it's a great life, if you don't weaken (matociquala) wrote,
it's a great life, if you don't weaken

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Cat V. Monkey: Nuclear Escalation

Cat: M-m-m-m-monster!
Monkey: ?
Cat: Monster! In the kitchen!
Monkey: want to watch Scooby-Doo?
Cat: No! There's a monster! In the kitchen! And it growled at me! And it's coming this way!
Monkey: Hmm.
Cat: What are you going to dooo, Monkaye?
Monkey: This monster.
Cat: Yes?
Monkey: Is it about eighteen inches in diameter and three inches tall?
Cat: What's an inch?
Monkey: Oh, say, a little less than belly-high.
Cat: Yes. About that.
Monkey: Dark grey and light grey?
Cat: You saw it! Get it out! At once!
Monkey: I not only saw it, I bought it.
Cat: ...
Monkey: ?
Cat: Bought it? Monkey, stop joking.
Monkey: I did. We got a royalty check. I bought you a robot.
Cat: Robot?
Monkey: Yep.
Cat: Robot... monster?
Cat: Is it... alive?
Monkey: Nope.
Cat: But it chirps. And growls. And calls you to come pick it up when it gets stuck behind something.
Monkey: Just a robot. It vacuums up kitty litter.
Cat: But that's what you're for.
Monkey: And scrubs up cat vomit.
Cat: But that's what you're for....
Monkey: And provides lots of healthful exercise for cats.
Cat: ...
Monkey: ?
Cat: Monkey. You're not funny.
Monkey: Probably not. But I am the one with the credit card.
Cat: I hate you.
Monkey: I knew that.
Cat: My vengeance will be swift and terrible. You will never know what hit you.
Monkey: You say the sweetest things.
Cat: I hate you with a hate so immense it cannot be contained in my tiny, shivering frame.
Monkey: That's very literary. Would you like me to make a lap, so you can sit on it and I can protect you? 
Cat: It won't make me hate you any less.
Monkey: I know. But I am not without mercy.

Tags: cat vs. monkey, presumptuous cat

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