Yes to "Not solved. Should be. Dammit." That's exactly the sort of thinking I was talking about. In the 90s I was blithely thinking this was all pretty much a done deal. in the 00s I started getting more aware what was actually out there, and more to the point what wasn't. And argh.
The Wild Swans thread with the gay protag. is set in New York about the time the AIDS epidemic peaked. And his family is... not happy with him. So it may not make you feel any better than China Mountain Zhang, even though the question the book is fighting with, at least somewhat, is "Why is there this sort of pain?"
I agree with the fewer gay men -- or men in general -- writing gay protagonists. It's something I would like to see more of. But as another woman who's written gay/bi male protagonists a couple of times, I'm kind of in the position of both wanting to see more and not really wanting to be asked not to...