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bear by san

March 2017



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criminal minds prentiss facepalm

just give me your hand. your mother is drunk is all.*

And while we're on the subject of sexual violence, in re: Rape Culture. I explain--

...no, take too long. I sum up.

Look, if you're one of the people saying, "What a pity these boys were convicted of rape, because they had their whole lives ahead of them," you are part of the problem.

You may think what you're saying is "What a pity these boys committed rape, because they destroyed their own futures." But those are not the words coming out of your mouth.

Stop. Look. Listen. Look left, then right, then left again. Then think about what you are about to say or type.

But if you are one of the people saying, "Well, the victim had her whole life ahead of her too," you're also not saying what you think you're saying, and you're contributing to the problem and expressing an internalization of rape culture as well.

The victim--shall we call her a survivor, now?--still does have her whole life ahead of her.

Surviving sexual assault is not the end of a life. Rape culture includes this pervasive idea that the person who is raped is ruined forever, that "she'll never be the same," that she's soiled and broken.

Guess what? Hundreds and hundreds of rape survivors go on to lead productive, fulfilling lives! Yes, it's an act of violence. Yes, it's a trauma, and it should never happen to anyone, and surviving violence--sexual or otherwise--is not easy or clean.

But we need to get this fucking idea of a "fate worse than death" out of the language and the culture pronto, because it compounds the fucking damage when you tell somebody she's automatically damaged for life.

Comments screened, because I don't even.

*not the actual lyric. But close enough for my purposes today.


I actually watched that CNN video - the apologist one - and honestly, it was all I could do not to gag. Those "spologies" offered in court by the two young men whose lives are "now over"? is it just me who cannot see an ounce of sincerity in either one of them? The first dude said his screed, woodenly, like lines he had had to learn (badly) for a shcool play - and the business of "the photos should never have been sent around..." which comes BEFORE the idea of that they should not have been taken at all, it's just backwards. And it tells me he isn't sorry at all about taking the pictures. He's just sorry as all getgo that he was dumb enough to brag about them and well here we all are now aren't we. As for the second dude, the one who breaks into anguished sobs over his "sorry" (and somewhere in there comes up with "I never meant to..." - and just what DID you mean to, while you were doing what you were doing, then...?) and then gets *comforted and "there,there, there" patted on the back by that court official standing there, well, I just don't know.

It isn't enough that they're sorry they got caught, which is apparently what it boils down to. Their lives WERE NOT TAKEN AWAY FROM THEM BY SOMEONE ELSE. They did the taking, by what they did. The only people in that scenario who had a choice about what happened CHOSE to do what they did. All the sorry in the world doesn't fix that.

I'm still mad.

And thank you for writing this. Bear. Seriously. Thank you.