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bear by san

March 2017



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bad girls  mae west

You know how some people complain their household pets aren't particularly interactive? I never seem to have that problem.

I have handed the Presumptuous Cat a terrifying new weapon in her quest for world domination. Now, when she wants to wake me in the middle of the night, she can come and stand on my healing tattoo. Thanks, Cat. That's a little uncomfortable.

I wonder if cats have conferences and hold studies about what bit of the monkey to stand on for best effect.


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You know how some people complain their household pets aren't particularly interactive? I never seem to have that problem.

Yah, I don't have that problem, either. Ista has not mistaken herself for a goldfish, and I don't think she ever will. But it's a lot more comfortable to have the dog upstairs going, "Uff. UFF!" to try to convince your party guests that, "Hello, monkeys, almost midnight, time to GO HOME," than standing on a bit that's been repeatedly needled.
These are MY MONKEYS now, and it is MY BEDTIME.

I can see it now. Cat conference on twoleg torture, Maine January 3rd to 7th, with program items like "comparative study of nose-in-armpit on three twolegs", "tattoos, only for standing on or worthy of claw insertion?" and "wetfood or dryfood? a study into cost and inconveniece".
That's the neutronium factor Bear keeps mentioning.

I want to know why my cat suddenly seems to weigh 10x more when she stands on my boobs. I think she can increase her density on demand.
Cats are the only creature that can weigh more than their mass should physically allow. They are also the one creatures to have figured out just how stupid humans really are.
voodoo trials. we are all part of their test-subject plan, which is only a smaller part of the larger conspiracy. my kitten was fascinated with small tie-straps for months. i'm sure his part in the conspiracy features them. the old man has perfected his study of the most effective pressure points on my chest with regard to his own small feet and weight, and I'm fairly certain that he's not just *holding my hand* whilst i type, but making a very close study of the keyboard/infowebz--and honing his jedi-mind chicanery...
"From Bladder to Boobs: A Traveler's Comparison of Monkey Noises."

And this is why my cat stays on the other side of the bedroom door. I can ignore the yowling a lot more easily than the neutronium paws on my face and other bits.
Thing is, cats don't need to go to conferences. They beam their information to each other, so that all cats soon know that - for example- standing on a healing tattoo is guaranteed to wake a sleeping monkey.

That said, when my late brother had knee problems (he was a hemophiliac and knee bleeds were VERY common) our kitty would go lie on my brother's bed. He'd lie beside him and purr, and my brother said it made the pain go away so he could sleep.
I am so very much metaquoting this. o.o

Edited at 2008-11-02 01:14 pm (UTC)
Mafdet is persistently attentive to my crotch, which is a target-rich environment -- full bladder, or wedding tackle, take your pick -- but spends a fair bit of effort purring and trying to get face time (with which to sneeze at me).
But at least cats, unlike beagle puppies, generally go not deliver a nasal lavage with their tongue.
The new favourite toy at my place is the large, empty cat litter box. It's the kind with a flap, and is perfect for sticking paws in and also for bouncing around the apartment.

Fool that I am, I put a small plastic thingie in it, and now it's Even Now More Much Funner With The Noise Making & Waking.

(Not really on topic, but I can make it fit.)
Oh, I think cats just work it out on a case-by-case basis, carefully tallying their own experiments (boobs? check. eyeballs? check. arm? not so much--avoid in future.)
My cats are fond of standing on my bladder, and sitting on my forehead. Occasionally they even co-ordinate and Skif stands on my bladder at the same time that Ender sits on my forehead.
Oh god, that is something I had never considered in pondering the various ink I would like when I can even remotely afford it. *takes notes*

Our cats are the clingiest cats in the known world. We thought we had the clingiest cats possible, then we got a new kitten, who turned out to be clingier still. And who really likes boobs. Ow, cat.
I wonder if cats have conferences and hold studies about what bit of the monkey to stand on for best effect.

It's distinctly possible. Mine likes to be fed at 3:30am. He'll get up on my pillow and either swat me on the head with a paw or stick his cold, wet nose in my ear and meow. Loudly. Occasionally he'll just sit on the bed and meow non-stop. He can do any of the above for hours. It got so we'd get more sleep if we just got up and fed him, then went back to bed.

Our cats also follow us around the house all day and talk to us. They're plenty interactive, too.
I'm sure they do. They hold psychic conferences. That's why Spanky can't resist standing on my messed up shoulder.
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