it's a great life, if you don't weaken (matociquala) wrote,
it's a great life, if you don't weaken
matociquala
  • Mood: creative
  • Music: Depeche Mode - Waiting for the Night

and even though it all went wrong, i'll stand before the lord of song

More revising, or, it really is all about the goddamned verbs, and the nouns also. Specific and unexpected is better than general and cliche:


First version:

Three strong men could not have lifted it, but you handled the weight with ease. 


Final version:

Three strong men could not have lifted it, but you bore the inconvenience with disdain.


A useful trick is to look for words with implications. Inconvenience here is better than weight because weight implies heaviness. Inconvenience implies insignificance.
Tags: writing craft wank
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  • (no subject)

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