th, 2007 08:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
maetang
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:43 pm (UTC)
Aw, hee! :^D
inamac
Feb. 28th, 2007 08:50 pm (UTC)
*heart* your tabby Orientals - they look just like mine (except for being asleep - or rather, pretending to be asleep)
(no subject) - maetang - Feb. 28th, 2007 09:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
kayselkiemoon
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:56 pm (UTC)
*chuckles*
I am verymuch looking forward to being able to have a cat. meanwhile, I fall in love during my shifts at the humane society each week.

congratulations on your victory over the death march!
shadesong
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:58 pm (UTC)
Sounds like a day with my cats...
aberrant1
Feb. 28th, 2007 02:00 pm (UTC)
Does your cat not like guitars? My last cat discovered that if he thwacked my guitar's strings it made a noise. It was his new favorite thing until one night I turned on the amp and scared him half to death.

Now I have a dog who was apparently raised by cats, but who still has a dog-like respect for boundaries. Good thing, because a 40-pound dog shoving me out of bed could get annoying fast.
a2macgeek
Feb. 28th, 2007 02:21 pm (UTC)
*giggle* As I type this right now, my cat is on my lap, having wormed her way in between me and the laptop on my lap. The lap is hers, you see. Periodically, she will attempt to push my laptop off, hoping to catch me off guard and claim sole possession of the lap.
thornsilver
Feb. 28th, 2007 02:33 pm (UTC)
And they are born knowning how to do all this stuff too!

:)
muneraven
Feb. 28th, 2007 02:56 pm (UTC)
LOL!!
Even though I am (very) locally famous for my ability to do a running monologue of what my cats are thinking at any given moment, this was CLASSIC. Made me truly laugh out loud.
khriskin
Feb. 28th, 2007 03:06 pm (UTC)
*laughs* Ah the joys of feline-dom. ^_^ Thankfully mine loves sleeping in as much as I do, but she also tends to insist that my stories 'need more cat'. Fantasy? Needs more cats. Horror? Definitely needs more cats. Far flung future space operas? I find your lack of cats disturbing...

Which is still better than the dogs, who think everything is in desperate need of Evil Squirrels(tm). *sighs*
scarlettina
Feb. 28th, 2007 03:13 pm (UTC)
Wow. Sounds like life here at Chez scarlettina, especially the walking-on-the-hair bit and the burrowing-to-hide bit. I think cats the world over conspire together and share tactics.
rokharha
Mar. 1st, 2007 07:50 am (UTC)
"especially the walking-on-the-hair bit and the burrowing-to-hide bit. I think cats the world over conspire together and share tactics."

Yes, those things went on here, too, but mine had to attempt "King-of-the-hill" when I rolled over to go to sleep, too. My hip seems to be the highest place on the bed, so when he conquered that, and was Master of All He Surveyed, I think he was finally pleased enough to get down, cuddle in, and go to sleep.

Cats.
(no subject) - matociquala - Mar. 1st, 2007 12:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
retrobabble
Feb. 28th, 2007 03:16 pm (UTC)
*snicker*
hominysnark
Feb. 28th, 2007 03:18 pm (UTC)
Your fellow Monkeys With Cats salute you.
asatomuraki
Feb. 28th, 2007 03:23 pm (UTC)
That is too funny! My cat is an adolescent, though, and he takes to attacking my ankles and elbows if the keyboard stomping is thwarted. *sigh*
coffeeem
Feb. 28th, 2007 03:27 pm (UTC)
Ee-yup, that sounds like it, all right.
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writing rengeek magpie mind
matociquala
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