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bear by san

February 2017



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writing shadow unit chaz gravity

Well, that was a pretty productive day

My current bout of emo and ennui is being laid at the feet of insufficient dairyfat, and as a result, I am treating it by P.O. administration of macaroni and cheese, which seems to be helping. Low blood sugar is nobody's friend.

Well, I did a final-polish draft of "Knock on Coffins," which might even be done and which I somehow didn't hate, and I did another draft of "Overkill," which involved adding ~1500 words to it. I'm feeling like the story is broken and also not very good, but since I can't actually identify anything in specific wrong with it other than "WAHHHH!" and I can't figure out what else i Might be doing with it other than randomly sticking in bits of padding that serve no actual narrative purpose, I'm going to chalk that reaction up to me being stupid and emo rather than any actual problems with the story, and get the hell on with my life.

And now I'm going to archery. To shoot things.



While I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing "WAHHHH!" right now, I'm kind of glad you are, and are willing to talk about it.

I feel like that on nearly everything I write, and I'm a total piker by comparison.

Reading that you have the same experience is very comforting to me. Because it's all about me, you know.


Hah. Hi!

Actually, there's a long involved funny story about why I decided to complain bitterly and unprofessionally about my artistic inadequacies in a public forum. More or less, when I was a tiny baby writer, I stumbled across a blog entry of Neil Gaiman's in which he talked about why he didn't talk about the daily slog of writing. And it was very funny.

Essentially (and I am paraphrasing from memory) it went something like, "Because then my blog would look like, 'Day 7: Won the lottery, fell in love, wrote 365 words all of which will have to be discarded. Worst day ever. Day 29: House burned down, cat died, got 1500 words and nearly all of them good! What a great day!' Nobody wants to read that."

And I thought... actually, I would find that really comforting.


So I resolved, if I were ever published, I would write just that blog. And dignity be damned.

And, well. Here it is.

The most frustrating thing for me is when I feel like it's just not good enough, and I can't figure out why or how it's weak or how to make it better.
i used to like spaghetti with too much butter and garlic and cheese and oregano and more butter. Alas, i can't do that any more..

And you forgot to brag about your story on io9, and all the bragging they did on you.
Strangely, I had that for lunch yesterday.

I figure I will enjoy my carbs until the doctor makes me stop.

I'll mention the review the next time I do a roundup.
we are proud to announce that whole grain bread seems to be helping my aged body.. And being a polack i would rather have bread than cake.. Now if i could get some decent rye bread here.
Move north to civilization?
can't afford it, gov'ner. The local Fresh Market has decent pumpernickle, and Whole Paycheck has good bread. The local baker is run by Germans, and their rye is pretty wimpy.
Hope the shooting things worked out ok.

There seems to be a lot of emo about. I've managed to quell the emo round these parts with cake and it is working thus far. I may start carrying some around for emergency administration. Although sometimes, you just gotta emote.
I murdered heck out of a poor cardboard deer. *g*

My emo tonight appears to be biochemical, but I am fighting back with beer and tea.
"Knock on Coffins" is a wicked title!
It's from something David Berkowitz, the Son of Sam killer, said.
Ah. Well, that gives it a different tone, doesn't it?
oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah.
I find Earl Grey helps a lot.

I'm sort of stuck with two half-begun projects that need to be completed, and my spirit is torn between 'get going and finish the bloody things' and 'who will ever care?'
Tea. Or Shiraz. Both therapeutic.
I agree with both!
One of my favorite Police songs ever. And remarkably appropriate for emo. (And also for killing cardboard forest animals, suitably amended: "Driven to Deers"...)

Do you have a favored mac&cheese recipe? I disliked it intensely as a kid and as a result have not collected recipes for it, but lately I've been fed one to-die-for (and possibly -from) version made with sour cream and another beautifully spiced with fresh-ground black pepper, and now I find I'm jonesing.
Sadly, I mostly just either make a white sauce and add cayenne and cheese (and then dump it over pasta), or I make Annie's box mac, but with extra cheddar cheese, and good yogurt for the fluid instead of milk.
Mm. Both work as alternatives to La Mama's overly milky version. Duly noted, and mille grazie.
This afternoon I had a headache that was brought on by a french fry deficiency. Funny how those things work.
Happens more often than you'd think.
Mac and cheese helps everything. It may be because there are so many wonderful variations that you can just tailor it to how you feel that day...
It is so.

Stuff is pretty close to perfect: fat, carbs, protein. All it needs is like a sliced-up orange on the side.
I toss in a handful of chopped tomato at the end. Close enough for government work.
Green peas!

If you were healthy, you could use whole wheat pasta.