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bear by san

February 2017



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bear by san

And while you're at it, I want a pony.

February 29th would have been my second wedding anniversary, if I were still married. (The alert among you will have already figured out that this means I got married in 2000.) I've been separated for over two years now, and divorced for six months, and I have realized something recently.

I am ready to start dating again.

Of course, I have no idea how a self-employed artist would meet people. A friend of mine has been exploring the wilds of Craig's list for similar purposes, but her results have been mixed enough that I'm totally hesitant to try that. On the other hand, I'm also enough at a loss that on the way home from Fall River (it's about a two hour drive) tonight I started composing a personal ad.

Let's see.

Self-employed, financially independent artist seeks person(s) for acquaintanceship, flirtation, possible escalation. I am: divorced, female, 36, eclectic, geeky, mercurial, empathic, intellectual, opinionated, radical, insecure, overscheduled, tactile, energetic, intimidating, picky, prickly, defensive, spontaneous, amusing, tough, devoid of ownership issues, bad at communicating needs strongly, moderately traumatized but so over the glamour of my own tragic past, and can cook. I am looking for someone(s) who is/are: 25-55, single or in an open relationship, solvent, outdoorsy, creative, adventurous, ethical, ambitious, geeky, competent, active, curious, friendly, funny, and not a picky eater.

Anybody not within a reasonable commute of Hartford, CT, need not apply.

And then it occurred to me... I could ask my Internets!  So there you go.

Internets, set me up with your friends!


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I've put a cabana boy on a first class flight from Heathrow!

(you should come to New York in August when I go there for my birthday! We can go on the lash/pull!)
*I'm* actually a trained Junior Cabana Boy from way back!

... apparently one of the first things you're supposed to learn in Cabana Boy School is not to give your mother drinks, lest she and the rest of the boat decide to go topless to "Give the tugboat captains some entertainment." O_o

And yes, I do have childhood trauma; why do you ask? ^_^
Asking the internetz? You are out of your ever loving mind, woman.

I heartily salute you and wish you the best of luck on your quest.
I warn you. There are single, hot (?), entertaining guys on the internet. They just have slightly receeding hairlines at 24.
A Certain Someone* just listened to me read this post.

I believe he started saying "I'm available"** when I got to the "ready to start dating" line.


*the same Certain Someone who likes to throw evil care-bears armed with lolipops at his D&D players.

**open relationships.

Well, you know. I am asking my internets to set me up. *g*
I met E through an online dating service - it's changed it's name from when we did it. It's now called Tickle, I think.

Match.com and Eharmony aren't bad. I think I have a three month free thing from eharmony I can send you. They keep trying to get me to come back.
I'm pretty sure that for eHarmony you have to be strictly heterosexual.

I know one person who used match.com, and her results indicated that 40-something divorced women have *NO* problem finding interested & interesting men.
I would suggest crossposting this to bipolypagangeek. It's a good demographic match for the people you're looking for.
That defeats the purpose of using my friends as a filter. *g*
How about a Fling at Duckon?
You are about to be overwhelmed by screaming fan-boys.


You could keep a man in every major con city.

Lemme think.
I am inherently dubious about dating services. Mailing lists or whatevers for locals interested in (insert Bear interest here) allow you to online-screen and possibly have group meetups with folks some of whom may be single, interesting, and with whom you already have at least one common interest. Sometimes there are even singles groups which have an interest as their bonding factor, like "Date Night at the Rock Gym" or "Singles Meetup Night for Guitar Students". Because meeting people on the internet, then in a group of people with something in common, is fifteen thousand times less horrible than a blind date or a bar.
Sounds good - except for the minor detail of the Atlantic Ocean between us :-)

Ongoing problem. :-(
Also, congrats on your recovery.
Thank you. *g*

I'm still not sure this is a great idea, but hey. You gotta start sometime...
If you were on the west coast, I'd be hooking you up with a particular friend down in CA right off the bat. As it is though, congratulations- you're probably going to need hip-waders to get through all the people at cons who now know you're "on the market."
Hee. I did the long-distance relationship thing. Scarred for life.

Thank you, though. *g*
Go classical, make them bring you dead dragons... Oh... wait, you like dragons... Never mind.
I can offer one really hawt stage combat expert from NYC and/or one really talented (ahem) fire captain from CT.

Your choice :)
I don't have any surplus gentlemen friends at the moment, but I've been directed to tell you that you're emphatically included in a party invitation for 3/29 in Troy, NY.

Two hours away, no further than Boston, really. And very congenial folks. And Munchkin was mentioned among the evening's amusements.

Maybe they've got a surplus gentleman!

Also, I do get a lot of entertainment out of OKSt^H^HCupid.
Mmm. Parties with a bunch of strangers when I am on deadline and need to be home on my computer.

Not so much, for this introvert. But thank you! *g*
*Reads your ad.*

*Wonders how you already know aquila_dominus well enough to describe him to an eerily accurate degree, but haven't already gone out with him.*

*Shrugs, reads him the ad, then gives a nudge in his direction.*

I can vouch for his being an honourable gent of many and varied talents, who plays very nicely with others.
I am trying to convince her to come to the party despite the deadlines!
Most of the men I know are either married or not interested in women. However, this place looks intriguing--

Geek 2 Geek
I've been trying Geek to Geek without much any success, but part of that may be my approach.
I don't think writing's going to work well here, although IRC is a different animal.

Honestly, it's asking a bit much to expect people to recognize in textual form what they actually want. :P

F.ex. youuuuu need more faults in your 'looking for.' That probably wouldn't be a bad way of writing an ad actually. "Willing to put up with minor gaming and/or sports addiction in exchange for recognition of and compensation for same. Non-debilitating awkwardness acceptable. Etc. Etc."
If you do use that ad, I suggest stating gender or genders you're interested in.

Perhaps you could arrange to have an ad in the Fourth Street Fantasy program book? Most of the people will be from nowhere near Hartford; but you never know.
I did.

I said "person."
What, there's no one suitable at the climbing gym? You're not going to find anyone hotter than a climber boy.
(I'm sure climber girls are also plenty cute; I just didn't happen to notice them so much.)
Use the LiveJournal random journal link. Read journals. Comment some strange man. Promptly forget about the comment for a month until he comments back. Strike up a conversation over instant messenger. Find out he's Canadian and go "great! Flirtation with no pressure or fear of a relationship!"

Eleven months later, have him move in with you.

The random journal link is a little creepy that way. An ex-boyfriend found me that way and decided it was a sign that it was time to end five years of Not Speaking; we're now close friends and colleagues.
Since it's not possible to interpret Kansas City and any part of Connecticut as being within commuting distance of each other, I cannot throw my nephew at you.

I shall wish you luck instead.
Alas. If he's got your sense of humor, I'd totally date him.
Do not post on craigslist. You will be overwhelmed by unrequested pictures of people's genitalia. In something like 15 minutes of posting.

OK Cupid is somewhat OK. Have you tried it?
Not doing dating sites. Too much like work, I think. And it defeats the purpose of pre-filtering through acquaintances.
I'm going to be doing a reading at the UConn bookstore in Storrs CT - I don't have a clue how reasonable a distance that is - on the 18th of March - wanna do dinner, pretty lady? [batting eyelashes]
It's about an hour. And yes, I would. I can take you to Willington Pizza. *g*

Email me your cell? How is 6 pm?
Ack! People are giving you *advice* when you asked for soylent greenpeople!

Be merciful, matociquala!
Yeah, that always happens. *g* Ask for something specific, get unsolicited other options.

Unsolicited advice, the primary emotional transaction of lj.
Quite unfortunately, I don't have anyone to throw in your direction, but I am being quite amused at the very many comments assuming that of course you want a guy.
Well, hey. I like boys. *g*

Now...if you're serious about that pony... I happen to know the right connections.

Guy friends in the North East? Uh... howzabout that pony?
Alas. It would have to be a long-distance pony....
Sadly, I am a picky eater (ketchup is the devil).
And all the people I thought of off the bat, like elanya don't live near enough to you at the moment (or were fictional :).

There's the answer right there...

Date fictional people.

My girlfriend has two or three fictional boyfriends.

Not including me.

Since I'm not fictional.

Am I?

Now I'm nervous.
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