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bear by san

November 2015



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criminal minds prentiss facepalm

just give me your hand. your mother is drunk is all.*

And while we're on the subject of sexual violence, in re: Rape Culture. I explain--

...no, take too long. I sum up.

Look, if you're one of the people saying, "What a pity these boys were convicted of rape, because they had their whole lives ahead of them," you are part of the problem.

You may think what you're saying is "What a pity these boys committed rape, because they destroyed their own futures." But those are not the words coming out of your mouth.

Stop. Look. Listen. Look left, then right, then left again. Then think about what you are about to say or type.

But if you are one of the people saying, "Well, the victim had her whole life ahead of her too," you're also not saying what you think you're saying, and you're contributing to the problem and expressing an internalization of rape culture as well.

The victim--shall we call her a survivor, now?--still does have her whole life ahead of her.

Surviving sexual assault is not the end of a life. Rape culture includes this pervasive idea that the person who is raped is ruined forever, that "she'll never be the same," that she's soiled and broken.

Guess what? Hundreds and hundreds of rape survivors go on to lead productive, fulfilling lives! Yes, it's an act of violence. Yes, it's a trauma, and it should never happen to anyone, and surviving violence--sexual or otherwise--is not easy or clean.

But we need to get this fucking idea of a "fate worse than death" out of the language and the culture pronto, because it compounds the fucking damage when you tell somebody she's automatically damaged for life.

Comments screened, because I don't even.

*not the actual lyric. But close enough for my purposes today.


Gah. Thank you. That's been driving me crazy.

It's weird, because I think most people would agree that rape is worse than being mugged. (I'm honestly not sure by what metric you compare these things, and I thing the individual instances are far more important than some broad labels, but let's go with this.) And yet, you don't get all the weird fucking crap about muggings or similar crimes. If someone was passed out drunk, and someone else came, rifled through their pockets and took their wallet? It's a crime. None of this promising young men crap. It wouldn't occur to most people to mention that a mugger might otherwise be a promising young man because they're a mugger. Maybe we should worry about that. (And seriously, I have some questions about how our sex offender registration works.) But... gah!

And also none of this "OMG, the victim is scarred forever!" No, it's simple, a robbery occurred, no one asks if the passed out drunk person consented, and pretty much everyone agrees that something bad should happen to the person who committed the offence. And the victim probably had a lousy time, but, yeah. You go on.
And good on the girl's mom:

She added that the case "does not define who my daughter is. She will persevere, grow and move on."
good woman.
I consider myself blessed to have such wise people as yourselves on my flists. You frequently make me see things in a new light/from a new angle, and it is always to my gain.

Thank you all for sharing your insights and wisdom.