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bear by san

March 2017



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bear by san

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

And then there's this trailer for Snakes on a Plane. Probably the most-anticipated movie of the last 20 years, if Internet buzz is anything to go by.

via kerrypolka


Well... no, I really don't need to say anything. Some jokes are self-telling.
I'm still having trouble with this not being a joke.
Isn't it the most amazing thing ever? I keep expecting it to turn out to be the gaslighting of the ENTIRE INTARWEB.
Which would, I must point out, be a better story. Especially the bit where the snake falls out of the overhead lighting, I'm pretty sure I saw that in a terrible X-Files episode once.
Hunh, and I never took a step back and realized that was what made the X-Files great. *enlightened*
Something much like that happened to my friend's father.

It's a slightly better story when it's true and happened to someone you know.


But the gaslighting - you're quite right. /That/ would be interesting.


Hee! That was awesome.
Ohmigod, that looks beautiful.

Did you see the blog post by a guy who passed on doctoring the script when they briefly changed the name to "Flight 121"? He says, As the great Sam Jackson would say: There are motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking plane. Very zen.
Yes I did. Ommm. *g*

This may be the best mad movie in the history of the multiverse.
Let's punch a hole in the premise:

The plane in the experior shots is a 747-200 or 747-300. Passenger capacity in the 400-450 range, though sometimes they fly with as few as 200 passengers. (The cockpit looked like a 747-400, but let's not be picky.)

Snakes take a wee while to fill their venom sacks. Not sure precisely how long, but I'd expect the time to re-fill is measured in hours to days, and I'd be startled if a snake had more than a couple of full charges on hand at any time. After it's taken down the first couple of victims, being bitten will be a bit like being chewed on by a rusty desk stapler: painful but survivable.

It takes about half an hour to get a 747 on the ground if it's over land and it isn't an emergency. If it is an emergency ...

And, oh yeah, snakes are poikilothermic. Just turn down the cabin thermostat by about 15-20 degrees celsius and they'll begin to hibernate.

Upshot: unless the plane has a couple of hundred snakes on board, there's not really a working plot.

...Charlie, my friend...

That's exactly why everybody is so in love with it. *g*

Also. Snakes! On a Motherfucking Plane!

It's so stupid it's beautiful.
And, oh yeah, snakes are poikilothermic.

I just wanted to say that "poikilothermic" is one of the best words I've heard recently. Thank you.
What she said.

I bet Alice Cooper could use it in a song.
My brain keeps pronouncing that term "polka-thermic." I R HUKED ON FONIX.

-- Steve's now imagining a scene with Jackson and the elder Yankovic in full accordian-bearing regalia. The mind reels.
wouldn't it need its own accordion to reel?
There are very few details yet, but I think the concept IS a couple hundred snakes on board.

I also think that this is one movie which is going to have, and REVEL in having, massive plot holes about which you just don't care.

Remember: massive plot holes don't actually make a movie bad -- two examples: why the heck would the Nazis CARE about letters of transit signed by Charles de Gaulle, and, if he died entirely alone and unloved, how did anyone KNOW that Charles Foster Kane's last word was "Rosebud"?
Thank goodness they jettisoned the original title:

"Realistic Snakes Dealt With Realistically on a Reality Based Plane: A Documentary."
marry me!

I don't get beaten to the herp-geeky punch that often, never mind by cute guys...

Of course, movies like this make things worse for those trying to ship herps,lethal or not, on planes... trust me, it isn't easy...

Part of me utterly loves the beyond-MST badness of it- but another part of me is holding its head, knowing that there are too many feebleminded folk out there who will think this *could* happen. Actually, normal cabin temps are enough slow down the vast majority of scaled critters. Tuataras might appreciate those temps, but it's hard to picture rampaging rhynchocephalians. They're just too darn cute.

Of course, Samuel L. Jackson will be what makes the muthaf*ckin' movie for me...

And to be posting all this on St. Paddy's Day is just too funny.
From the trailer I saw, seems like there were a whole lot of motherfucking snakes on said plane.
I'm told that Samuel L. Jackson agreed to this movie just because of the title. Although, some do refer to it by it's more Jacksonian title "Snakes on the Muthafuckin' Plane"
Well, who wouldn't?
Indeed. It's brilliant. No one can ever accuse it of being shifty or hiding its true nature. No false advertisement here.
Yep. That's some snakes on a plane all right.
Oh my, this is self-sporking. I can't wait till it's out on video.
I meant to comment a while back on that particular icon, but it's one of the best I've ever seen, and the quote is just so awesome. ;-)
Why are all these snakes on a plane??
Utterly irrelevant :D
Update: the page linked to now has a notice that reads, "This video has been removed due to terms of use violation."

You mean, they had it in the contract that nobody was supposed to laugh while watching it?
But what if All Your Base rises from the grave and challenges Snakes on a Plane to a battle to the death?