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bear by san

March 2017



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criminal minds prentiss facepalm

just give me your hand. your mother is drunk is all.*

And while we're on the subject of sexual violence, in re: Rape Culture. I explain--

...no, take too long. I sum up.

Look, if you're one of the people saying, "What a pity these boys were convicted of rape, because they had their whole lives ahead of them," you are part of the problem.

You may think what you're saying is "What a pity these boys committed rape, because they destroyed their own futures." But those are not the words coming out of your mouth.

Stop. Look. Listen. Look left, then right, then left again. Then think about what you are about to say or type.

But if you are one of the people saying, "Well, the victim had her whole life ahead of her too," you're also not saying what you think you're saying, and you're contributing to the problem and expressing an internalization of rape culture as well.

The victim--shall we call her a survivor, now?--still does have her whole life ahead of her.

Surviving sexual assault is not the end of a life. Rape culture includes this pervasive idea that the person who is raped is ruined forever, that "she'll never be the same," that she's soiled and broken.

Guess what? Hundreds and hundreds of rape survivors go on to lead productive, fulfilling lives! Yes, it's an act of violence. Yes, it's a trauma, and it should never happen to anyone, and surviving violence--sexual or otherwise--is not easy or clean.

But we need to get this fucking idea of a "fate worse than death" out of the language and the culture pronto, because it compounds the fucking damage when you tell somebody she's automatically damaged for life.

Comments screened, because I don't even.

*not the actual lyric. But close enough for my purposes today.


Strictly speaking, anyone who isn't dead still has their whole life ahead of them. If everybody just ceased to exist when they did horrible things or had horrible things done unto them... I'm not sure there would be anybody left. (Of course, we don't really believe in rehabilitation in this country so I suppose most of us would prefer it if the rapists did cease to exist once they were convicted.)

But, yeah, putting the person who was raped in the same category of damaged as the rapists... Not an improvement.
Well, the remainder of my whole life ahead of me. At 58, I figure that's likely to be less than half. It is of course the entirety of my remaining life, however long that turns out to be. But having a long trail behind really does change how the path into the future looks.
When I was younger, I didn't really expect to make it past nineteen. :) But here I am, long past it.

And if I live to be 104 like my great uncle did, I've still got rather a lot of time ahead to fill with living.

It's all relative.

(Of course, if I had a better memory, I might be more impressed with the time passed than the time ahead. Heh.)