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bear by san

February 2017



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phil ochs troubador

Kris Kristofferson continues to thwart me.

It's these damned E7s.

In other news, still no appreciable lack of suck on my Bmaj. I have in fact commenced to cheat, and just not strum the bottom two strings, but I really need to suck it up and practice the barre. Alas, wah, don't wanna.

I might get the truck back today or tomorrow, if I am lucky, which would mean I could hit the gym over the weekend, which would be good, because weights would help my shoulder and I want to go a few rounds with the heavy bag. Also, if I don't start working out again pronto I'm going to start dropping muscle mass, and we hate that.

And I am supposed to write my column for the next Subterranean this week. I should do my Storytellersunplugged column too, before I have to write the novella. And the short story.

Of course, I got bupkiss.

There is nothing left in the barrel but marmite, folks.

Suddenly, I'm in the position of turning down work because I just don't have time to do it. This is, I have to say, not a problem I ever expected to have. It is a nice problem to have: I'm not complaining. It's just requiring some careful prioritizing.

Theoretically, I suppose, I could find time to do more than I do. But I suspect that quality would start dropping, and I don't want to be That Guy. I mean, I am willing to work my ass off. I do pretty much work my ass off.

But I need an hour a day at the gym and an hour a day on the guitar, and time to read (research) and keep up with the online community and see friends. And I need to refill the well, lest I start writing the same book over and over and over and over.... and deadlines and unfinished work make me very anxious, frankly, so I have a tendency to work until things are done. Which means that I never stop working, and....

Also, I'm terrified that if I just started throwing schlock at the wall, it would sell better than the stuff I put my heart and soul into, and there's no way out of that situation except on the end of a gun. 

So if I seem to be dropping a lot of email correspondences and failing to return a lot of phone calls lately, I'm sorry. It's mental energy I just do not currently have. It's not that I don't like people, but I'm really a terrible introvert, and I find communication with anybody who's not a close friend incredibly tiring.

Maybe I'll finish reading Watership Down today.

At least it's archery night. That's something non brain-strainy to look forward to.

Meanwhile, back to getting my ass kicked by Mr. Kristofferson.


Never give up the hour at the gym or the hour at the guitar unless something just as cathargic but better comes along.

you rock and don't be terrified: there is no need to loose your integrity and write schlock to get it to sell better.