Amen! Thank you so much for putting this into words so succinctly. It frustrates me to no end when people act like someone has died because they've gone through this kind of trauma. And yes, in some ways, the life they might have lived has died -- but that's true for all events which change us: they 'kill' the life we might have had.
And yes, I think the non-sexual abuse can be just as challenging to live with...one of my dearest friends is still working on that. It damaged her view of herself (constantly being told she was worthless and stupid and ugly).