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brain the size of a planet, and what do they have me do?

  • Mar. 13th, 2007 at 10:59 AM
criminal minds reid mathematics
I can do this.

And I figured out, after screwing up an equation and having to go back and do it over again and seeing quite clearly how I screwed it up (which was by messing up my order of operations, thank you very much), why I can do it now when I couldn't, fifteen years ago.

It's because I've spent the last fifteen years of my life teaching myself to process information in a linear fashion so I could write books that people understood.

Which is why, fifteen years ago, I couldn't write a short story to save my life, but I generated poetry like dropping leaves. And now, if I try to write a poem longer than a sonnet, it turns into a narrative on me, because the gestalt thing I used to be able to do is not so easy anymore.

Holy shit.

I PATCHED MY BRAIN.

Which means maybe I can teach myself to write poetry again. And--moreover--I bet it means I can teach myself to read the way I used to, and codeswitch between gestalt and linear thinking styles. And between gestalt and linear reading styles.

DUDE!

I CAN HACK THE GRAY JELLY! I mean, I knew I could hack the gray jelly: I've figured out how to hack my biochemical and trauma issues pretty well over the last twenty-five years or so. But the idea that I can hack the synaptic processing and the right/left brain divide? 

That's so freaking awesome.

bwaaahahahahahahahahahahahah.

I love my brain.
*smooches brain*

Dear brain,

All is forgiven. Yes, even that. And that other thing, too.

Love, Bear.
  • Mood: ecstatic
  • Music:Mannheim Steamroller - Greensleeves

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Comments

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[info]heathwitch wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 03:19 pm (UTC)
Yay! Congrats! :)

And psst: ponies and archery (bottom video) :)
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 03:23 pm (UTC)
...is that a dancing vampire?

*hypnotized*
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[info]heathwitch wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 03:25 pm (UTC)
Yup. :p
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[info]belmikey wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 03:20 pm (UTC)
See, the thing is...I consider writing to be an attempt to hack OTHER PEOPLE's grey jelly (and writing code to be telling stories to computers; the big difference being that computers have to believe what you tell them)...

So it doesn't surprise me at all that you can hack your own grey jelly :-)
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 03:22 pm (UTC)
Nah. I mean, writing is incredibly manipulative, but it's not the same thing at all, by me. Because the effective manipulation starts from the foundation of assumptions and prejudices and considered opinions that the reader brings in.

It's conjuring and stage magic and all this other stuff, but not reprogramming.

That's my take, anyway.
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[info]wordweaverlynn wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 04:14 pm (UTC)
Not direct reprogramming. But it does have a subtle, ongoing influence. That's one reason stories matter.

And congratulations for hacking the gray matter!
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[info]fidelioscabinet wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 03:24 pm (UTC)
*offers Bear seat in triumphal barge*

*cues musicians in 18th-century clothing to start playing Handel's Water Music on second barge*

*gives signal to minions to commence major fireworks display*

Once your brain has achieved the capacity to see where it took the wrong turn, whether it was that left at Albuquerque or something else, it can accomplish almost anything.

Congratulations on a successful hack!
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 03:29 pm (UTC)
It took me like four tries to find it. And then I was like, "oh. well that was fucken stupid."

And the angels sang hosannahs.
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[info]scarlettina wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 03:30 pm (UTC)
Heh. You're kind of hilarious. Congrats on the patch. :-)
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 03:50 pm (UTC)
I am?

*g* what did I do that was funny?
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[info]marykaykare wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 03:30 pm (UTC)
Is there a way to hack biochemical issues without drugs? Asks the woman with serious biochemical issues.

Also, check this out http://ozarque.livejournal.com/384410.html?mode=reply

MKK
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 03:58 pm (UTC)
I'm diagnosed bipolar, and have never been medicated. (There have been some bouts of self-medication, FWIW.)

What is effective for me is lots of exercise (generally speaking, seems to be as effective a mood stabilizer as anything the prescribe, with side effects I vastly prefer), about fifteen years worth of cognitive therapy, and the ego keeping a weather eye on the meat puppet and knowing the signs. Just *knowing* the emotion is chemical and not real makes all the difference in the world, and I can run herd on the crazy.

However, comma, I do not recommend this technique for most people, given the suicide rate for unmedicated bipolar disorder and the fact that I am apparently some kind of freak of nature. And it took me about twenty years to learn to do it.

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[info]marykaykare wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 04:29 pm (UTC)
Hmm. I've got a bipolar 2 diagnosis. Which means, for those in the audience who may be wondering, full blown depression but not full blow mania, hypomania instead. How unfair is that?

So yeah, I can ride herd on the crazy (the hypomania) but not the depression. Not even knowing it's biochemical helps enough. Undoubtedly I should try to get more exercise, but I have yet to find the level of exercise where the endorphins kick in. Sometimes I wonder if I'm endorphin deficient as well as seritonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine deficient.

Sigh. Welll, thanks anyhow.

MKK
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 04:34 pm (UTC)
When I was worse, I needed between forty-five minutes and an hour and a half of exercise *every day.*

These days, I can get by with an hour most days, or two hours of high-intensity exercise (weight lifting, ski machine) three times a week.

It's not about endorphins, actually. Exercise normalizes serotonin levels in many people. (I half suspect the current epidemic levels of depression are from sitting on our asses all the time.)
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[info]feyandstrange wrote:
Mar. 14th, 2007 05:59 am (UTC)
Not to mention how come people who become disabled fairly suddenly also become depressed, nine times out of ten. It's not just that being a cripple is bloody depressing; it's that your exercise options are screwed.
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 14th, 2007 11:43 am (UTC)
amen dat.
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[info]nancylebov wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 04:05 pm (UTC)
It's hard to decide just what's biochemical and what isn't, but I'm getting good results from mostly talk (with some energy work) therapy for a level of depression/inertia which I think I could have gotten drugs for.

Chi gung also seems to help. And not eating much sugar.

Recommended books for chi gung: _The Way of Energy_ by Lam Kam Chuen and _Qi Gong for Staying Young_ by Shoshanna Katzman, but chi gung alone wasn't doing the job for me.
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[info]rarelytame wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 08:04 pm (UTC)
I have bipolar as well. I totally agree with Bear that just knowing it's chemical helps you corral The Crazy.

As for knowing what's chemical and what isn't, I tend to automatically assume that any extremes of emotion are caused by the bipolar. Then I wait them out. If they stick around consistently, then I start to consider other causes for them and address those causes accordingly. For me, bipolar mood swings are just a waiting game. All things pass in time.

Of course, the side effect is the delayed reaction time in certain instances that could perhaps have been better handled swiftly. That said, I've found the delay is rarely a handicap. Most things that cause legitimate highs or lows on either end of the mood-swing spectrum seem to be better handled with a little distance.
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[info]truepenny wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 04:10 pm (UTC)
I love you.
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[info]elisem wrote:
Jul. 29th, 2007 08:03 pm (UTC)
What the truepenny doth love, that do I love also.

And this post is a lifesaver. I keep returning to it. (Which is why I figured I'd better say something already. *grin*)
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Jul. 29th, 2007 08:10 pm (UTC)
*hug*

And good timing, because you just reminded me that it existed, and I needed to be reminded of this today.
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[info]elisem wrote:
Jul. 29th, 2007 08:27 pm (UTC)
Large weather we're having, huh?

Hey, I have a cunning plan I need to remember to e-mail you about. Save Friday night of Fourth Street, OK?
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[info]razorsmile wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 04:13 pm (UTC)
Sweet! Way to get a headstart on the whole posthuman thing ;p
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[info]panjianlien wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 04:29 pm (UTC)
Don't forget to add the 'wetware hacker' line to your CV!
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 04:33 pm (UTC)
*loff*
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[info]irismoonlight wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 06:05 pm (UTC)
Yay! Wetware splicing on the fly can be tricky business requiring much patience and practice. Congratulations on achieving mastery!
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 06:57 pm (UTC)
What's hysterical is that, now that I have the linear thing more under control, the dyscalculia stands out like woo.

Like, on another problem, I multiplied 2x3 three times, and each time I got 8.

Yes, I know. And I didn't find the error until I spent ten minutes looking, either, and started specifically looking for that extra two I knew had to be in there somewhere, because that was how much my answer was off by.

Because my brain is SURE that 8 is the right answer.

Oh, brain. Dear brain.

No.
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[info]lnhammer wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 06:32 pm (UTC)
Yay narrative poetry!

(I've come to suspect that while our brains in our 30s are no longer as spongy in the soaking-up-learning sense as they were in our teens, they're more flexible. Some time in the past 20 years, I learned the skill that lets me talk while playing the piano. I haven't yet tested whether I can sing while playing.)

---L.
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 06:53 pm (UTC)
Actually, my brain seems to get more flexible as I grow older.

But apparently, contrary to what we've thought all these years, there are two different styles of creativity. One is the early brilliance, which usually seems to peter out by 30 or so. And then there's a style that kicks in around 30 and continues to evolve.

Interesting, huh?

And comforting for those of us who aren't Erwin Schrodinger.
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[info]raecarson wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 06:59 pm (UTC)
Heh. I did exactly the opposite. I've always been Ms. Linear, but purely left-brained novels tend to have...I dunno...less heart? Learning to see things in groupings and patterns helped me flesh out theme and character a lot better.

And I'm convinced that trying to write helped me get my current job, which is a kind of visualization geometry.

And THIS is why I love writing so much. It's the thing I do that uses most of my brain at once. It's like a marriage of the mind, except both minds are mine.
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 07:04 pm (UTC)
Seriously.

Writing is the hardest thing I've ever done.

I love it. *g*
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[info]rarelytame wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 07:53 pm (UTC)
Only peripherally on topic:

While you're hacking into things, maybe you could check the literature map and see if you can figure out why you aren't there? I stumbled into it, and as a Bear fan, you were of course the first writer I tried. You can imagine my disappointment when nothing came up. Lots of other (in my opinion, lesser) authors came up, but no Bear. :(
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 08:13 pm (UTC)
Because they love me not!
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[info]rarelytame wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 08:33 pm (UTC)
WHAT?!

Impossible. Perhaps they are merely unenlightened.

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[info]chipmunk_planet wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 09:06 pm (UTC)
Love. That. Icon.

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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 13th, 2007 09:07 pm (UTC)
swipe if you like! you know the provenances, I assume?
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[info]feyandstrange wrote:
Mar. 14th, 2007 06:08 am (UTC)
Yay for brain hacking! It's one of my favorite things to do.

Although I do get pissed when I can't make software changes due to goobers in the underlying hardware or chemicals. All the conscious work in the world didn't make a lot of things stick for me until I got medicated properly.

But like you say, just knowing that something's chemical - or that behavior X is a result of thing B which may or may not be biochemical in nature - is such a big help. Especially if that turns into a workaround, as in "OMG I am teh depressed and everything I do is teh suck! I will never write again, waaahngst thrash ... wait, what? Oh, hey, blood sugar below the red line. Hey, I bet a sandwich will cure that career crisis. Hello, sandwich. Hey, look, now I'm fine." Or, at least, it enables one to compensate for the bullshit biological signals a little. "I'm not actually suicidal. I just need lunch. Lunch break is in a half an hour; I will live that long. And tomorrow I will eat a nutritious breakfast to avoid this problem." (I use blood sugar because everyone has that one to some extent and can relate.)

Yay for flexibility and plasticity of the brain.

Note to self: grow new motor cortex. New nerves would be neat too.
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 14th, 2007 11:44 am (UTC)
I more go spree killer. Homicidal, *then* suicidal.

But lunch often does fix it. Or a workout.

What is the possible evolutionary advantage of this shit, I ask you?
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[info]feyandstrange wrote:
Mar. 14th, 2007 07:51 pm (UTC)
Well, they say clinical depression probably got us through the Ice Age winters. Bipolar? Not so sure. It may be a skewed version of the thing that makes is so that families tend to have both morning people and evening people, thus splitting up the watch.

Or maybe it's like sickle-cell; it's a disadvantage now, but the bipolar gene once protected us from, I dunno, sabertooth cats.
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 14th, 2007 08:46 pm (UTC)
Yeah, because no sabertooth cat is gonna fuck with a hairless plains ape running at it and screaming bloody murder.

Seriously.

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[info]von_krag wrote:
Jul. 29th, 2007 09:32 pm (UTC)
News knees are on my list.


Though I'd not turn down what's on yours either.
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[info]melissima wrote:
Mar. 14th, 2007 03:19 pm (UTC)
Congratu
Wow. Thats--that's awesome.

Also this?

"It's because I've spent the last fifteen years of my life teaching myself to process information in a linear fashion so I could write books that people understood."

*rolls up sleeves, gets ready for 15 years of hard work*

any pointers on getting started with that?

Here's a side note: My real-life alter-ego will be at Penguicon in April, and I can tell from your craft posts that much wonderful stuff will be discussed. I can't wait!
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 14th, 2007 03:27 pm (UTC)
Re: Congratu
Um. Grim determination and a lot of shoveling?

I look forward to meeting you!
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[info]mswyrr wrote:
Mar. 15th, 2007 09:49 am (UTC)
I love my brain.
*smooches brain*

I've never 'shipped real life people before, but Bear/Bear's Brain is totally my new OTP. Your love is so full of discovery! And books! ;)
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[info]matociquala wrote:
Mar. 15th, 2007 11:34 am (UTC)
Hee. It might be a platonic love!

(Our love is so pure because my brain is squooshy and encased in a bone vault.)
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