Previous Entry | Next Entry

Lead, follow, or get out of the way

spies mfu illya bitch please _ truepenny
Dear Internets:

[info]coffeeem said it recently, but it deserves saying again.

The appropriate response to outrage over injustice is not, "Why are you surprised by that?" (With implied scorn for the other's naivete.) A pose of facile cynicism may be a comforting way to express your defense mechanisms, but outrage =/= surprise, and by conflating the two in an attempt to make your neighbors feel awkward and unhip, you are revealing far more about yourself than you are about them.

Outrage is useful, people. Outrage is what gets things done. Outrage is the thing that gets people off their asses to create change.

Telling people who are outraged that their naivete is mockable is the moral equivalent of telling a teenager with a desire to become an artist that they're better off getting a secretarial job than trying for a scholarship, and they should plan for disappointment. Of course they're going to be disappointed. Life is about disappointment.

Living life well is also about doing something about that disappointment. And trying to stop people from making the world better makes us into people who suck.

I understand that it's been a rough few years, and a lot of us are up to our necks in defense mechanisms. And I understand that sometimes it's more comfortable to assume that things can't be changed. But the answer is not to shoot down the people who are making an attempt.

The answer is to go eat a brownie, and then lie down with a cool towel until the apathy passes. And if you can't pitch in to help, that's okay.

But stop telling that kid she'll never even get into art school.

Comments

( 42 comments — Leave a comment )
[info]contentlove wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 02:47 pm (UTC)
I needed to hear this. I'm one of those people, who couch my own disappointment with myself in cynicism towards others. When I'm not feeling badly about myself, I do the opposite. I'm almost 50, and I've only recently figured out that I do this. And I am going to stop. Now.
[info]heleninwales wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 04:52 pm (UTC)
I went through a very cynical phase in my 40s, strangely as I hit my mid-50s, it's passed off again. I'm not sure why.

What I try to avoid now is getting angry about things. That doesn't actually help. You need to go straight from outrage to practical action without letting all the energy dissipate in unprofitable rage.
[info]matociquala wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 04:54 pm (UTC)
OOo. yes. Truthy.
[info]dryadgrl wrote:
Oct. 20th, 2008 09:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
[info]riosanmateo wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 02:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you
Thanks for this, Bear. You really made my day. :)
[info]bronze_ribbons wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 02:49 pm (UTC)
WORD.
[info]purpletigron wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 02:58 pm (UTC)
+1 ... and that's before I even get past the userpic :-)
[info]matociquala wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 03:00 pm (UTC)
[info]truepenny made it for me. Nobody glowers like David McCallum.
[info]silent_ic_river wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 03:13 pm (UTC)
Sing it, Sister!!!!
[info]jess_ka wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 03:17 pm (UTC)
Definitely bears repeating.
[info]stevenagy wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 03:26 pm (UTC)
I ran into that mocking attitude yesterday on someone's comment thread yesterday. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to understand that you should treat other people with respect.
[info]michaeldthomas wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 03:34 pm (UTC)
Well said.

I realize that people get overwhelmed by the enormity of the world's problems, but there's always something they can do to help. This is especially true at the local level. Every community has organizations fighting the good fight that are desperate for volunteers and resources.

[info]nancylebov wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 03:35 pm (UTC)
For some of us, unfortunately a brownie is not the solution-- sugar lowers my motivation in a way that looks like a psychological problem, but isn't.

Other than that, I absolutely agree. The other thing about those cynics is that they ignore the crucial difference between somewhat bad and horrendous.
[info]matociquala wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 03:36 pm (UTC)
Sugar-free brownies!
[info]dryadgrl wrote:
Oct. 20th, 2008 09:17 pm (UTC)
Steak? Maybe steak would be better than brownies?
[info]rimrunner wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 03:48 pm (UTC)
*APPLAUSE*
[info]coffeeem wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 04:04 pm (UTC)
WORD effing WORD WORD!!!!!
[info]ruthannereid wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 04:10 pm (UTC)
WELL said!
[info]badger wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 04:16 pm (UTC)
Trying to stop people from making the world better makes us into people who suck

Succinct. Excellent.
[info]auriaephiala wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 04:19 pm (UTC)
Absolutely.

To paraphrase Bruce Cockburn, if you just accept bad things as the way things are, life will only get worse.

Besides, I want to be outraged at certain people or events. It reminds me I'm human and can still feel.
[info]pixelfish wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 04:37 pm (UTC)
What you said.

Speaking of art school anecdotes, my grandfather kept telling all the way through my misspent youth that I should become a teacher or a nurse or something that would put bread on the table in the eventuality that my husband would keel over dead, but I should put this art thing down as a hobby. My parents told me to ignore him and cheerleaded me into my graphic design career with nary a blink. And now with the exception of my brother and one other cousin, I make more money than any of the other grandkids, I am STILL NOT MARRIED--which to my Mormon family is practically apocalyptical--and even if I were to enter the state of matrimony, I would damn well expect to keep up with my career. (Because sane, independent, and happy is better than infantilized and dependent.)
[info]dsgood wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 05:11 pm (UTC)
Mostly agreed, but....

Some people think that what needs fixing is people with other preferences. Everybody should want to drive rather than taking the bus. (What about people who can't afford cars? Let the state or local government buy used cars for them. But not one cent for public transit!)

Or: Everyone should want to cook and eat local, organic food. Something must be done to make the people who don't agree with this sane!

Note: These are not hypothetical examples.
[info]katallen wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 07:47 pm (UTC)
(I may be misreading you but... ) I'd actually agree that many of the people saying these things are not apathetic but intentionally stiffling alternative opinions - but I'm uncertain whether you're *approving* facile cynicism as a tactical response? (That instead of putting forward a contrary opinion and seeking discussion from which both sides might learn, a more effective response is to tell the person their expression of foolish and naive idealism is inappropriate to the point of being embarrassing to observe.)

Fairly obviously I'm not pro stiffling debate as a way of 'winning'. If someone wants to change the world in a way that I don't agree with, I would generally feel that honest opposition is a better way to go than any kind of tactical humiliation. Let's face it, part of the reason politics has become such a wasteland is that instead of talking about the issues politicians play these same tactical games (forget about arguing whether plan X is sensible, announce that the person who thought up (or champions) plan X is clearly naive and inexperienced and not ready to hold office). Last thing in the world I want is to see more of that kind of political game in places like lj... where we should be able to express ourselves -- even if we're wrong and need telling we're wrong :D
[info]queenbookwench wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 05:23 pm (UTC)
Do you mind if I quote portions of this on my facebook quotes page? I can use your name or not.
[info]matociquala wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 05:27 pm (UTC)
Sure, wuote away, and please feel free to use my name.
[info]queenbookwench wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 05:34 pm (UTC)
Thanks, I appreciate it! (long-term reader, first-time commenter)
[info]ckd wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 05:38 pm (UTC)
I'm still a big fan of the Miles Vorkosigan formulation of this: "Now, there's this about cynicism, Sergeant. It's the universe's most supine moral position. Real comfortable. If nothing can be done, then you're not some kind of shit for not doing it, and you can lie there and stink to yourself in perfect peace."
[info]downtime_mayhem wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 07:03 pm (UTC)
oh, thank you. I'd forgotten that one.
[info]tedgill wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 05:59 pm (UTC)
Came here via a link from Content. I really appreciate your insightful wake-up call about this behavior. Identifying it for what it is (a defense mechanism) will make it a lot easier to watch for and interrupt. Thanks!
[info]matociquala wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 06:02 pm (UTC)
Hi! Nice to meet you. *g*
[info]nebula99 wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 07:22 pm (UTC)
For me, having children who are starting to take a lot more notice of the world around them has been a real kick up the backside. They ask "why does this happen?" and "what are we going to do about it" and it really has made me stop and think sometimes - well, what am I doing about it?

It works the other way too - when they are struggling with an issue, I can say "well, what can you do about it?" and even if all they can do is put on those metaphorical big girl/big boy pants and deal with it, then that is at least a positive decision.
[info]szeretni wrote:
Oct. 18th, 2008 11:23 pm (UTC)
I think that people belittling others emotions in general, are people who are jealous and insecure and that's why they need to belittle others, to make themselves look/feel good.

And basically, it's the same with this. Some people just can't show respect.
And it's not about freedom of speech, as some would have it.
Freedom of speech does NOT mean that we should say condescending or hateful things to people, because if we know what hurts and still do it - it's just a bad excuse to be mean.

And to be honest, I dont think it's about cynisism either. I'm very cynical and when I see someone get angry, I can still relate to it OR get cynical towards the same thing the other person is angry about.
[info]wyld_dandelyon wrote:
Oct. 19th, 2008 12:48 am (UTC)
Yes!

Though I admit that there are times when someone is being all "newly-outraged" at me for the third or ninth or hundredth time about the same issue that I want to shout "stop yelling at me and go complain at the people doing it, or organize a protest, or otherwise start doing something about it."
[info]laura_holt_pi wrote:
Oct. 19th, 2008 08:21 am (UTC)
To some extent I agree, but frankly, no-one is going to change the world if having some cynic laugh at them is going to stop them.

If our dreams and intentions are to mean anything, we have to be able to make them real even if the world refuses to cosset us. The people who have changed the world for the better rarely did it accompanied by their cheerleaders.

Don't lead, don't follow, just live with integrity what you believe.
[info]deire wrote:
Oct. 20th, 2008 12:32 pm (UTC)
Yes. Cynicism does *not* equal realism.
[info]matociquala wrote:
Oct. 20th, 2008 12:41 pm (UTC)
Exactly.
[info]dryadgrl wrote:
Oct. 20th, 2008 09:15 pm (UTC)
Telling the kid she'll never get into art school is about talking to that inside piece of ourselves that hasn't been loved or nurtured as much as we'd like and slamming her head into the floor.

One of the most crazy things I think we do as humans is to fuck others over in the ways that we've been fucked. And not in that good happy way that we like. I'm pretty tired of hearing people be cuel to each other.

And I'm pretty tired of being defensive when people are cruel. But then it happens to me so seldom these days. But maybe I want to go to art school, I can't decide. Maybe I need a brownie.
[info]matociquala wrote:
Oct. 21st, 2008 12:17 am (UTC)
You rock. Have the brownie. Art school will be there in the morning.
[info]dryadgrl wrote:
Oct. 21st, 2008 05:43 am (UTC)
Mmmm... brownies. With chocolate chips. Best with hugs (not those nasty Nestle's things).


[info]dryadgrl wrote:
Oct. 21st, 2008 05:44 am (UTC)
Holy crap muppet movie icon.
Wow.

I <3 Muppets. More than art school or brownies.
[info]matociquala wrote:
Oct. 21st, 2008 12:48 pm (UTC)
Hey! It's the title of the blog! *g*

Muppetlove in spades.
( 42 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

bear by san
[info]matociquala
it's a great life, if you don't weaken
Elizabeth Bear Dot Com

Latest Month

May 2012
S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com