writing rengeek magpie mind

December 2014

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problem cat

the moste piteous reveng of cat vs. monkey




This is Microsoft Cat. He is my stepcat. He belongs to my boyfriend.

Here is how my morning went:


6:00 am: 

MICROSOFT CAT: MONKEY YOU DIURNAL RIGHT?
MONKEY: What the fuck, cat?
MICROSOFT CAT: YOU DIURNAL! YOU GETS UP AND PLAY DURING DAYTIME! IS DAYTIME! GETS UP AND PLAY!
Monkey: The sky might be a little bit grey.
MICROSOFT CAT: IS BRIGHT! GETS UP!
MONKEY: Cat, I will finish you.
MICROSOFT CAT: *digs under covers, wet noses in ears, general tromping and tickling*


6:30 am:

FITBIT ALARM: *buzzes*
MICROSOFT CAT: It looks like you're trying to get out of bed! I HEPS!
MICROSOFT CAT: *settles down cozily and purrs, emitting sleepions.*
MONKEY: Motherfucker.


Comments

My GF and I are familiar with the emission of sneepions; it should be noted that our research has shown that they can be transmitted via Skype.
Ahh, cats. I'm pretty sure mine wakes me up at 4am to take over guard duty from her, because if I DO give in and get up, by the time I'm out of the bathroom, she's upstairs sleeping in her loft!
Microsoft Cat. Mikey for short?
I actually have to get up before the cat does. But once he wakes up, he insists on sitting on my lap and head-bonking me to help me drink my coffee. He apparently thinks I absorb it better through my shirt.
Is that yours in the icon? I have a lap-Snowshoe too. And he's heavy. 25+lbs of love. :)
Ours is about half that weight, thankfully. Especially since he's gotten more Siamese-neurotic as he's gotten older.
Cat sez, "I's adorable!"
He's adorable.
We currently have *two* furry feline alarm clocks. They seem to be working in shifts....

Oh, yes. The old "I'm going to lie on you and help you wake up" trick. At some point our 10.5 lb cat forced all of his weight into one paw on my ribcage and woke me this morning, briefly. The little guy knows how to quietly inflict pain. When I was finally actually trying to wake up, he was lying on me, purring.
You moved, you are now ready to ATTEND TO YOUR FELINE MASTERS!!!!
I just went to bed for a late afternoon nap (because: middle age meets exercise) and Menhit decided I needed a Bed Weigh to hold me in place.

I don't mind the self-propelled furry hot water bottle aspect so much, but it has a disturbing tendency to bite me if I try to adjust my position, which is Not Cool.
STAY STILL MATTRESS I JUST GOT YOU COMFY.

"Microsoft Cat"

Not just sleepion particles, but snerkions as well.

Re: "Microsoft Cat"

Somewhere the Complaint Department is watching with a smug expression, as is her due.
In college we referred to the particles as 'futons' -- the Continental term, to be sure. They're also emitted by horizontal surfaces, and a person's sleepiness is a function of how many they're absorbing at a given time, so of course you absorb more when you're lying down than when you're standing up.

Cats, however, are a futon source the strength of which our science was never entirely adequate to explain. It was usually too warm in the dorm for the cats to be terribly cuddly, but in the fall after it got cold but before the school turned the heat on, I more than once fell asleep on the couch in the lounge while attempting an all-nighter and woke up pinned by a cat.
Ah, yes. I believe a futon is comprised of 11.3 sleepions. Metric vs. American systems. *g*
*like*
Oh, that explains it! :-)
Ahahahaha oh cat.
The black former tom rescue cat from my garage, now named Bruno, has ANGST about breakfast so the moment I demonstrate that I might possibly be awake he sits in the doorway and discusses his lack of breakfast with me. Loudly. And then he sits on my head and continues the discussion. All 16 lbs of him.

I can sleep through the dawn part of my dawn simulator, I have found. I have yet to sleep through the cat on my head.