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bear by san

March 2017



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criminal minds prentiss facepalm

just give me your hand. your mother is drunk is all.*

And while we're on the subject of sexual violence, in re: Rape Culture. I explain--

...no, take too long. I sum up.

Look, if you're one of the people saying, "What a pity these boys were convicted of rape, because they had their whole lives ahead of them," you are part of the problem.

You may think what you're saying is "What a pity these boys committed rape, because they destroyed their own futures." But those are not the words coming out of your mouth.

Stop. Look. Listen. Look left, then right, then left again. Then think about what you are about to say or type.

But if you are one of the people saying, "Well, the victim had her whole life ahead of her too," you're also not saying what you think you're saying, and you're contributing to the problem and expressing an internalization of rape culture as well.

The victim--shall we call her a survivor, now?--still does have her whole life ahead of her.

Surviving sexual assault is not the end of a life. Rape culture includes this pervasive idea that the person who is raped is ruined forever, that "she'll never be the same," that she's soiled and broken.

Guess what? Hundreds and hundreds of rape survivors go on to lead productive, fulfilling lives! Yes, it's an act of violence. Yes, it's a trauma, and it should never happen to anyone, and surviving violence--sexual or otherwise--is not easy or clean.

But we need to get this fucking idea of a "fate worse than death" out of the language and the culture pronto, because it compounds the fucking damage when you tell somebody she's automatically damaged for life.

Comments screened, because I don't even.

*not the actual lyric. But close enough for my purposes today.


Thank you so much for this. I'll be honest- getting over the cultural mandate that I was always going to be broken took me a lot longer to deal with than the rape did.Feeling like I had to appologise, or disclose to people this dark part of my past made it more difficult to just get on with having a good life.
I hear you.

You know, of course, that you belong to nobody but yourself, and you have nothing to apologize for.
I do know that, finally.

Being raised in a strictly religious household with many of the negatives that those can contain - and mine did - there was that whole "purity" concept. Yeah... I did eventaully reject that viewpoint outright. Refused to play the Madonna/whore game. And then stopped feeling like appologising for a lot of things...

Wholly belonging to myself has taken a lot more work - bit the result of the effort is worth every moment of hardship. My joy is hard won, and worth any struggle.