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bear by san

March 2017



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bear by san

Cat vs. Monkey


round 1: 5:00 PM:

Cat: MONKEY! You are in the WRONG CHAIR.
Monkey: That is because my laptop is in the shop, so I am working at my desk today.
Cat: MONKEY! You are in the WRONG CHAIR.
Monkey: You always try to throw me out of the other chair when I am working in it.
Cat: MONKEY! You are in the WRONG CHAIR.
Monkey: *rearranges furniture*
Cat: *snuggles*
Monkey: *types*

round 2: 7:00 PM

Monkey: *ignores*
Cat: *sits on mouse*
Monkey: *types*
Cat: *!*
Monkey: *pushes cat out of the way*

round 3: 9:00 PM

Monkey: *done with book*
Cat: *nowhere to be seen*
Monkey: *solicits play*
Cat: I don't know you.

round 4: 10:00 PM

Cat: Monkey, what are you DOING?
Monkey: *pushes cat off TV remote*
Cat: Monkey, I'm BORED.
Monkey: *Tosses glitterball at the rump of cat who is blocking television*
Cat: biPED! EEE!
Monkey: WIKTORY!
Cat: I'll get you, my pretty.

round 5: 11:00 P.M.

Cat: Monkey, I'm cold.
Monkey: *scooches over*
Cat: Monkey, I'm HUNGRY.
Monkey: *feeds cat*


round 6: 12:00 AM

Cat: Monkey, it's BEDTIME.
Monkey: *typetypetype*
Monkey: Not right now. I'm writing fanfic.
Cat: *forlorn beeping*
Monkey: Whatever.

round 7: 1:00 AM

Cat: Monkey, it's still bedtime.
Monkey: So go to bed already.

round 8: 1:30 AM:

Monkey: *goes to bed*
Cat: *awakens in dark living room, having not gone to bed after all, has panic attack, wanders around the (two room) apartment crying forlornly for the monkey* MONKEY! MONKEY! WHERE ARE YOU, MONKEY?
Monkey: Oh, for the love of Mike, Cat, I'm RIGHT HERE.
Cat: *nonchalantly climbs into bed and shoves the monkey's head off her pillow*
Monkey: :-\
Cat: :-)

round 9: 2:00 AM

Cat: *licks monkey's hand to make monkey roll over*
Monkey: I hate you.

round 10: 6:00 AM

Cat: Monkey? It's six.
Monkey: *zzzzzz*

round 11: 6:15 AM

Cat: Monkey, I said it was six. Are you okay?
Monkey: go 'way I's sleepin'

round 12: 6:17 AM:

Cat: Monkey? You're SCARING ME!
Monkey: *hits cat with pillow*

round 13: 6:25 AM:

Cat: Monkey? Monkey?! MONKEY!
Monkey: *bleh?*
Monkey: We don't have any goldfish.
Cat: Wanker.

round 14: 6:45 AM:

Cat: Monkey, are you sure you're not dying?
Monkey: Look at it this way. If you keep this up, I'm not sure YOU'RE not dying.

round 15: 7:00 AM:

Cat: Monkey?
Monkey: ....
Cat: *walks on monkey's hair*
Monkey: *hides under comforter*
Cat: *burrows under comforter after monkey*
Monkey: s'a day OFF, schtupid cat.
Cat: *burrows harder*
Monkey: *rears up in bed and enfolds cat in comforter like the bone-sucking web-wing monsters in the Beastmaster movie*
Cat: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monkey: *won't let go of cat*
Monkey: *ejects cat from comforter*
Cat: *huff*
Monkey: *ehe*
Cat: Monkey? You are not funny.
Monkey: *awake now*

Coda: 7:41 AM:

Monkey: *makes fun of cat on the internet*
Cat: *lurks on edge of desk, glaring like a vulture*
Monkey: Just you wait. I'm playing guitar this morning.

She's already plotting the rematch. I can tell.


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Monkeys for the win!
It's just not fair.


try having two.
Or nine. Four of which are Orientals - with Siamese temperament.
It's like the concept of Garfield, only genuinely funny.
I used to have a cat like that. (I still miss her. These two are positively sedate ...)
She's very interactive.

Also, part Siamese, so quite vocal. She really does wander around narrating her day.
Oh, how true. And funny.

She will get her revenge.
Since you're going to be lying around in post-book ennui for a bit, she's bound to enjoy having a limp human to abuse.
It is so.
That was wonderful.

I miss having a reliably interactive cat.
Rounds 8 through about 13 happened at my house as well this morning, spread from around 4-6:45 AM.

Do you suppose they have an internet too?
Oh gods. This is so hilarious because it's so true.
This made me giggle out loud at my desk (making people in my office wonder what's so funny about sql reporting... little do they know!).

Mind if I linky, cuz I think there might be a (very) few people on my flist who don't read you (yet) and they'd get a good giggle from it.

Why are pets not evolved enough to comprehend days off!

One of mine decided that 4:30 am was time for him to be petted this morning. Pet or bite!
*g* bite back?
Aw, hee! :^D
*heart* your tabby Orientals - they look just like mine (except for being asleep - or rather, pretending to be asleep)
I am verymuch looking forward to being able to have a cat. meanwhile, I fall in love during my shifts at the humane society each week.

congratulations on your victory over the death march!
Sounds like a day with my cats...
Does your cat not like guitars? My last cat discovered that if he thwacked my guitar's strings it made a noise. It was his new favorite thing until one night I turned on the amp and scared him half to death.

Now I have a dog who was apparently raised by cats, but who still has a dog-like respect for boundaries. Good thing, because a 40-pound dog shoving me out of bed could get annoying fast.
*giggle* As I type this right now, my cat is on my lap, having wormed her way in between me and the laptop on my lap. The lap is hers, you see. Periodically, she will attempt to push my laptop off, hoping to catch me off guard and claim sole possession of the lap.
And they are born knowning how to do all this stuff too!



Even though I am (very) locally famous for my ability to do a running monologue of what my cats are thinking at any given moment, this was CLASSIC. Made me truly laugh out loud.
*laughs* Ah the joys of feline-dom. ^_^ Thankfully mine loves sleeping in as much as I do, but she also tends to insist that my stories 'need more cat'. Fantasy? Needs more cats. Horror? Definitely needs more cats. Far flung future space operas? I find your lack of cats disturbing...

Which is still better than the dogs, who think everything is in desperate need of Evil Squirrels(tm). *sighs*
Wow. Sounds like life here at Chez scarlettina, especially the walking-on-the-hair bit and the burrowing-to-hide bit. I think cats the world over conspire together and share tactics.
"especially the walking-on-the-hair bit and the burrowing-to-hide bit. I think cats the world over conspire together and share tactics."

Yes, those things went on here, too, but mine had to attempt "King-of-the-hill" when I rolled over to go to sleep, too. My hip seems to be the highest place on the bed, so when he conquered that, and was Master of All He Surveyed, I think he was finally pleased enough to get down, cuddle in, and go to sleep.

Your fellow Monkeys With Cats salute you.
That is too funny! My cat is an adolescent, though, and he takes to attacking my ankles and elbows if the keyboard stomping is thwarted. *sigh*
Ee-yup, that sounds like it, all right.
And you said I was *my* cat's bitch.

You are so funny. You are the funniest monkey ever.
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