From: Elizabeth Bear
Date: 2007 01 11
Re: You request for promotion.
Dear Mr. Basilisk
We are in receipt of your application for a promotion to point of view character for the duration of our current work in progress. Unfortunately, we feel we must deny your request, for the following reasons:
- We already have three POV characters, and that's quite enough in a book this silly
- We have already satisfied the AI life form affirmative action requirement for this novel
- You are thematically null, and your contract is covered under the "cool shit" rather than the "literary merit" or "narrative imperative" portions of the budget. We cannot currently afford to pay you as POV character.
- If you were to become a POV character, we would be required by OSHA and BPSESW (but not SFWA) character standards to provide you with a plot arc and character development opportunities. We do not currently have any in stock that would suit a snarky four-kilogram nanotech colony that thinks it's a mythical animal.