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bear by san

February 2017



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criminal minds fate

This is just to say:

To everybody who has opined recently that sexual harassment policies at conventions mean an end to flirtation, dating, and romance at cons--

I'm involved in a relationship with somebody I met, befriended, and grew to love largely at conventions. He never once felt the need to grope me, make an inappropriate comment on my body or dress, or ask if anything I was wearing was meant as a coded sexual message before the moment when we figured out that we were each interested in one another in a romantic sense.

Neither flirting nor building emotional connection is harassment, folks--and harassment is not flirting.

It's not actually all that complicated.


flirting is dead.

'I like to have sex while dressed up as a leopard' -- perfectly normal behavior at Further Confusion, FWIW ]:-)

"Don't be creepy." is actually quite tricky. Being a person who gets interested in people and decides to approach them (with no goal in mind beyond conversation usually), I often face that "you've got 2 seconds to prove you're not a creep" glare. I usually get past that point fairly easily, but I haven't thought much about how to teach others. I think I would suggest "Have a topic to discuss" and "Break it off and GO AWAY fairly quickly." Say something appreciative or interesting to the person, enjoy a small interaction (without any suggestion of touching) and then go away. If you were at least vaguely interesting, you have built a bridge to perhaps have another conversation later. But if it's clear that you're interested in the other person more than the topic, then you're conveying that they are a target == creepy.

Obviously this will be harder if you're more interested in them than the topic, but I can't offer any suggestions there. I don't tend to find myself interested in people until long after we've discussed several interesting topics :)