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what we are witnessing

  • Sep. 1st, 2006 at 12:33 PM
new england maple leaves manchesterct
is the dying convulsion of a certain kind of privilege. And as in any case where somebody is having an unfair advantage taken away, many of the ones who have come to rely on that advantage are pretty upset about it, and are going to be bitter about lost dominance

It may take about a hundred years to change society. But no matter how angry many of us are that men will still attempt to assert social and sexual dominance over women in a crude and obvious fashion, the fact of the matter is that a sea-change is underway. And every time somebody says "Hey, that is not okay," and other people back him or her up, we get a little closer to equality.

We do not need to let them cast the argument in their terms. We don't need to convince them; they only marginalize themselves, and while a couple of loud shouters can seem like a roomful, the fact of the matter is that they are not. What's annoying political correctness to some is common decency to others, and more of us are moving into positions of social and political and personal power. We don't need their approval. We don't need the blessing of their power structures. Time to take back the planet.

And man, no wonder they're upset.

When you're used to being in charge, that's gotta sting.

And as Naomi Wolf pointed out a while back, there are more of us than there are of them. So why are we letting them define the terms of debate?

Sing.

You're winning.

*

Comments

( 35 comments — Leave a comment )
[info]ombriel wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 04:38 pm (UTC)
Brava!
[info]shawn_scarber wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 04:48 pm (UTC)
What does more of them or less of them have to do with anything? Right is right.
[info]sanguinity wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 05:20 pm (UTC)
No, the numbers don't decide what is right. It does affect how long and hard you have to fight to get to what is right.

Speaking as a queer activist, the numbers DO matter.

[info]veejane wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 04:51 pm (UTC)
> the fact of the matter is that a sea-change is underway.

My favorite tactic is to say, "I know why I'm so angry. Can you explain why you're so angry?"

It's a counstant source of amazement, watching people discover that they too partake in privilege. Or, watching those same people unable to bear that idea, and retreat into ranty, fallacious defensiveness.
[info]nicked_metal wrote:
Sep. 2nd, 2006 01:53 am (UTC)
My favorite tactic is to say, "I know why I'm so angry. Can you explain why you're so angry?"

Ooooh!

I must try that one.
[info]doteatop wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 04:55 pm (UTC)
Amen.

I'm ready for them to break themselves, so I can dance on their ashes.
[info]fjm wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 04:59 pm (UTC)
And we will outlive them.
[info]fidelioscabinet wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 05:10 pm (UTC)
In my experience, anyone who has to engage in so much explaining, justifying, self-excusing, and minimizing is someone who knows they've done something they shouldn't have, and can't take the heat and can't square it with their self-image.

Next we will have threats of the retreat to the offender's room, with sitting in the dark and eating worms.
[info]rambleflower wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 05:15 pm (UTC)
Well said!

It took me awhile to realize that that was going on in my own life -- that when men get angry because *I'm* angry at *them*, it's simply an effective way of shutting me up, making me question myself, making me want to fall into default "appease the angry man" mode I was raised with. Even when you're aware of the tactic, it's *very* hard to fight against it, as the more you stick to your guns, the uglier some of them get. Especially when the men I mostly associate with -- my friends, my husband -- don't do that kind of shit to me, so I'm not as ready for it.
[info]sanguinity wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 05:22 pm (UTC)
Sing it!
[info]misia wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 05:26 pm (UTC)
You know I love you, right? Good.
[info]dichroic wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 05:35 pm (UTC)
It already had taken a hundred nad fifty years to change society. It's like climbing up a mountain: when you start getting tired and discouraged about how far you have to go, it can be very heartening to turn around and look back on how far you've come.
[info]matociquala wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 05:37 pm (UTC)
exactly.
[info]al_zorra wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 06:09 pm (UTC)
Gasbags, blowhards and dorkdongs -- howl the loudest about what is and isn't fair and right and have the worst manners and complain the most about others and demand all sorts of privileges for themselves.

I'd like to think things are really changing, but I fear the teeming over-population and shrinking resources everywhere globally is giving them the upper hand forever.

[info]matociquala wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 06:11 pm (UTC)
Collectively, we refer to this as Entitlement Issues. Otherwise known as, their mommas and daddies didn't raise them right....
[info]tammy212 wrote:
Sep. 4th, 2006 06:13 pm (UTC)
I keep thinking of Connie Sachs' line from leCarre's TINKER TAILOR, which I'll have to paraphrase: "Poor darlings, born to rule the waves ..." Except then I invariably shriek, "Gee, you guys have had it all your way for millennia, and now you no longer have sole ownership! What a crying shame! I really feel so bad that you don't have hegemony over the world anymore, except well, I don't! Join the rest of the human race!"

I know so many good men who re-educated themselves, and so many men who have grown up respecting other people. There's no excuse for this kind of deliberate, knee-jerk rejection, and the whining about their loss of entitlement is tiresome.

Tammy Pierce
[info]matociquala wrote:
Sep. 4th, 2006 06:16 pm (UTC)
I think I really like you.
[info]kokyu wrote:
Sep. 4th, 2006 09:30 pm (UTC)

That's a wonderfully apt line to quote.
[info]almeda wrote:
Sep. 2nd, 2006 03:12 am (UTC)
Oooooooh -- pine trees!!
[info]jonquil wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 06:25 pm (UTC)
The problem, as I should have realized before, is that

Connie Willis has betrayed Harlan Ellison's lifelong respect for her.
[info]faithhopetricks wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 08:38 pm (UTC)
I just clicked on that link.

Oh my FUCKING god. That second post of his made me so angry I think I am going to have to step away from the computer and go power-walk around the block. What a....what a....I can't even think of any epithets. Maybe turning his name into an epithet ("What an Ellison!") might mean something.
[info]sksperry wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 07:21 pm (UTC)
Dream on. Women have such rights in such a small portion of the world that it's laughable, and even here it's take a few hundred years to get where they are. If you think numbers matter, you're delusional.

Having said that, I only wish you were right.
[info]matociquala wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 07:24 pm (UTC)
I am talking about the present society, m'dear. Where numbers do matter.
[info]sksperry wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 07:25 pm (UTC)
Sure. That's why Al Gore is president.
[info]matociquala wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 07:27 pm (UTC)
It's why I'm online arguing with you rather than cleaning up after my husband.
[info]sksperry wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 07:32 pm (UTC)
LOL! Point taken.
[info]matociquala wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 07:32 pm (UTC)
;-)

I'll still make *YOU* cookies, though, Steve...
[info]sigelphoenix wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 07:32 pm (UTC)
I found you via [info]shadawyn (regarding the mentoring program idea, actually), and I want to say that I really appreciate how you've been discussing the Ellison incident. This post in particular is lovely. Though "dying convulsion" sounds a little idealistic - however far we've come, I don't believe the end is in sight yet - I like the passion of your message.
[info]matociquala wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 07:33 pm (UTC)
Nice to meet you!

And yeah, I don't believe that we'll ever be free of sexist apologists. Still, there is progress. And it is important to recognize that.
[info]charmingbillie wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 07:35 pm (UTC)
As always, very well said.

Occasionally when someone mentions that in some ways this is a generational thing I want to say--but, but, I have been doing things for years. I have been 'the only woman' and I have opened people's eyes and I have sacrificed opportunities and jobs (and I have also done the wrong things and not enough and made things worse). But that's what makes a paradigm shift--lots and lots of little things for all those hundred years until things finally happen.
[info]faithhopetricks wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 08:15 pm (UTC)
((applauds)) Fuck yeah.
[info]phoenixw wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 08:26 pm (UTC)
Yes. Thank you.
[info]kateelliott wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 08:39 pm (UTC)
Well said.

It's funny where these entitlement issues crop up.

In our lay led shul (we have no rabbi or cantor so the members of the congregation share out everything) we have a growing number of women who participate. For most everyone this is a great thing on many levels.

However, an interesting incident developed after last year's decision to do high holydays without a cantor brought in from outside, that is, entirely with the local talent.

I was actually told that a couple of old guys (who evidently only come to high holyday services not to regular shabbat services during the year) had complained to another old guy that they weren't going to come back because they didn't like the melody I used for the recessional, as I hadn't used the one they were accustomed to.

[info]matociquala wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 08:43 pm (UTC)
...wow.
[info]beckyzoole wrote:
Sep. 1st, 2006 11:17 pm (UTC)
Yep. It truly is child-like behavior -- frequently, a child's boundary-pushing will become worse when the boundary is enforced, and frantically bad just before it stops. (I almost said, hysterically bad.)
( 35 comments — Leave a comment )

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