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Nov. 5th, 2011

comics invisibles king mob

guess what i'm stirring it with a monkey's paw

c. 2:47 am, Saturday 5 November 2011

Complaint Department: yowl?


c. 2:49 am, Saturday 5 November 2011

Complaint Department: yowl?


c. 2:52 am, Saturday 5 November 2011

Complaint Department: yowl!


c. 2:53 am, Saturday 5 November 2011

Complaint Department: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monkey: Grruh? Guh? Hnnnnh? ZOMG, Cat, what is that racket? Is the night on fire?
Complaint Department: Monkey! MONKEYMONKEYMONKEY! Did you know the acoustics in this bathroom are fantastic?!
Monkey: I wish I were dead. Scratch that, I wish I were deaf. Scratch that, I wish you were deaf.
Complaint Department: Surely you can't have forgotten that deaf white cat we used to live with. And how loud he was?
Monkey: ....
Complaint Department: Well?
Monkey: Your point.
Complaint Department: *smug* Anyway. As I was saying--*clears throat*--I think this bathtub is the perfect place for an aria!
Monkey: *suffocates self with pillows*

Sep. 7th, 2011

sf sapphire and steel kiss (darkness)

some are alive and some are dead. makes no difference when they're in your head.

The cats are refining their murder attempts.

This afternoon's subtlety: a fur mousy left right behind the door at the bottom of the stairs, so when I opened it as I descended, the door jammed and I stepped off the staircase right into the door.

May. 25th, 2011

cat and mouse

turn on the boob tube i'm in the mood to obey

Morning Cat Face  2010 08 14 002

Wish a happy 16th birthday (observed*) to the Presumptuous Cat, Internets!



*She showed up on my back steps starving and dying of distemper as a 4-6 month old kitten in September of 1995. So every year, we guess.

It's worked out rather well for her, all things considered.

May. 19th, 2011

problem cat

the very thing that makes her rich will make you poor.

Monkey: Um. Cat?
Complaint Department: *mysteriously absent*
Monkey: Why is there a hairball in my bed?
Complaint Department: *curiously elsewhere*
Monkey: Why is there a hairball in my bed, between the sheets?
Complaint Department: *nowhere to be found*
Monkey: Cat, if you're unwell, perhaps we need to go to the vet. Seriously. This hairball!
Complaint Department: It's spring. I'm shedding.
Monkey: In my bed!
Complaint Department: I didn't feel good. It was a very large hairball.
Monkey: Between the SHEETS!
Complaint Department: The kitten tucked me in. Besides, it was time you changed the sheets anyway.
Monkey: I just changed them last week.
Complaint Department: You're not the only one who sleeps in this bed, you know.
Monkey: Trust me. I know.
Complaint Department: ...
Monkey: I don't love you anymore.
Complaint Department: You were never worthy of me anyway.








hairball roulette

Mar. 12th, 2011

cat and mouse

Cat V. Monkey: Weekend Edition

Complaint Department: Are you up? Because the food in my bowl has been there since last night. It might be poison.
Monkey: I'm allegedly working.
Complaint Department: You should get up and give me new food.
Monkey: You could come back to bed and snuggle.
Complaint Department: What if I sit on the book case beside the bed (my bed, which I generously allow you to use) and practice walking across your shoulders? 
Monkey: If you put your claws in my soft milky-white flesh, I will scream. And that will be stressful for both of us.
Complaint Department: You should get up. If you get up (and give me new food) you can do yoga and start the bread. Mmmm, bread.
Monkey: Mmmm, brea-- Hey. I saw what you did there.
Complaint Department: What if I put my paws on your arm adorably?
Monkey: If you put your claws in my soft milky-white flesh...
Complaint Department: Yeah, yeah. Scream, stressful. It's after 8. Get up.You're not working, you're reading news from Japan.
Monkey: They have cats in Japan.
Complaint Department: Was that a threat? Because it was a lame one.
Monkey: Like the bit with your paws on my arm?
Complaint Department: That one wasn't empty. *stares*
Monkey: *uneasy*
Complaint Department: *stares*
Monkey: "All right, all right, I'm up. I should do yoga anyway."
Complaint Department: *purrs*

Feb. 11th, 2011

cat and mouse

when they said repent, repent, i wonder what they meant?

Distilled Feline Evil February 2011 003

I awakened this morning with the Complaint Department combing my hair with her claws.

She's not even subtle in her threats anymore.

I think her disciple must now be known not at the Fearless Kjitten, but as a VLO (Very Large Object).

Dec. 24th, 2010

cat and mouse

Cat Vs. Monkey, Holiday Edition

INT STAIRWAY 
MONKEY AND OTHER MONKEY RESIDENCE
LATE CHRISTMAS EVE

MONKEY is climbing the stairs with a plate of cheese and crackers and a cup of tea. Monkey is wearing pajamas and a bathrobe.

#

INT BEDROOM
MONKEY AND OTHER MONKEY RESIDENCE
LATE CHRISTMAS EVE

ENTER MONKEY

MONKEY spots COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT on bed, snuggled up with a stuffed cat. Quietly, MONKEY retreats to hallway.

#

INT OFFICE
MONKEY AND OTHER MONKEY RESIDENCE
LATE CHRISTMAS EVE

MONKEY gestures to OTHER MONKEY, beckoning her into the bedroom.

#

INT BEDROOM
MONKEY AND OTHER MONKEY RESIDENCE
LATE CHRISTMAS EVE

ENTER MONKEY and OTHER MONKEY.

MONKEY points to COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT. 

OTHER MONKEY: "That's adorable."
COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT: *glowers*
OTHER MONKEY: "I'm sorry. Of course you're not adorable. You're evil. The adorable is just a disguise."
MONKEY: "You know her so well."
COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT: *glowers more*

***

December 2010 003

Yes. I'm even evil when I'm hugging your stuffed cat.



Merry December Non-Denominational Gift-Giving Day to all, and to all an Evil Cat!

Sep. 30th, 2010

cat and mouse

Cat V. Monkey: Suitcase Edition

Complaint Department: Monkey? Are you... packing?
Monkey: I am. I'm going away for a week.
Complaint Department: But there are things all over the bed.
Monkey: I know. I will put them in the suitcase as soon as you get your furry butt off them.
Complaint Department: But now the bed is uncomfortable!
Monkey: That's because you are sleeping on my hairbrush.
Complaint Department: And your toothpaste. And some pill bottles.
Monkey: *sigh*
Complaint Department: *licks monkey's arm*
Monkey: Excuse me?
Complaint Department: *licks monkey's wrist*
Monkey: Is this a gentle reminder that the food bowl is empty?
Complaint Department: *licks monkey's toes*
Monkey: Ack! We do not negotiate with terrorists!
Complaint Department: Technically, this is extortion. It's a common mistake.
Monkey: ...there's food in your bowl. There has been all along.
Complaint Department: Made you look.
Monkey: At least you're off my hairbrush.
Fearless Kjitten: Hey! The bed is lumpy!

Mar. 19th, 2010

cat and mouse

(no subject)

Complaint Department: Hey! Big clumsy monkey! Watch your butt!
Monkey: Ooops. Sorry. I was attempting to sit beside you, but you have a devious tail.
Complaint Department: Devious tail? Are you mocking my disability?
Monkey: Devious tail syndrome?
Complaint Department: It deeply affects my quality of life!
Monkey: Watch it. If you chase me out of bed entirely, you won't have anything warm to sleep on at all.
Conplaint Department: Details. Hey, fill up your water glass. I stole it all while you were sleeping.

Mar. 4th, 2010

hustle micket con is on

Cat Vs. Monkey: Dark Cats of the Sith

Complaint Department: Monkey, are you up?
Monkey: Despite the fact that you are walking on my hand and my hair and face, no.
Complaint Department: Monkey, are you dead?
Fearless Kjitten: Ooo, if she's dead, can I eat her?
Monkey: Not dead. Can't eat me. I'm sleeping in half an hour. Back off.
Complaint Department: You clock radio is making noise.
Monkey: I know. I'm  listening to it.
Complaint Department: But the sun is up.
Monkey: I know. I'm not getting up yet.
Complaint Department: YOU MIGHT BE DEAD!
Monkey: Really, not dead, you little monster.
Complaint Department: But it's time to get up!
Monkey: How can you tell?
Complaint Department: Because the big hand is on the thingy and the little hand is on the other thingy.
Monkey: It's a digital clock.
Complaint Department: Oh, bother.
Monkey: *gloats*
Complaint Department: Anyway, the clock of MAH BELLEH says it's time to GET UP.
Monkey: Why is there no snooze button on a cat?
Complaint Department: Institute Plan  B.
Fearless Kjitten: *pushes things off taller things with resounding crashes*
Monkey: *grumbling, gets up*
Complaint Department: Today, my young apprentice, you have made me proud.

Jan. 25th, 2010

atc

that crushing, crashing, atom-smashing, white-hot thing...

Yeah, I'm tired, and my fingers and my bad shoulder hurt like blazes.  The hip that's been bugging me since Friday's yoga class seems to have fixed itself, however.

I have made the executive decision to cancel that job interview tomorrow. The panic attack this afternoon was a pretty good sign that it was a bad idea. I think I am too old to go without sleep until November. Back to the drawing board.

Fortunately, today was a climbing day, and climbing is the best anxiety interrupt I know.

And there were four new routes! (Extra yay because that kept me busy enough that I did not throw myself at my &(*&^*&^(*&^(* project wall today. Since I hate my project wall, this made me happy.)

I tried all of them, sent three (one of them fairly well, one moderately well, one with thrashing) and just about killed myself repeatedly on the first two moves of the fourth one. I reall hope they rate that thing a 5.10, because I am putting it on my project wall list.

I think the other three are probably 5.8, 5.9-, and a solid 5.9/5.9+. That last one, which is a white route near the door, has a lot to teach me. Unfortunately, this means I am going to have to keep climbing the damned thing until I get good at it.

I reduced the complaint department's diazepam dosage by half; she seems perkier, and is being much more obnoxious, talkative, and pushy than she had been. More like herself, in other words. She's currently asserting her dominance by washing my wrists while I try to type. The litter box discipline has remained a lot better (though I hope Iam not jinxing myself by saying so). I think we'll try this regimen for a while and see how it works.

And now I think I will go fall over, because I need to get up in the morning and write another six pages of Grail.

Jan. 12th, 2010

criminal minds reid airquotes

my morning, in one act

5:30 am

Complaint Department:
You are the best monkey ever and I love you and want to cuddle you and share your pillows.
Monkey: I need at least a third of one pillow, O cat.
Complaint Department: But I loooove you.
Monkey: I love you too. You realize you are purring so loudly I cannot actually hear my clock radio?
Complaint Department: Love! Love! It is a many-splendored thing! Love!
Monkey: Seriously. I can kind of hear that it's on? But I can't make out a word they're saying.
Complaint Department: Nasty clock radio. Why would you want to hear it, when they are talking about how nasty and cold and cruel it is outside. Maybe you should stay in bed. Where it's warm. And there is a cat. Yes. You should totally stay in bed.
Monkey: Ahhh. All becomes plain to me.
Complaint Department: *snuggles more fiercely*
Monkey: *sigh*


Jan. 2nd, 2010

problem cat

Caught in the act!

Snow day detente, mediated by body heat:

20090406 003

"Don't push your luck, Kid."

20090406 004

Yup, he's officially bigger than she is.

Meanwhile, A Certain Dog consoles himself with stuffed animals, since we won't give him any kitties:

20090406 001

And now, off to shovel snow and stack wood.

Dec. 31st, 2009

bad girls firefighters

World so cold. Cats so affectionate.

help pinned under cats send assistance.

Especially since I really need to get up and ice everything that still hurts after yesterday's epic climbing success. And maybe eat something, based on the complaints my stomach is making.

And probably let the poor dog out.

Today is my last Day Off--work on The White City resumes tomorrow, and when that is done, "The Unicorn Evils." So I plan to spend today catching up on two weeks' worth of Mythbusters, reading this manuscript I am helping a friend with, and maybe taking the dog for a run since it's not too cold. Oh, and reading that damned Girl Genius collection I have been trying to get to for months now.

Tonight, the usual shindig with netcurmudgeon, ashacat, and two charming young men of my acquaintance. (And others, of course).

Farewell, 2009. So long, and thanks for all the fish.

Dec. 11th, 2009

phil ochs troubador

i had not become a cephalopod. i still had legs and arms.

Stayed up late last night writing another thousand words on "The Unicorn Evils," which puts my workdcount for yesterday at a more-than-respectable 3200, which feels like accomplishment.

And now I am blowing off yoga class, under the tanaise-originated "World so cruel, bed so warm" protocol, with my own "cats so snuggly" amendment. Also, much of the midpoint of last night was a wash on the sleeping front, thanks to my endocrine system (I almost got up at 3:45 AM out of boredom but gutted it out and managed to eventually get back to sleep around five. I mean, if I had gotten up, I would have been super-prodictive already, but at what cost?

Anyway: cat drugs appear to be working (No wonder they give this stuff to neurotic housewives; stops 'em pissing in the corners) as I have now actuallly witnessed the Complain Department using the litterbox often enough to bribe her shamelessly every time she does so. (The cat who does not like cat treats--ANY cat treats--totally flips her lid for Greenies. I dunno what is in those things. Maybe diazepam.)

Of course, this means the Kjitten also gets bribed when the CD uses the litterbox, because we believe in a cultish application of peer pressure around here, and also he can hear me open the bag.

Anyway, I should probably get out from under these cats and feed them (because apparently I am the only Food Ape (tm autopope and feorag) around here who can actually remember to put food in the bowls of a morning*) and let the dog out and feed him, and then get to work--as apparently we** are not going to yoga class this week, and I am seriously okay with that. In fact, I might be seriously okay with not leaving the house at all today, although I should get to the gym and lift weights and run... unless I decide to go climbing tonight just for the hell of it.

*Well, it does mean I have a fuzzy organic alarm clock or two.

**and by we we mean I

Dec. 6th, 2009

criminal minds diana reid crazy

and you said in all your tragedy, you'd rather hide in mine

20090406 010

Will you be my friend?

20090406 012

Ebil Inside.
ace the wonder dog

and the boys of the nypd choir were singing galway bay

Well, very little work accomplished yesterday, but we did get a christmas tree bought and erected, and snow shovels and ice melt--and just in time! Ace 20090406 008the Wonder Dog would like to register his disappointment that apparently this new house also suffers from an infestation of that nasty white stuff, which he was hoping would not trouble him here. (His first house was in Florida. He has not quite forgiven New England for its winters.)

Yes, our tree was spawned of a hell dimension.

Decorating the tree was kind of an emotional experience for me, because these ornaments have been in storage since 2002, and they all (of course) have memories attached.

20090406 004Meanwhile, this morning, the Complaint Department brought me a glitterball, which was both a lovely gesture and made me realize that she has been increasingly anhedonic for a while now. Because the glitterball deliveries were never what you would call regular, but they were occasional, and I can't remember the last one.

So it appears the kitty diazepam is working as it should, and she's feeling less stressed and more playful.

She even let the kjitten get away with patting her on the head this morning.

Of course the downside of this is more jumping on my face in the middle of the night.

I feel like I am a bad kitty mom, and I should have noticed that she was more stressed out than I realized before she resorted to domestic terrorism.

Meanwhile, the GRD is working on his levitation:

20090406 007

If only he can figure out how to get all four paws up at once, he'll have this licked.

Dec. 5th, 2009

david bowie realism _ truepenny

and i have to get to texas, i have to get to texas

8:00 pm
Monkey: Oh dear. I seem to be suffering from a miserable allergic reaction to something. I think I will take some benedryl, go to bed early, and skeep it off.

9:00 pm
Complaint Department: Monkey?
Monkey: Shhh. Sleeping.
Complaint Department: Monkey?
Monkey: Shhh. Sleeping.
Complaint Department: Monkey? But  I need scritches.
Monkey: Huh? Scritches? Okay. Now can we sleep?
Complaint Department: *purrs*
Monkey: Shhh. Sleeping.

11:00 pm
Giant Ridiculous Dog: *barks at random noises*
Monkey: Oh, god, go to sleep, dog.
Giant Ridiculous Dog: *barks at people on the street*
Monkey: Oh, for the love of baby jesus, go to sleep.
Giant Ridiculous Dog: *barks at dust particles*
Monkey: Don't make me get out of this bed.
Giant Ridiculous Dog: *barks at air molecules*
Monkey: The house had better be on fire because it caught from the welding torch the serial killer was using to break in, is all I'm saying.
Monkey: *gets out of bed*
Giant Ridiculous Dog: *silence*

12:00 am
Monkey: *sleeps*
Complaint Department: *jumps over Monkey's head*
Monkey: *hides head under covers*
Complaint Department: *walks on Monkey's hair*
Monkey: *pretends to sleeps*
Complaint Department: *jumps over Monkey's head*
Complaint Department: *again*
Complaint Department: *and again*
Monkey: Cat, did you notice that you are on Valium?
Complaint Department: I love it! It makes me so perky!

2:00 am
Giant Ridiculous Dog: *barks at random noises*
Monkey: Oh, god, go to sleep, dog.
Giant Ridiculous Dog: *barks at people leaving party across the street*
Monkey: *reads script from earlier*
Giant Ridiculous Dog: *barks at dust particles*
Monkey: *skips ahead to the getting out of bed part*
Giant Ridiculous Dog: *silence*

4:00 am
Complaint Department: *barks at random noises*
Monkey: ...

6:00 am
Alarm clock: *Pachelbel's Canon!*
Monkey: No.
Complaint Department: *walks on Monkey's hair*

8:00 am
Monkey: *gets up*
Monkey: Cat? Where are you? You need your pill and your treat.
Fearless Kjitten:  Treeeeeeeeeeet?
Complaint Department: *evaporates*

9:00 pm
Monkey: Gosh, why am I so tired? I slept twelve hours last night!

Dec. 4th, 2009

criminal minds reid eat

i recall the moment when you ruined me for other men

20090406Tea today: linden chamomile
Teacup today: quityerbitchinandwrite

Just finally settling down to get some work done on "The Unicorn Evils," after yoga, weights, grocery shopping, eating something before I fell over, putting the groceries away, and putting all the bones in the freezer into stock pots to become stock so I had room to put away the frozen veggies.

Also, the bread is in the loaf pan. I hope it rises sufficiently to be baked tonight or tomorrow, because I want to eat it. With butter and harissa and sardines, because--god knows why--I am craving sardines lately. And other fish. And fresh orange-carrot juice. And harissa. Maybe I need vitamins and fish oil, to counteract the looming lockdown of winter.

I'm surprisingly pleased with the way TUE is shaping up so far. It's giving me lots of good, juicy ideas and character stuff, and it's only going to be better once Emma gets her teeth into it.

Yay for work we love!

The Complaint Department seems to be adapting to her new pill regimen pretty well so far. At least, no obvious personality change, but she does seem calmer when something mildly stressful happens, like being picked up by her monkey or a Kjitten! Attack! (Which we have with appalling regularity around here.)

(One diazepam for the cat; one for me... nah, they'd catch on to that.)

To-do list shrinking slowly.

Dec. 2nd, 2009

atc

(no subject)

Good climbing night, for all I walked in out of sorts and sore. Floundered on a 5.8 I have sailed up before, but then nailed the next one and got a new one in the corner/in the chimney, a balancy stemmy route that's all opposition, and which includes some freaking cheerleader splits at the top. There is one actual handhold that's not a palm on the whole route.

Then I did some easy stuff, a nice 5.6 in the front corner and a new 5.6 on the slab, which I then downclimbed and did no hands. Go me!

And that was enough.

The Nice Dr. Pomper called--my mom talked to him; I was (obviously) out. He says there is nothing wrong with the PC... physically... so we are happy about that.
And now, back to the to-do list, this time in bed with tea.
problem cat

and i don't mind dying but for the love of you

Complaint Department: I shall nap in this sunbeam, and all shall be well.
Monkey: *sneaks*
Complaint Department: Fear! Fire! Foes! Sherpa Bag! MURDER! MURDER MOST FOUL!
Monkey: Sorry about that, but it's Rabies Shot Time. Also, we're going to have a little talk with that nice Dr. Pomper about cats who are inconsistent about using the litterbox.
Complaint Department: You wouldn't dare.
Monkey: Try me.
Complaint Department: It's a recognized form of social protest.
Monkey: And this is why the Soviets instituted Gulags. Come on, into the car.
Complaint Department: *complains*
Monkey: *drives*
Complaint Department: *complains*
Monkey: *parks*
Complaint Department: *complains*
Reception Monkey: My, she's certainly a vocal one.
Monkey: We call her the Complaint Department around the house. She has a complaint.
Complaint Department: *sings arias of complaint*
Reception Monkey: I can see that.
Complaint Department: You can see how I'm being treated! And now I'm LOCKED IN A BOX in a ROOM with DOGS and OTHER CATS. Don't you know who I am?!
Monkey: They have your chart. I'm sure they do.
Reception Monkey: Complaint Department, room 3. The nice Dr. Pomper will see you now.
Monkey: There, see? All safe and quiet now. Would you like to come out of that box?
Complaint Department: *emerges hesitantly*
Complaint Department: I smell dogs.
Monkey: So do I.
That Nice Dr. Pomper: So what do we have here today? Rabies vaccination and checkup?
Monkey: Yes please. Also, we have this little... social issue.
Complaint Department: Oh, no, you don't.
That Nice Dr. Pomper: Peeing outside the litterbox, are we? How old is she?
Monkey: Fourteen or fifteen. She's a rescue: we can't be sure. But old enough that I'm concerned about diabetes and liver function. As well as, you know. Evil.
Complaint Department: I can't believe you're discussing my medical details with a total stranger.
Monkey: He's your vet. And I'm going to go home and tell the Internet, anyway.
That Nice Dr. Pomper: Well, I agree with your diagnosis of evil, but that's not acute; it's chronic. Well, we'll take some blood and a urine, and if that's all clear, we'll figure out what to do about the behavioral issues.
Monkey: Already tried moving the litterbox, moving her food to where she was peeing, adding another litterbox, making sure she had quiet time away from the other animals, excluding her from the room she was peeing in--
That Nice Dr. Pomper: Well, there's always valium. It works very well in stubborn cases.
Monkey: Hear that, CD? Kitty Prozac is on the horizon if you don't shape up.
Complaint Department: 0.0
That Nice Dr. Pomper: Right. Just going to shave her throat and draw some blood here--
Complaint Department: 0.0 0.o
That Nice Dr. Pomper: Oh good, I can palpate some pee in there. And now we'll take a sterile urine sample with a hypodermic--
Complaint Department: !!!!!
Monkey: She will bite.
That Nice Dr. Pomper: So would I. There, that wasn't so bad, was it?
Complaint Department: I hate you all.
Monkey: You did this to yourself. I tried to warn you.
That Nice Dr. Pomper: Results should be back in a couple of days! See you outside!
Complaint Department: I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here!

Nov. 18th, 2009

comics bone stupid stupid rat creatures

Dogs and comic books living together

As promised, a few notes on Growing Up Comic, the comic book handed to me at the climbing gym last night by the writer/artist, Matt Roscetti. (Who is a MUCH better climber than I am.)

I really liked it. Reminded me a little of Bone and Tales of the Beanworld in (respectively) the art style and the lightness of approach. The narrative is a little coincidental, but engaging and it kept making me smile. Very comforting on a rough morning. (I'm waiting to take the Complaint Department to the vet, as she got into an altercation with the GRD this morning because I was an idiot and didn't make sure the airlock door was shut while I was carrying some stuff through from Dog Zone to Cat Zone. I thought she was smart enough to stay upstairs. I guess not.

Anyway, she appears to be fine, but we're getting her a checkup anyway.)

This is what I get for planning a relaxing day off.

Anyway, back to the comforting comic book, which helped a lot with the wait, and which I think generally deserves your attention,

Cover:

20090406 003

My favorite splash page:

20090406 004

Matt's web page is at www.daydreamcomics.com, and the book can be ordered online for nine bucks.

I guess that makes it #50.

Nov. 16th, 2009

cat and mouse

(no subject)

Do you think if I got two more pillows, so there were seven on the bed, the cat would let me have two?

Nov. 12th, 2009

cat and mouse

letter to cats

Dear Cats:

While I appreciate that chasing each other around the house is an important part of your daily routine, please refrain from having bat-fights across the monkey's leg, or attempting to embroil her in your disputes. She does not have protective fur and needs all of her fingers to type with.

Also, the fingers with which she is typing are not toys.

Love,

Monkey

(P.S. I don't suppose either of you know how the sliding closet door managed to end up out of its tracks and fallen across the foot of the bed, do you?)

Nov. 5th, 2009

problem cat

the small flightless birds that you failed to protect

Dear Cat:

Please do not stand on that book, as I am currently attempting to read from it.

Love,

your Monkey.

Oct. 29th, 2009

cat and mouse

we don't follow fashion. that would be a joke.

So about those appearances in and around Albany this Sunday...

...I fear I am going to have to cancel, as the Complaint Department is sick cut for tmiCollapse ) and will be requiring care a few times a day for the next few days.

I'm really sorry and extend apologies to anybody who was planning to see me there, but she's an old kitty and has been my companion for over fifteen years now, and she comes first.

Oct. 1st, 2009

problem cat

you say i'm hurt? i will take your word.

INT: BATHROOM: ESTABLISHING SHOT

A cramped apartment bathroom, mid-morning, The shower is running, and faint coughing floats from behind the green and purple shower curtain along with the splash of running water.

CLOSE ON:

A small white and grey kjitten, stalking the shower curtain. He vanishes between the inner and outer curtains, in the time-honored tradition of kjittens everywhere.

Monkey (OC): Kjitten, that is only going to end in tears.

Kjitten (OC): Monkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey? What are you doooooooooooing?

Monkey (OC): Washing my hair! Watch it. You will not like it if you fall in.

Kjitten: (pokes head around edge of curtain, into tub) What? It's just water. Warm water! Oh, nifty! Can I come in the tub with you and play with your toes?

Monkey: (OC except for toes): Cat? You are weird.

Complaint Department: He likes water? Tell him about the cave-diving opportunities available in the toilet.

Sep. 28th, 2009

cat and mouse

first you decide what you've got to do and then you go out and do it

So, when he came into the house, the Fearless Kitten was treated for earmites. We just did a follow-up investigation to make sure that he and the Presumptuous Cat both remain earmite-free, because The Best Roomie Ever, being A Scientist* (she has a degree! in Science!) has a microscope.

She just invited me into the kitchen to examine cat earwax under 400X magnification. (No mites were present.) It has an interesting, almost crystalline structure.


*You can tell she is A Scientist not just because she owns a microscope, but because she noted : "Neither cat appreciated the sampling process."
ace the wonder dog

learn to hide our bottles in the well

Monkey vs. Giant Ridiculous Dog

Monkey: Quit hiding under the table. It's dog-brushing day.
GRD: Are you sure we can't discuss this? I'm open to negotation.
Monkey: I'm not. Either you get brushed for an hour today, or for six to eight hours when I get home from VP. I know which I prefer.
GRD: What if I climb up on the sofa out of the way, where I go when you vacuum?
Monkey: No. Come over here and stand still.
GRD: What if I give you my paw?
Monkey: No. Come over here and stand still.
GRD: Bring you a stuffed unicorn and play bow?
Monkey: No. Come over here and stand still.
GRD: How about if you just brush my ruff, and leave the tail and feet alone?
Monkey: No. Come over here and stand still.
GRD: bigdogsigh
Monkey: Now we're getting somewhere.
GRD: You know, for this torment, the least you could do is give me a kitty.
Complaint Department: (from upstairs) I HEARD THAT!

Sep. 15th, 2009

criminal minds hotch and reid has your b

i'm tired of being in love and being all alone

IMG_0607[1]

Yeah so--who's gonna win this one?

...man, I forgot how much I love brothers in arms.

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