I start with a sentence like this:
Will sat picking at a supper of mutton and ale in the coolest corner of the common room, pages from Titus spread on the table before him and his trencher shoved to the side, the ink drying in the nib of his pen.
And I turn it into a sentence like this:
Will sat picking at a supper of mutton and ale in the coolest corner of the common room, his trencher shoved to one side and Titus spread on the table, the ink drying in his pen.
Doesn't seem like much, does it? But you would be amazed how it adds up. Do that to every single one of the 12,452 sentences in this novel (averaging 11.4 words per sentence, I might add), and you have a much tighter and better-flowing book.
The astute observer will notice that most of the important stuff I did to that sentence was not the trimming, but fixing the line of direction so the evolution of action and description flow more naturally through the movement of the prose.
Yeah, I actually do this with every dratted book. Every time I revise it.
What, you thought it fell out of my head that way?
(Hey, at least I'm blogging about revising. That's like work.)
- Mood:
nerdy - Music:Outgrabe - We Like Angels Never Weep
I escaped from the Dungeon of Matociquala!
I killed Immlass the orc, Mekkavandexter the cockatrice, Rgljr69 the nymph, Enegim the goblin, Anaparenna the dragon, Sosostris2012 the rat and Opportunitygrrl the rat.
I looted the Sceptre of Reading, the Dagger of Paulmelko, the Amulet of Shadowhelm, the Axe of Aitchellsee, the Dagger of Fantasygoat, the Crown of Tgabrielle, the Sword of Renakuzar, the Wand of Rosamund, the Crown of Michaelnolan, the Axe of I Spy, the Dagger of Cassandraclare, the Wand of Oracne, the Shield of Meathelmet, the Armour of Rahalia Cat, the Shield of Witchqueen, the Crown of Epicyclical, the Sceptre of Eco-gothic, the Shield of Andyhat, the Axe of Supergee, the Crown of Katallen, the Crown of Daveamongus, a Figurine of Cathemery, the Sword of Thoughtcrime, the Shield of Resar and 168 gold pieces.
Score: 668
Explore the Dungeon of Matociquala and try to beat this score,or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...
Best encounter:
You read the scroll marked 'TRAGIC GLASS'. You hear the sound of elizabethan poetry in the distance.
- Mood:
catwaxed - Music:FERRON - Shady Gate
- Mood:
full - Music:Boy George And Culture Club - Karma Chameleon