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bear by san

February 2017



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bear by san

And while you're at it, I want a pony.

February 29th would have been my second wedding anniversary, if I were still married. (The alert among you will have already figured out that this means I got married in 2000.) I've been separated for over two years now, and divorced for six months, and I have realized something recently.

I am ready to start dating again.

Of course, I have no idea how a self-employed artist would meet people. A friend of mine has been exploring the wilds of Craig's list for similar purposes, but her results have been mixed enough that I'm totally hesitant to try that. On the other hand, I'm also enough at a loss that on the way home from Fall River (it's about a two hour drive) tonight I started composing a personal ad.

Let's see.

Self-employed, financially independent artist seeks person(s) for acquaintanceship, flirtation, possible escalation. I am: divorced, female, 36, eclectic, geeky, mercurial, empathic, intellectual, opinionated, radical, insecure, overscheduled, tactile, energetic, intimidating, picky, prickly, defensive, spontaneous, amusing, tough, devoid of ownership issues, bad at communicating needs strongly, moderately traumatized but so over the glamour of my own tragic past, and can cook. I am looking for someone(s) who is/are: 25-55, single or in an open relationship, solvent, outdoorsy, creative, adventurous, ethical, ambitious, geeky, competent, active, curious, friendly, funny, and not a picky eater.

Anybody not within a reasonable commute of Hartford, CT, need not apply.

And then it occurred to me... I could ask my Internets!  So there you go.

Internets, set me up with your friends!


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What sexes and/or genders are you interested in?

Hmm. Personally, I fail on two of your criteria. Oh, well. (In my opinion, the "outdoors" is what we invented "indoors" in order to avoid.)
Persons! I said!

(and you know, much of this is negotiable.)


I have commented on your short on-line pieces in my blog on Friday and the two in-print Promethean Age books today. http://www.data-raptors.com/global-cgi-bin/cgiwrap/emgrasso/blosxom.cgi

Sorry I can't help on the social front: my Connecticut days are almost exactly half my lifetime ago, and most of my social life then was from joining the SCA. I think my sexual orientation is spinster librarian.

Re: OT

thank you!
Me! Me! Pick me!!
Where do you live? Send email. *g*
I have a good number of friends who are

...did you seriously put geeky and active that close together on a list of requirements? I mean, I know active geeks, but they're sort of a rarity, aren't they?...


Not so sure about the location requirement, sadly. Which is a pity.
I married a guy whose idea of bonding was watching TV for hours on end.

I like to hike and climb rocks.

Not such a good match. :-P

But you know, there's dating and there's marriage, and they're different. And I'm flexible. *g*

you dont know me

but I followed a link via lissa_dora post and I wanted to say that this is a great want ad.

Good luck

Re: you dont know me

LOL. Thank you.
umm, how do you feel about kids? ;)
They're terrified of me. *g*

*le pout*

*plots to move closer*

I'm kidding, of course, though I have to admit to a huge crush. ;D

Thank you.
For some reason, I find it hard to imagine you married to someone (at around the time when I started reading you, too, wtf?!)

But I CAN see you with an array of boi-toi's... OoO! Or dashing older men! ;D Love me some of those...

And you *are* gonna be up to your neck in drooling fanbois and -girl's at your next con, once they catch whiff that your'e on the market. Bear Groupies! ^u^
Damn it, NS is just too far away from Conneticut. Just as well, I suppose, since I totally fail on the "not a picky eater" thing. Big time. *g*

Good luck!

Well, for you, I might make an exception.

But NS is too far away.

Thank you!

140 comments already. Wow!

People must really want to set you up!

Me? I am too fat/old/far away/ugly and not ready for another relationship right now. Otherwise I would jump at the chance to recommend myself! I mean, I *so* fit your requirements. :-P

Re: 140 comments already. Wow!

LOL. It's okay, I'm fat, ugly, and far away too. And I'm working on the old thing.
Historically, I've ended up with girlfriends out of the general social group I spend time with anyway. This only works if you spend time with a social group of considerable size, and I suspect it of working better when more of the group is of an age younger than my current one (seems to me that on the *average* relationships run shorter early on, and people gradually make them longer as they get better at it; but only on the average of course, not always).

I do know at least two cases of people who found first-rate partners through dating services. This is very contrary to my expectations especially for my friends -- who are generally Not Normal, as you might say. But I'm less abnormal now than I used to be (society has changed more than me), and perhaps the matching process is smarter now too.

I'm not well-endowed with friends in commuting range of Hartford, I don't believe, so I don't think I can do anything directly useful.
Society is growing up. Or something.

Or maybe regressing.

My social group is, alas, failing to provide possibilities. There are one or two available people whom I would cheerfully at least *try* dating, but it's pretty obvious that the feeling is not returned, so...

It's to the internets!
As I am a) too young by three years; b) somewhat frightened by the large room with the blue ceiling and funny green pillars with fronds on; c) probably too far from Hartford, CT by a good hour (goddamnable NJ, where I live); d, and most importantly) too likely to fangirl you all agape-like, which always gets weird -- I won't throw myself in the pool.

But here for the record is the acknowledgement of the total crush. *laughs* You rock.
Scary Big Room!

(Thank you.)
If we were anywhere near close enough, my friend Todd is very single, geeky, a fencer like me, funny, sweet, LOVES cats, but Illinois is definately not in your area.

(The PC opines that he can move closer.)
I see there are 151 comments, which is too many to read, so you may not. However, I sincerely hope they are not creepy "date me" offers. However, I do suggest http://www.okcupid.com/ I'm a Social Worker, and I found the matching software fascinating. It's free, and you need not actually talk to anyone of nobody takes your fancy. Just answering questions and then seeing who turns up on your list is neat though. I actually thought it might make a good character generator, if one answered the questions as if one were a certain character, then see who pops up as matches for them. I'm geeky like that.
See, if you were closer to me I would bring you to the friendly and weird social gatherings of my friends.

Picking partners from my social group has only lead to horrible trust issues and additional emotional scars 50% of the time.

But the other 50% makes up for it. A lot. Have I mentioned that recently? Although, of course, this is of the rather "would you like a diagram? Please have some footnotes, too" type of happiness, but it fits well enough.

Sorry, I really DO wish I could help, because I am entirely for people finding more joy in their lives, but that would be like me giving driving directions. I'm too far away and have rotten judgment in this area.

But yay, I am so glad to hear you're feeling like venturing into this territory. I wish you joy.

On a related note, tonight my semi-feral Orpheus played with a piece of yarn with me. He only ran out of the room in terror once, and the rest of the time he was fine and killed the string good. Progress is neat.
We can be semi-ferals in search of warm places to sleep and string to play with together....

My brother fits all your qualifications except 2: he's a picky eater, and lives in Oregon. Sadly, he will never move because he fits another one of your reqs: he's outdoorsy. ;) He supplements his income by hunting and fishing, and will go camping for weeks at a time. So, what do you say to moving to Oregon to date a handsome, 42 yr old, Navy vet, redheaded hunter-gatherer and welder?

And never underestimate the power of LJ: I met my husband on LJ in a comment thread in 2004. In June we will have been married 4 years. <3
Alas. I moved cross country for a relationship once.

Next time, they can come to me.

(Your brother sounds like a total catch. He's outdoorsy enough to intimidate me. *g*)
Okay so like I have no comment whatsoever about, you know, men, but I love the title...

I have a friend at work that occasionally states "I want a pony!" LOL our trainer for our new hire class promised her a pony if we got a certain score coming out of training - I was most disappointed not to find out if she was serious about getting A her pony!
Woe! I have no one to throw at you!

But I'm glad you seem to be having fun with this! I hope you find some great person(s)!
...just realized that I ended every single sentence with an exclamation point.

This is a very take me or leave me article. The only thing you left out is the whole must put up with Cat as much as I do. This will cut down on folks that may not be right for you to begin with. Go for it, says Jenn.
LOL. I am too old and set in my ways to get involved with people who don't like me for what I am. And I tried the whole uprooting my whole life for somebody thing, and got, well.

Unhappy. So.
This has nothing to do with the actual point of your post, but reading it reminded me that the 29th would've been my sixth anniversary, which is something I actually haven't thought about for many years.
There is something to be said for leap days.

*g* 2000's wasn't even supposed to exist. It was a bonus leap day.


Define "reasonable"

It's less than an hour and a half plane ride, and I'm solvent enough that doing that once a week or so would not be *too* unreasonable for me. For the right woman. Pity you didn't post this 3 months ago, when I was visiting the area. I probably won't be back again until after Christmas.

Re: Define "reasonable"

The next time you're in the neighborhood, let me know, and I will cheerfully buy you a cup of coffee. (Or take you to this neat tiny Italian place near Trinity for really good creme brulee.)

By the way, who are you? You cam through stealthed.
Either my finger-countin' is broke or I be reading a six-year-old entry as new. Weird.

I'm afraid we're too far away (Georgia), but if we were close I'd be tossing my Bear your way, as I think you'd get along very nicely. I'll keep thinking of you and CT and happy non-picky-eaters who like to tromp around outside, though!
No, you're missing a statistical anomaly. How is February 29th different from every other day of the year? *g*

Bears dating Bears.... is that safe???

(Thank you.)
If you're outdoorsy maybe one day you should move to the west coast. At least that's where all the geeks I know who are like that are. (Both sexes.)

(Not myself; I'm totally not outdoorsy. I just like to live in places that appreciate the outdoors; they tend to have more trees.

Person!! If only it weren't for the geographical location and the outdoorsy.... *g*)
Alas, I tried that. After seven exceedingly unhappy years, I moved home.

So thanks, but no thank you.
*reads ad*
*thinks "me! me! me!*
*gets to the last line and remembers the Atlantic Ocean*.


Anyway, congratulations on getting over the bad one, and enjoy your dating :)

I'm more inclined to commute that East than West... ;-)
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