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bear by san

March 2017



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problem cat

Cat V. Monkey: The Wreckoning

Monkey, what are you doing?
Monkey: Making you a bed by lining this wonderful cardboard box with the fleece that the long-haired monkey brought you.
Cat: Ooo. The long-haired monkey. She spoils me treats me with the dignity my royal rank deserves.
Monkey: Well, here. Now you have a box. With a nice fleece in it. And I am going to put all your toys in it, so they have a place to live that isn't, you know, in my shoes, or under my pillows, or tucked into bed beside me....
Cat: You're housecleaning. Nesting monkeys make me suspicious.
Monkey: I'm making my bed.
Cat: Is a made bed like a made guy?
Monkey: Grandma let you watch The Sopranos again, didn't she? Wow, there are a lot of glitterballs in this house. How come you've pulled all the glitter out of just the green ones?
Cat: Ooo! Throw that one!
Monkey: What if I throw the pink one? It still has glitter.
Cat: *studiously ignores pink glitterball* I like the green ones.
Monkey: ...aren't cats only supposed to have color vision on the red end of the spectrum? How can you possibly like the green ones when you can't see green?
Cat: The inadequacies of your primitive science are not my concern. Hey! What are you doing with My Glitterballs?
Monkey: I have to pick up your toys so I can sweep. The floor is crunchy.
Cat: No robot?
Monkey: It's too late for the robot. We have neighbors.
Cat: I remain unconvinced.
Monkey: Here. What happens when I put some catnip in the box with the toys?
Cat: Ooo. Box! Best box ever! Box!
Monkey: *snickers*


Cat: Monkey, what are you doing on the talking box? Are you talking to the cat that beeps again?
Monkey: I'm ordering you some new sheets and pillows And a new comforter. To replace our ten twelve year old ones, which we've had since before we got married, let alone divorced.
Cat: I remember married. It had those Other Cats. We were not amused.
Monkey: Yeah. The cats the ex liked, so he got to keep them.
Cat: Exactly. Hey! Was that a subtle, left-handed insult?
Monkey: Not exactly.
Cat: (Unplacated) Besides, you didn't have enough sheets when the other monkeys were here this summer.
Monkey: This is also true. Now we will have more sheets.
Cat: But the best ones are still for me, aren't they?
Monkey: Considering that you usually sleep on my hair, I think we can assure that.
Cat: Wait a minute. Does extra sheets and pillows mean the other monkeys are coming back?
Monkey: Not immediately.
Cat: But eventually?
Monkey: Possibly.
Cat: Does this mean the long-haired monkey is coming back?
Monkey: Possibly.
Cat: And the red monkey?
Monkey: ...possibly.
Cat: ...and the yellow monkey?
Monkey: The one whose hair you slept on? I bet she'd rather come back if she knows she'll be able to lift her head off the pillow in the morning.
Cat: That wasn't a denial.
Monkey: ...it's possible. She might bring a squirt gun next time, though.
Cat: I don't believe you. You are a cruel and mocking Monkey.
Monkey: Pretty much learned it at home, yep.
Cat: Four monkeys. Four! Monkeys! With that many servants, my place in Ulthar is assured!
Monkey: ...excuse me?
Cat: Oh, um, nothing. What's the best way to suffocate a monkey, again? I'm thinking of, uh, writing a story. Yeah. Hey, have you ever heard of a made cat?


Your hair isn't long enough to interest her.

She totally pinned Sarah to the pillow, though. Like a grade-school bully.
It's funny because it's true.

See, now you can attest that these dialogues are directly from life. *g* The only art applied is that of the translator.
Best Box Ever!

Yeti is a silver tabby Maine Coon, which means that he has a frizzy undercoat with very fine hairs. One house guest woke up one morning and couldn’t open one eye; after a bit of severe worry, she figured out that one of Yeti’s hairs had entangled itself in her eyelashes. He’s a talented creature.
Yayyyyy!!! Return of Cat vs. Monkey! It's been way too long.
I had images playing in my head while reading this. It would make a great comic!


Drawn by Sharon Garrity...
That was, sniff, beautiful.
Cat V. Monkey!

(Need more of these, one per morning if possible. Figure out some way to get paid...)
Neither the cat nor I can be funny o na daily basis, I'm afraid. *g*
Good morning, Cat V. Monkey!

It is a good day indeed, when this is the first thing I read.
As any self-respecting cat will tell you, being, each and every one of them, living incarnations of Bastet, they are not merely royal but divine. This is why they demand worship.
"Made cat."

Oh, the poor beleaguered cat. :D So much at the whim of those of us with thumbs...

Edited at 2008-08-08 06:13 pm (UTC)
Today's 9 Chickweed Lane describes a similar interaction between another Cat and her Monkey: