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bear by san

March 2017



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criminal minds reid eat

step on a crack. break your momma's back.

So, as threatened, I made Sean Craven's Chili Dog Casserole (Otherwise known as the Casserole of Horrors) for the Practice Halloween tonight. And because I know you don't get enoug horror in your life, and it is Halloween...

I'm photoblogging it.

First, I show the victims the implements:

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Sliced, browned Ball Park hot dogs with a light dressing of Grey Poupon (only the best for my friends!):

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Then, we begin the process...

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Hey, it doesn't seem to want to come out of the can:

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"Pardon me, but would that happen to be dog food?"

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Don't say I didn't warn you:

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I know what this needs to complete it! Melted Tonka Truck!

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Now to get the lingering Doritos even smaller...

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My grandmother's casserole pan has seen many horrible things... but this san check, it fails. Did you know that Velveeta will not sprinkle?

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You know what would absolutely be the piece de resistance? fresh Italian parsley from my own garden! (still somehow holding on out there...)

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Yummo! Okay, here we go....

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..now you know what to tell Poison Control.


five minutes of happy on the tongue in exchange for artery clogs taking 5 months off the end of your life.

worth it? probably...especially if you live with a zen-like ability to ignore long term health in favor of short term flavor (which I do).

~guilty drool~
Oh... wow. Yikes. XD That thing would kill me (well, not really, but between the soy protien and the MSG, I'd wish I were dead). Which is a shame, as it's both terrifying and oddly enticing...
Between the MSG, the autolyzed protein, the hydrolyzed protein, the low fat milk, and the rest of the almost-MSGs, I'd have the worst headache ever probably just from SMELLING it. :)
You are a brave, brave woman. *g*
So is this what you're going as for Halloween? Cause it's kind of horrifying...
I ...
Love you, Bear.
I distinctly saw oatmeal in the ingredient list for the Hormel Peeple Chow, so it must be Healthy!
Good lord, that's almost enough to make me risk the drive down (and back, which is the riskier of the two).

I shall have to foist that on some unsuspecting dinner guests sometime. Now who do I know that I never want to cook for again? . . .
Velveeta? Don't they break down the door and take away your yankee foodie license for that? *g*
Only of I use it non-ironically. (Besides, Velveeta melted over tuna salad is a great Yankee comfort food.)
Oh, duh, of course. The canonical Tuna Melt requires it. Carry on!
oh my god. the salt in that will kill you. LOL!!
Oh, man, now I am so hungry...
I want my mommy.
You get an internet for your brave, brave attempt to sprinkle Velveeta.
Holy gods. I got heartburn just looking at that. Under ordinary circumstances I'd disdain to eat anything that's in it.

That cassarole does not qualify as ordinary circumstances.
I feel exactly the same way. I am tempted to make it vegetarian, but I can't tell if it would be worth it, or if I should just lament never getting to try it.
You go ahead and try to make that vegetarian. (Or is that, hope that it's a vegetarian so it won't eat us?) and I'll try to make it healthy while keeping it fit for carnivores. I suspect we'll both fail, but it'll give us something to blog about.
haha, point

I have a food blog for a reason, I suppose.
Psst. I'm starting up a healthy cooking community.

I still think I'll fail. But you know, before we screw with this recipe we should make it as-written first.

I'll start drafting my will now...
But the point is that it's awful. *g*
Probably true. Would it utterly ruin it if I used the Hormel with beans in it?
Soy... cheese...

That concept is even more horrifying than the original recipe. *twitch*
TVP? Look for something called "Soyrizo". I make a very fine veggie chili with that. (I can dig up recipe if anyone is interested.)
I notice we didnt get a picture of the casserole after it had been transformed by fire. Or would it have eaten US?

Is it fair to call poison control -before- you eat it?
HA! I just came over to browse back for this concoction -- and there it was! FABULOUS!
Oh, dear sweet gods... I think I see nirvana right there. :D

Looks delicious. We need a report on how it tastes!
I expect it to be kind of repulsive, of course, but that's THE POINT.

I am stunned like a stunned thing. And yet cannot look away... cannot help...but... wonder...
I'd eat that. Once, anyway.

But it certainly does seem to exemplify "craptastic," doesn't it?

Actually, the term in question was "cracktastic." It's been misreported.
*chuckle* Either way ...
What does it say about me that the thing that horrifies me most about that dish is the Doritos?
970 mg of sodium just from that one can? PLUS all that other salty stuff? That's the scariest thing I've seen all week!
I'm already making plans for a veg. version of this. Velveeta! shall be our battle cry.
Does that ingredient list say "oatmeal"? I am no chili purist, but oatmeal?

Edited at 2009-10-30 10:55 pm (UTC)
Wow, next time I need a passive-aggressive thing to make for my family, I know where to turn!
Whoa... D & D night casserole.
. . . .I don't think that is food.

Even pretend food.

*eyes it*
I suspect that in the oven it melts into something absolutely excellent.
Hey, Elizabeth!

It's the oaf from VPXIII here. I tried and failed to leave a comment on your original post. Hopefully this will work.

First off, having spent a bit of time inspecting this site, it's pretty clear that you're someone with a decent palate and an interest in good food. That makes this descent into the heart of the industrial diet extra-disturbing.

Now I'm going to be disturbing myself.

(Climbs on high horse; nervously notes distance to ground.)

Sharp cheddar, nacho rings, mustard, and Ranch flavor all share a quality of tartness which helps to balance the greasy/salty/umami flavors of the dish. I'm hesitant to judge, given the obvious culinary skills you've put on display, but I suspect that your minimal use of acid ingredients skewed the flavor profile -- a dollop of sour cream on each portion might be a good idea, come the leftovers.

And your use of Ball Park franks rather than Nathan's Famous would suggest that additional garlic might be in order.

I will say your choice of Grey Poupon is a shrewd one. Not only does the strong vinegar quality help with the above-mentioned issue, it's also extremely salty. The sodium content of a chili-dog casserole should be high enough to make it ignite in water.

(On dismount, the high horse bolts, drags oaf through the sage.)

When I made this for y'all, I had no idea it was going to go this far. Don't know if you saw, but Jim reposted the recipe on Making Light. And when the furor died down, I reposted it at Roadfood. It's gotten more hits (in the thousands) and more comments (in the hundreds) then anything else I've put on the web.

And it gets worse. Last night Chris Cornell, Catherine Schaff-Stump, and I made an appearance at the World Fantasy convention. When I was introduced to a crowd of VP alumni, one woman immediately asked, "Are you that casserole guy?" She pulled out her iPhone and showed me this very post.

So that's it. I guess that no matter what I do, from now on I'm The Casserole Guy.

I blame Mac. In fact, I'm going to go blame Mac right now.


I think you need to relax your control issues, man. *g*

Forty-eight hours later, there's less than a serving left. And at least one person ate three helpings.

Next time, however, I will use more Velveeta. Not that there's going to be a next time.
Actually, now that I look at your use of the fresh parsley, it strikes me that a chimichurri sauce would totally rock this dish. To be added by the diner after serving, not baked in. Duh.
But if I were going to do that, I'd, well... make something that wasn't quite so terrifying!
OMG I hope it tasted better than it looked. Not sure if I would like to try it myself.