writing rengeek magpie mind

July 2014

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problem cat

i could save you baby but it isn't worth my time

Due to travel schedules, my peripatetic step cat is in residence here for a couple of months, which means...

Cat vs. Monkey: The New Brood!

Monkey: *lies in bed*
Peripatetic Step Cat: *stands at window*
Monkey: *lies in bed*
Peripatetic Step Cat: *stands at window*
Monkey: *lies in bed*
Peripatetic Step Cat: *stands at window*

Monkey: "Cat, I'm cold."
Peripatetic Step Cat: *stands at window*

Monkey: *reads a book*
Peripatetic Step Cat: *stands at window*

Peripatetic Step Cat: Those birds will come back eventually!
Monkey: Birds sleep at night, cat. Unlike cats.

Monkey: *sleeps*
Peripatetic Step Cat: *stands at window*

Monkey: *sleeps*
Peripatetic Step Cat: *bangs on window*

Monkey: *does not sleeps*
Peripatetic Step Cat: *bangs on window*

Monkey: *lies in bed trying to play Angry Birds on phone*
2013-03-16 08.31.16
Peripatetic Step Cat:
*LOVES YOU VERY MUCH OH MY GOD WHY WERE WE KEPT APART HERE HAVE SOME OF MY DROOL AND HEADBUTTS AND THINGS AND THAT IS MY PHONE AND YOU ARE MY MONKEY ALL MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE*


Monkey: *has to pee*
Peripatetic Step Cat: *curls up on Monkey's chest and purrrrrrsssss*

Monkey: *makes a break for the bathroom*
Peripatetic Step Cat: IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO PEE! I MUST HELP YOU PEE!

Monkey: *attempts to change sheets*
Peripatetic Step Cat: *SHEET ATTACK*

Monkey: *attempts to change sheets*
Peripatetic Step Cat: *ANKLE ATTACK*

Monkey: *attempts to change sheets*
Peripatetic Step Cat: *HAND ATTACK*

Monkey: Well, that's the bed made. Guess I'll head out...
Peripatetic Step Cat: Whatevs. *stands in window*

The Alleged Perpetrator:
2013-03-21 07.43.00

Previous installments of Cat vs. Monkey may be found under this tag: Presumptuous Cat

Comments

Some of my friends with kids talk about how they don't get to pee alone any more, and I'm like, "Any more? You ever got to pee alone? OH THE LUXURY."

(I might drown, you see. That small room is full of water, and while I am grudgingly permitted to shower alone, if I take too long at it, the littledog sticks her paws under the door and cries. "HELLO MONKEY ARE YOU DEAD? DID THE WATER BOX GET YOU? HELLO?")
O MY GoD YOu'RE goInG INTo thE BaThRoOm BEST DAY EvAr!
Yay - I've missed cat and monkey :)
Thank you for a morning chuckle. I have awakened to just that view (although mine had a grey tabby face)! Have missed the cat vs monkey posts :-)
The most exciting iteration lately has been when I need to pee and the cat decides to prance back and forth across my bladder before curling up there.
Hooray for the continuing adventures of Cat v. Monkey.

This morning, while I was in the shower, the bathroom door opened and when I stepped out of the shower, there were Basement Cat and Morally Ambiguous Cat sitting there as if watching a burlesque show.

me: Thanks for letting the cold air in guys.

them: You're welcome. Thanks for the show.
I have missed Cat vs Monkey.

I have Large Bouncy Dog vs. Mama these days. She thinks she's a lap dog, swear to God, and when she's as tall as me when she stands on her hind legs, it gets a bit crowded in the chair!
Peripatetic Step Cat resembles Butch, our "new kitten" (he was born on Shakespeare's birthday 2012 and is therefore nearly a year old). Very similar markings, similar fluffy coat.
"Ah! I perceive that you are trying to change the sheets! Since this is for my benefit alone, I shall graciously aid you with the power of my bottom."

"GETOUTOFTHEWAY!"

"You appear strangely concerned. Do not fear. I shall turn myself into a lump of superdense matter *cat imports mass from other universe* There! Now the sheets will remain rooted to the bed!"
Conversation when I see my two large cats sprawled on the shower floor and shower bench taking up at least half the shower.

Monkey: Would you get out of the way so can take a shower?</p>

Catz: No.

Monkey: I need to take a shower, so move!

Catz: Make us!

Monkey: I'm turning on the water now.

Catz: So what, hey look at how it runs down the wall ... and goes to that thing in the floor. Let's watch it escape. Not moving this is fun!!

Monkey: Steps warily and tries to shower.

Most mornings I must shower with two Maine Coons who don't mind getting soaking wet. Tripping over cats who think water is a "most special toy" and are upset when I turn off the water.

We have Her Majesty the Cat. She has the endearing habit of waking us up at four in the morning because her bowl is empty. But we seldom get go pee alone either.
Previous Cat used to parade up and down a rather narrow and curved bathtub edge, and then park her fluffy butt right on it, where she could stare at me soaking in the water. Sometimes she would stick out a paw, and pat me and the water.

Current Cat refuses to have anything to do with the wide and spacious ledge surrounding the tub, or indeed, anything in that bathroom that does not involve sitting on mats. She will, however, get between shower curtain and liner in the other bath and *lick the plastic*.
*chortle*

I have to say, none of this is a true surprise... :)
We can all see exactly where this is going!
oh hooray for Cat vs. Monkey, and hooray for Peripatetic Step Cat! (a very pretty kitty.)
Peripatetic Step Cat is a pretty kitty! And behaves very much like my Feline Overlord.
I have so been there. How nice that you occasionally have a cat looking after your best interests.

P.
I don't have the words for how much I love you both.

I'm pleased to see Butthead Rex continuing the ancient traditions of your feline companions.
Glad to be of service, sir.
This is good. My thanks to both of yez.
I didn't know how much I missed Cat vs. Monkey posts until I read this one. Bless your fuzzy little heart!
Didn't you know? When you have a cat in residence, you are automatically the Best Show In the House. I have three of the little purr-bearing critters, and I can't do anything without an audience.
Yay, the return of Cat vs. Monkey! (Which is what brought me to your blog via Wil Wheaton).
The Peripatetic Step Cat looks very well prepared for her new celebrity.
I love Cat vs. Monkey! :D Peripatetic is beautiful!