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bear by san

March 2017



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criminal minds fate

This is just to say:

To everybody who has opined recently that sexual harassment policies at conventions mean an end to flirtation, dating, and romance at cons--

I'm involved in a relationship with somebody I met, befriended, and grew to love largely at conventions. He never once felt the need to grope me, make an inappropriate comment on my body or dress, or ask if anything I was wearing was meant as a coded sexual message before the moment when we figured out that we were each interested in one another in a romantic sense.

Neither flirting nor building emotional connection is harassment, folks--and harassment is not flirting.

It's not actually all that complicated.


Indeed. And to me, what you are describing is not flirting, but harassment. Flirting takes "no" for an answer, accepts that women are not in fact a modern convenience but people, and backs off.
Yes, that's the way I understand it. Harassment needs to either (or both) cross some of the significant lines immediately, or be part of a pattern. Basically, you can get in trouble either with a great big leap, or by consistent effort over time :-). What you pretty much can't do is get into bad trouble with one small isolated mistake.

[ETA "isolated"; you can and should be able to get into trouble with one small mistake if it's the same mistake you've been making over and over again for far too long.]

Edited at 2013-07-01 05:20 pm (UTC)