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bear by san

March 2017

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can't sleep books will eat me

all kinds of animals come in here. occasional demons too.

Hey, the cover art for Whiskey & Water is finally up on Amazon. 

It must have fallen behind the desk.



Cat: Monkey, are you dead again?
Monkey: Ow. Get off my hair.
Cat: Monkey, HELLLOOOOOO? Are you dead?
Monkey: I am reasonably sure that dead things don't yelp when you walk on their hair.
Cat: Bleert? Mreep? Prowr? Still dead? I saw it in a movie; it could happen.
Monkey: No more netflix for you.
Cat: ...
Monkey: Ow. My hair. Cat. You are walking on it.
Cat: *continues to walk back and forth on monkey's hair, making bleerting noises*
Monkey: *makes scrunchy motion on cat's side with fingers*
Cat: Hey! Dead things don't pinch.
Monkey: Good lord, cat, I'm sleeping. Day off.
Cat: I might starve to death any minute. And then we would both be dead. And I would HAUNT YOU.
Monkey: We already have a poltergeist.
Cat: I bet you forget to feed him, also.
Monkey: There was food in your bowls when I went to bed.
Cat: It's too scary in the kitchen without you.
Monkey: ...
Cat:
There's a poltergeist!
Monkey: Oh, for the love of mike.*
Cat: !
Monkey: *recollects she needs to get up and shower by ten anyway, and measure a wall for shelving. fumbles for the clock beside the bed.*
Cat: WIKTORY!
Monkey: Don't be so smug, cat. I'm so checking my email and showering before I feed you.
Cat: *crunches happily at food remaining in bowl from last night, then curls up on the big chair for a nap*
Monkey: ...
Monkey: ...
Monkey: ...
Cat: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Monkey: Well, at least I got up in time to hear Jonathan Lethem and do some math before netcurmudgeon gets here.



In other news, once the bookshelves are built, it's time to seriously clean this place.



*Mike is not the poltergeist

Comments

I think you need to collect these cat'n'monkey dialogues somewhere and stash them away for a rainy day.

You never know when you might need to publish them.

Seriously ...
I agree. And it's an auspicious day when the first two posts are from heavyset men named Charles. You should play our birthdays in the lottery. Mine's 12-18-68.
And mine's 18-10-64.

Ooooohhhhh.

Whatever jackpot you win should equal the late fees I have for Accelerando right now, Ms. Bear.
I love your hallucigenia.
Thanks. I remember reading the article Steven J. Gould wrote about the Burgess Shale when it first appeared in Discover or Scientific American. Since then, I've been a fan. The Burgess Shale is always something fun to poke in the face of creationists.
Have you been to the Field Museum in Chicago? Their evolution exhibit includes a huge computerized "aquarium" of Cambrian Explosion critters, including one of these things.
No, but that sounds awesome. I'll have to remember that for when I go out there. In research for my novel, I googled all sorts of prehistoric creatures and found lil' Hallucigenia. Another favorite is opabinia. Imagine if that had become the dominant species. What kind of car would it drive? Would it like Criminal Minds or Rome?
There's an opabinia in the aquarium, too. I've been working on a project with dinosaurs in it, which has given me a great excuse to spend a lot of time wandering around Evolving Planet and taking notes.
There's always the possibility...

Maybe an illustrated limited edition book, the cover decorated with tufts of my torn-out hair....
If you ever have the GoH slot at Boskone inflicted upon you, NESFA Press will want to publish a handsome hardbound limited-edition volume of some of your more obscure works. Fiction, humour, blog entries, you name it. And I reckon cat'n'monkey dialogues would be a natural fit.
There you go. That would be truly obscure!
My wife and I are thinking graphic novel. We'd buy it in a heartbeat.

You've managed to convince me that I really *am* a cat inside. I completely understand where the cat is coming from. My wife and I have conversations like this all the time, with me taking the part of the cat.

(...no, I did NOT just call my wife a monkey...)
Hee. You try to find an artist. It's *hard.*
http://www.studiofoglio.com/

Of course, it sounds like they're pretty busy these days, but still...;)
Nothing is funnier than cat vs. monkey dialogues. I want to write my own, for my cat and this monkey are in a very strange battle for alpha male domination of the household. It's weird.

Was Lethem on NPR? I like his speaking voice. I thought I'd hate it when I heard he was going to be on NOR a while back.

Poltergeist?!?! Seriously? Do tell!
Something in the kitchen breaks glasses in the sink and on the drainboard occasionally. (My mature adult guess is "temperature differential") And my first couple of months in this apartment, I was breaking things *constantly.*
Sounds to me like cat and monkey are the poltergoosts in your hizzouse.
He was on Studio 360 this morning. You can prolly pick it up online.
For some reason, seeing the cover art always makes the book seem 'more real'. :)

Miss Abigail always chases me for food. Despite the fact that Ian feeds her also, she's always after me. He could be home all day, but the second I arrive at the door, she's all over me. Funny, because I'm the mean one who makes her wait. ;)
It's more satisfying to make *you* do it.

And I need to send you something, and I spaced.

Sorry. Bad brain!
Happy New Bookcases!

I'm very satisfied with my Ikea Billy bookcases. I'll be going back for more of them eventually.

Okay, so if Mike isn't the poltergeist, what's the poltergeist's name?
Claude
This cat and monkey material is pretty good.

And then we would both be dead.

This is my favorite line. Do you crack yourself up as much as you do your readers? Can it be written with a straight face? Or is that like asking if you have to be drunk to brew good beer?
*g* Sometimes I make myself snicker pretty hard. Usually not when I am writing it, but when I go back six months later to check something and find myself rereading something I wrote, not remembering it, and laughing like a drain.

I am SO preordering Whiskey and Water

I haven't reviewed your stuff yet (ha ha like everyone's waiting for my reviews; I do them just for my own 'processing' on books I read, really) but I've read the Hammered series, Carnival and Blood & Iron and I think B & I is the best so far. I liked 'em all but B & I made me think, had me looking up stuff on the internets so I could get more of the nuances of the story.

Is W & W as good? Better? Are you really going to write a bunch in this series? Make 'em print it faster, ok?

Re: I am SO preordering Whiskey and Water

I've written five; four are sold; I have ideas for at least seven more.

I'm glad you like them so far!

I hope W&W is better--I like to think I'm improving. But you never know what will kick somebody in the squid, as it were.