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bear by san

March 2017

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can't sleep books will eat me

Cat vs. Monkey, redux

6:43 am:

Cat: Monkey? Monkey? Monkey, are you awake?
Monkey: Gwrah?
Cat: Monkey, you were twitching in your sleep. Are you dying?
Monkey: I was dreaming about driving to San Diego. With maps with little dotted lines. And trying to figure out if there was anybody along the way I could stay with. I'm sleeping now.
Cat: *purrs in monkey's ear, slowly increasing volume until the bedstead rattles*
Monkey: Gwrah. Stoppit.
Cat: Your alarm went off thirteen minutes ago. But it's still dark.
Monkey: Blame the president.
Cat: Are you getting up now? I want to use your pillow.
Monkey: G'way.
Cat: *puts icy nose on the back of the monkey's hand*
Monkey: Gwrah!
Cat: *ehe*
Monkey: I'm using that pillow. My hand is on it.
Cat: But I want to sleep on it.
Monkey: *pokes cat's ribcage with poking finger*
Cat: *pokes monkey's hand with claw*
Monkey: *cuffs cat*
Cat: *pokes monkey's hand with two claws*
Monkey: I'm going to win this escalation, cat.
Cat: Whatever. I'm hungry.
Monkey: I thought you wanted the pillow.
Cat: After you get up and feed me.
Monkey: Talk to the hand.
Cat: You fingers look kind of like cat food....
Monkey: Gerroff! That tickles!
Cat: If you fed me at a reasonable hour, I wouldn't be forced to find substitutes.
Monkey: If you let me sleep, I wouldn't be tempted to make cat kebabs.
Cat: *looks innocent*
Monkey: *dozes*
Cat: *uses the cold wet nose trick again*
Monkey: *burrows under covers*
Cat: *digs*
Monkey: Gwrah. Gwrah!
Cat: Look, monkey! The sun's up. You're late!
Monkey: I work for myself.
Cat: Exactly. No-one will care for me if you starve. I'll have to eat the body.
Monkey: fkt. *struggles upright*
Cat: WIKTORY! *frolicks*
Monkey: *lurches*
Cat: *gambols*
Monkey: I'm only getting up because I have to work. And I'm hungry.
Cat: Whatever. I'd like the tuna surprise this morning, please, monkey. And a small tin of caviar.
Monkey: Damn, it's late. Why did you let me sleep so long?
Cat: ...

Comments

AWW CAT!
She's a terrible cat.

Heh. I must echo this and round one to my flist. I'm in ur flist, metaquotin' u!
eeee!

Don't tell the cat she's famous!
<weeps for lack of cat in own life>
Come sleep on my sofa for a week. The Presumptuous Cat will cure you. *g*
I'd call her an adorable cat.
my dog slept on my bed last night, but as long as I leave the door open she feels no compunction to wake me up in the morning. ^_^
I've found the worst cat wakeup is from a cat who thinks she's a monkey. When I stayed at a friend's house about a year ago, I slept on the floor and would often wake with her cat curled up on my face. She would also climb up my back when I sat up and she'd grip my skull with all four limbs. Almost put my eye out. Maybe she was more koala than monkey, actually . . .
There ARE worse places for a cold, wet cat nose, ya know. :o)~
There was a brief spell of time when Boopsie used to apply her cold wet nose to my armpit.

Yieeee!

That'll wake you up.

And after a few days, my sleeping position seems to have permanently changed to keep those armpits well under covers...
I feel your pain. I was awakened around 3AM today by Jemmy, who was rooting through a basket of yarn for Thing To Kill. He didn't get bored until he'd killed about 5 balls of the stuff. Repeated attempts to eject him were without result.
Adopting a species of nocturnal predator as a house pet was such a good idea.
Cat x 4 = my house on weekends.

Why do they always win?
genetic advantage.
Hee!

This literally had me laughing out loud.

I love this occasional series.
I love your Cat vs. Monkey blogging. It all sounds so familiar. This monkey, too, is much beset by cats. :D
:: snicker ::

Dreaming of San Diego already? :)
It was more of a trauma dream, from my various long trips xcountry. *g*
You know, I have more cats than the average cat person.

I keep the bedroom door shut at night and I sleep alone.

Although, as a side note, on the nights I really and truly simply cannot get to sleep, I go to the cot spare bed in the office and sleep there, because there I may have quiet music and several cats will settle around me like sediment on the ocean floor.

On the average nights, they'd keep me awake. On the bad nights, they keep me sane.
*g* Mostly, i enjoy sleeping with the cat. It's just when I don't....