it's a great life, if you don't weaken (matociquala) wrote,
it's a great life, if you don't weaken
matociquala

splendid isolation, i don't need no-one

Monkey: Cat, where are you?
Cat: I don't hear you.
Monkey: Cat, are you under the bed?
Cat: I don't know you.
Monkey: Cat? Are you in the closet?
Cat: Help me! This alien monkey is stalking me!
Monkey: I put out food.
Cat: I don't want your filthy bribes. Primate.
Monkey: *returns to chair*
Cat: I still don't know you.

*time passes*

Monkey: There's still food.
Cat: I'm not speaking with you, Primate.
Monkey: Aha! But at least you acknowledge my existence! Wiktory!
Cat: ...

*time passes*

Cat: Primate, you are blocking my access to the window with the birds behind it.
Monkey: This chair is big enough for the both of us.
Cat: No, it ain't.
Monkey: Suit yourself.
Cat: Oh, look. Kibble. A good thing this wasn't provided by a perfidous Monkey, or I would have to spurn it.
Monkey: ...

*time passes*

Monkey: Cat? Where are you?
Cat: I've been on the chair beside you for the last fifteen minutes. You were too busy watching Doctor Who to notice.
Monkey: ...
Cat: If I were a tiger, I would have eaten you.
Monkey: Lucky for me, you're not a tiger.
Cat: Indeed. Instead, I have to wait for you to die.
Monkey: Well, you may have to wait a while.
Cat: *looks shifty*
Monkey: Cat? Are you contemplating something I should know about?
Cat: Um. No?
Monkey: Good. Keep it that way.
Cat: It would just be sad if anything were to happen to you, is all.
Monkey: Good. I agree.
Cat: Then the replacement monkeys might have to take me back. And pay attention to me. And not make fun of me on the internets. And feed me treats. And I might get... spoiled.
Cat: *looks shifty again*
Monkey: *sleeps with one eye open*

*time passes*

Monkey: Cat, get off my copy of Archaelogy, please.
Cat: It's a stupid magazine anyway. What is that, written on a third grade level?
Monkey: Fifth.
Cat: I rest my case. Turn off the light, Monkey. I'm sleepy.
Monkey: Are you going to sleep in the bed? Because I thought you hated me.
Cat: Well, the other monkeys are better.
Monkey: *reads*
Cat: You're getting sleeeeepy, Monkey. Very, very sleeepy. Sleeeeeepier and sleeeepier....
Monkey: *yawns*
Cat: Sleeepier and sleeeeeeeeeeepier.....
Monkey: *turns off light*
Cat: Oh, and move your head. It's on my pillow.

*time passes*

Cat: Monkey! Monkey! Monkey!
Monkey: *snork* ....Wha?
Cat: THE GARBAGE TRUCK IS GOING TO EAT US ALL! RUN! RUN!
Monkey: ...okay, I'm up now. Would you like some breakfast?
Cat: Is the monster gone?
Monkey: Down the block already.
Cat: In that case, yes please. Caviar and ham?
Monkey: Friskies?
Cat: If we're on hardship rations, I suppose. Oh, and Monkey?
Monkey: Yes, Cat?
Cat: ...I'm glad you're not dead after all. I think the mimosa might be, though.
Monkey: Alas, I think you're right. I knew I should have repotted it right away.
Cat: Lazy Monkey. Move over on that chair.
Tags: cat vs. monkey, presumptuous cat
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