bear by san

May 2015

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bear by san

Cat vs. Monkey

Tuesday:

round 1: 5:00 PM:

Cat: MONKEY! You are in the WRONG CHAIR.
Monkey: That is because my laptop is in the shop, so I am working at my desk today.
Cat: MONKEY! You are in the WRONG CHAIR.
Monkey: You always try to throw me out of the other chair when I am working in it.
Cat: MONKEY! You are in the WRONG CHAIR.
Monkey: *rearranges furniture*
Cat: *snuggles*
Monkey: *types*


round 2: 7:00 PM

Cat: MONKEY! You are IN MY CHAIR.
Monkey: *ignores*
Cat: *sits on mouse*
Monkey: *types*
Cat: *!*
Monkey: *pushes cat out of the way*


round 3: 9:00 PM

Monkey: *done with book*
Cat: *nowhere to be seen*
Monkey: *solicits play*
Cat: I don't know you.


round 4: 10:00 PM

Cat: Monkey, what are you DOING?
Monkey: *pushes cat off TV remote*
Cat: Monkey, I'm BORED.
Monkey: *Tosses glitterball at the rump of cat who is blocking television*
Cat: biPED! EEE!
Monkey: WIKTORY!
Cat: I'll get you, my pretty.


round 5: 11:00 P.M.

Cat: Monkey, I'm cold.
Monkey: *scooches over*
Cat: Monkey, I'm HUNGRY.
Monkey: *feeds cat*



Wednesday:

round 6: 12:00 AM

Cat: Monkey, it's BEDTIME.
Monkey: *typetypetype*
Cat: MONKEY. I said BEDTIME.
Monkey: Not right now. I'm writing fanfic.
Cat: *forlorn beeping*
Monkey: Whatever.


round 7: 1:00 AM

Cat: Monkey, it's still bedtime.
Monkey: So go to bed already.


round 8: 1:30 AM:

Monkey: *goes to bed*
Cat: *awakens in dark living room, having not gone to bed after all, has panic attack, wanders around the (two room) apartment crying forlornly for the monkey* MONKEY! MONKEY! WHERE ARE YOU, MONKEY?
Monkey: Oh, for the love of Mike, Cat, I'm RIGHT HERE.
Cat: *nonchalantly climbs into bed and shoves the monkey's head off her pillow*
Monkey: :-\
Cat: :-)


round 9: 2:00 AM

Cat: *licks monkey's hand to make monkey roll over*
Monkey: I hate you.


round 10: 6:00 AM

Cat: Monkey? It's six.
Monkey: *zzzzzz*


round 11: 6:15 AM

Cat: Monkey, I said it was six. Are you okay?
Monkey: go 'way I's sleepin'


round 12: 6:17 AM:

Cat: Monkey? You're SCARING ME!
Monkey: *hits cat with pillow*


round 13: 6:25 AM:

Cat: Monkey? Monkey?! MONKEY!
Monkey: *bleh?*
Cat: MONKEY THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE AND THE GOLDFISH ARE RIOTING!
Monkey: We don't have any goldfish.
Cat: Wanker.


round 14: 6:45 AM:

Cat: Monkey, are you sure you're not dying?
Monkey: Look at it this way. If you keep this up, I'm not sure YOU'RE not dying.


round 15: 7:00 AM:

Cat: Monkey?
Monkey: ....
Cat: *walks on monkey's hair*
Monkey: *hides under comforter*
Cat: *burrows under comforter after monkey*
Monkey: s'a day OFF, schtupid cat.
Cat: *burrows harder*
Monkey: *rears up in bed and enfolds cat in comforter like the bone-sucking web-wing monsters in the Beastmaster movie*
Cat: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monkey: *won't let go of cat*
Cat: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Monkey: *ejects cat from comforter*
Cat: *huff*
Monkey: *ehe*
Cat: Monkey? You are not funny.
Monkey: *awake now*


Coda: 7:41 AM:

Monkey: *makes fun of cat on the internet*
Cat: *lurks on edge of desk, glaring like a vulture*
Monkey: Just you wait. I'm playing guitar this morning.


She's already plotting the rematch. I can tell.

Comments

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I am now giggling hysterically at work, leading my coworkers to suspect another evil plot is being hatched.

Best start of work day EVER. :D
Here from metaquotes. Great post; thanks for the giggles, and good luck for the next round.
Cat: *awakens in dark living room, having not gone to bed after all, has panic attack, wanders around the (two room) apartment crying forlornly for the monkey* MONKEY! MONKEY! WHERE ARE YOU, MONKEY?

ROFLMAO! So, so true.

Cat vs. Monkey

The entire thing is really funny, of course, but the Beastmaster ref's what made my morning.

Monkey, you are NOT FUNNY

yes you are
::falls over laughing::
This is hysterical.
Must love cat people. :)

The last few days my Amergin (aka the dog-cat) has spent almost all of his time in the middle of my half of the bed. Most especially when i am trying to sleep on my half of the bed. And he yells at me when i get up to do..oh .. the things i am supposed to do all day. Sick child crawled in bed w/ us last night.. and THEN Amergin decided he should be even more affectionate... so instead of laying where my legs would normally have lain in stretched-out comfort he moved... to sit on my side/chest/shoulders. And purred. Loudly. Constantly. Between the coughs of a child who had thrown up numerous times the evening before (and hence, from whom any sound made me jerk in fear) and the purring, sleep was not to be found. *sigh*

And of course everyone wakes up HAPPY! at 6:34AM - except me, who would really love just 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Monkey: *done with book*
Cat: *nowhere to be seen*
Monkey: *solicits play*
Cat: I don't know you.

Well, of course not. She was sitting on your newly-fluffed pillow :)
Cat: Monkey, are you sure you're not dying?

I laughed outloud and nearly spit coffee on my keyboard at this.
My boss is now lurking behind me, wondering how many times he has to see me reading LJ instead of working before he can reprimand me.

my keyboard is intact but my job may not be ...

I too laughed out loud.

(Luckily I work at a Tech company that pretty much shuts down at 11:30 for lunch. I may still be employed.)

Is it a requirement that writers have cats who keep them sane when the writing gets insane? It seems to work at our house.

*absofeckinglutely dies of laughter*

My trio, thankfully, aren't plotting together. Otherwise I think they'd win.
She's already plotting the rematch. I can tell.


Cats always win.
Too cute. Funny, but cute. As a matter of fact, it's so sweet I think I developed a cavity right back hewah.
Ah... oh... my stomach hurts...

I SO know this cat. I have two of 'em. If you think being made to wake up at 6 AM is something to fuss about, try being double-teamed by a yowling brother-and-sister pair who won't take no for an answer.

At half past fricking FOUR. In the morning.
That's fantastic. Thanks for sharing it!

Sent by wispfox.
Here from metaquotes. This is seriously the funniest thing about cats I've ever read. It makes me miss the kitty I left at home when I came here to college. :(
Damn primates!
You just made me giggle hopelessly and conspicuously at work. SO AWESOME.
She's a great cat. She's also sulking, I think. I haven't seen her in hours.
*gleeful splorfle*
funny funny cat cat.

Ah, yes

Multiply that times five at my house, plus one English Bulldog. Ha!
LOL!!! Found this via a friend of mine. That's hysterical! I have a cat like that and I know friends of mine have cats like that too.
Hee. Glad you liked it.
Heh. I can sooo see and hear this epic battle between you and Mebd :-)
I would not be surprised if you have photos. *g*
I don't very often post "ROFLMAO" comments, but this one takes the prize :)
ROTFLMAO! :-D Well, okay, so maybe I wasn't rolling on the floor, and I still have my ass, but damned if I wasn't literally laughing out loud when I read this. Would you mind if I linked this in my LJ? I feel a desperate need to share this with the cat lovers/owners on my flist.
Link away!
Oh my great good gods, that was hilarious!

(I'm a friend of Allison's. Got a great picture of David shooting last time I was down to visit him).
Hi! Nice to meet you!
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