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bear by san

December 2021



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bear by san

Zen, and no words written, but 92,000 words read.

Starting to get a little bit restless, though. Which is a good sign. And I have tons of reading to do--my books from the UK came yesterday. And I should really cut myself more slack on this book, and try to find some peace that it's going to take a while to write.

I've gotten spoiled, that's what it is, with nice short ideas that seem to crystallize neatly into nice little 100K books that only take a couple of months to get on paper. And now I have this monstrous THING on my hands....

I poked at "One-Eyed Jack and the Suicide King" yesterday, and maybe fixed it. A little. Or at least made it better. I like that story a lot, but it's one of the very-narrow-miss club, along with "Gone to Flowers" and "Wax" and "Los Empujaderos Furiosos" and a couple of others. The ones I suspect I either have right, and they haven't found the right market on the right day yet, or they're close enough that they may be fixable for a pro sale.

I shouldn't fret so. I already have as many sales this year as I did last year, although two of last year's sales were pro and this year's are all semipro so far.

And I reread The Sea Thy Mistress--got sucked in after sending it to a friend who hadn't seen it--and had the pleasant surprise of realizing that, even though it's a year old, it's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. The sentence-level writing isn't really up to snuff, and it's maybe missing some things I would do now--but I also don't think I could fix it without turning it into a different book. Because it's very much of a style and from a period, and I don't think I could duplicate its sort of mosaiclike attack again.

I'd wind up with something more like Hammered, which has a mosaiclike structure as well, but it's a much tighter one. Sea is... impressionist, dreamy, pointillist. Unreal.

I couldn't do that again if I tried.

And I look at it now, and it looks like a sophomore effort. But not a bad one. Which really makes me very happy on two levels: One, my book doesn't suck. Two, I've learned enough since April of 2002 to realize where it falls short of what it could have been. So now I know that I can handle The Stratford Man.

And if the draft comes out flawed, I can fix it: I fixed Bridge of Blood & Iron where it was broke. I fixed Hammered when I didn't get it quite right the first time, and I know how to fix Scardown when its second pass is due.

And so I am at peace. And past my outrageous bout of being ridden by the suckmonkey a few weeks back, which is comforting, because the tortured artist oh I suck thing is awfully tiresome.

I know how to write books. I'm not even particularly bad at it. And I can write this book, too.

It will just take a little time.

So there, suckmonkey. Chew on that.


Yes. Listen to yourself. 'Cause it's true.
That it is -- Sarah's are pretty good at this game ::grins::


*Cheefully boinks suckmonkey on the head for Ebear*