it's a great life, if you don't weaken (matociquala) wrote,
it's a great life, if you don't weaken

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Cat vs. Monkey, redux

6:43 am:

Cat: Monkey? Monkey? Monkey, are you awake?
Monkey: Gwrah?
Cat: Monkey, you were twitching in your sleep. Are you dying?
Monkey: I was dreaming about driving to San Diego. With maps with little dotted lines. And trying to figure out if there was anybody along the way I could stay with. I'm sleeping now.
Cat: *purrs in monkey's ear, slowly increasing volume until the bedstead rattles*
Monkey: Gwrah. Stoppit.
Cat: Your alarm went off thirteen minutes ago. But it's still dark.
Monkey: Blame the president.
Cat: Are you getting up now? I want to use your pillow.
Monkey: G'way.
Cat: *puts icy nose on the back of the monkey's hand*
Monkey: Gwrah!
Cat: *ehe*
Monkey: I'm using that pillow. My hand is on it.
Cat: But I want to sleep on it.
Monkey: *pokes cat's ribcage with poking finger*
Cat: *pokes monkey's hand with claw*
Monkey: *cuffs cat*
Cat: *pokes monkey's hand with two claws*
Monkey: I'm going to win this escalation, cat.
Cat: Whatever. I'm hungry.
Monkey: I thought you wanted the pillow.
Cat: After you get up and feed me.
Monkey: Talk to the hand.
Cat: You fingers look kind of like cat food....
Monkey: Gerroff! That tickles!
Cat: If you fed me at a reasonable hour, I wouldn't be forced to find substitutes.
Monkey: If you let me sleep, I wouldn't be tempted to make cat kebabs.
Cat: *looks innocent*
Monkey: *dozes*
Cat: *uses the cold wet nose trick again*
Monkey: *burrows under covers*
Cat: *digs*
Monkey: Gwrah. Gwrah!
Cat: Look, monkey! The sun's up. You're late!
Monkey: I work for myself.
Cat: Exactly. No-one will care for me if you starve. I'll have to eat the body.
Monkey: fkt. *struggles upright*
Cat: WIKTORY! *frolicks*
Monkey: *lurches*
Cat: *gambols*
Monkey: I'm only getting up because I have to work. And I'm hungry.
Cat: Whatever. I'd like the tuna surprise this morning, please, monkey. And a small tin of caviar.
Monkey: Damn, it's late. Why did you let me sleep so long?
Cat: ...
Tags: cat vs. monkey, presumptuous cat

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