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bear by san

March 2017



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spies mfu facepalm napoleon

but i believe in peace. i believe in peace, bitch.

So, it turns out that the people who manufacture truck testicles are very serious about returning 10% of their profits to the community.


I'm torn between writing them to find out if they'll make a set of bosoms for my Honda, or just going with the testes. I think I need a smaller car, though, to really develop the irony properly.


Were I more ambitious, I'd swipe a good animal-shelter flyer and modify it into an earnest plea for neutering one's vehicles, all about how junkyards are filled with unwanted vehicles, how many are abandoned in rural areas every year, and so forth, and then I'd go around tucking it under the wipers of the appropriate vehicles.
I think I REALLY like you.
Now I know what to get my brother for Christmas.
Well I mean they do donate to their local 4h and FFA... um here's a check for $400.00 sponsored by Deez Nutz.
Next step in this marketing curve is for them to start flocking and coloring the Nutz, so they have the comforting feel of fuzzy dice, but the manly outline of testicles.

If they mess with you, tell them you know someone named Gordon Van Gelder.
I wouldn't mind a sheela-na-gog either.
I saw a pair of these on a truck last year, the "scrotum" had faded to a rather jaundiced looking yellow. I wanted to follow them, and tell them the kindest thing to do would be to get the truck "fixed" as something was definately wrong.


You know the best pick-ups look feminine. They have hips and everything. I adore pick-ups.

2 questions



Where do they mount them?

Re: 2 questions

Under the, er.

Trailer hitch.

Re: 2 questions

I guess that's reasonable enough for that question but ... why?

Re: 2 questions

macho insecurity, or the delusion that it's funny.

Re: 2 questions

Sounds more Freudian than a really big cigar.

Re: 2 questions

it's funny

Well, it *is*, but in the "laughing at you" sense, not the "with you" sense.
I've seen them once -- and my first thought was, I've castrated bulls with bigger testicles. With my bare hands*.

Somehow, I don't think that's what the driver intended for his, er, equipment to do.

On the subject of bosoms for cars, I've always thought that the car bras made it look like they had 'em.

*OK, and a special tool. In Canada, they call it "pinching" the bull. ;-)
Have 'em in Oklahoma.
I'm always hopeful my mother is not noticing. She's helpfully oblivious that way, so I think I don't have to squirm.
Oh, I like the product. I LOVE this product. This is motherfucking hilarious.

I'll bet they WOULD make a set of bosoms for your Honda.
I'd like some fuzzy labia. Think they could do that?
Maybe with a little yonic pearl....

Would you put them around the tailpipe? Or the, er, muffler?
Actually, I think they would be a trailer hitch cover.

The first time I saw the balls, they were home-made--a pair of tennis balls in a nylon stocking. I thought it was amusing. Producing them--not so much.

I guess I could home-make my cunty trailer hitch covers. Cut an incision alon a tennis ball, spray paint it peach, and glue a little brown fur along either side of the slit. Call'em Coozies.

You should do them in a variety of colors, really
The peach ones would be mine. I'd make sure I would have a wide variety of spray paints--and fur--when I start taking individual orders. Tiger-stripe snatch, anyone?
I'm now way too tempted to put these on my wheelchair. Or get several and sneakily attach them to other people's cars, like the mayor or the governor, and then alert the press and the rabid feminists.

Or persuade my local kinksters to adopt the trend, but with spiky cockrings and other distressing accessories. Piercings!

...actually, I'm seriously tempted to get several and claim they're my exes. "These are for all the people I ran over for being dickheads. I had them bronzed!" I could make a trophy belt. The Klingons already adopted me...

There's got to be a seriously NSFW convention costume in this. Or a Folsom Street Fair costume. Hmmm.....