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bear by san

March 2017



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oh, i'd like a cup of black coffee and a piece of sweet cake

Girl vs. Wall: qualified success. I got two moves higher on my project wall, a 5.7+, and if I can make it one more move, I will send it. I lost my feet and burned out my forearms getting them back, and then my hands were sweaty on a really slick knobby side pull and it was all over. I tried another 5.7+ but couldn't get on it, and then I worked on the last unsent 5.7 around, and I think I have the physical capability to send it, but the psychology is eluding me. It's on a crack, which is unfamiliar, and there us a lot of backstepping and laybacks and trusting your feet on opposition. And basically I just couldn't make myself step off the footholds onto the layback and do it.

After that, I went and did a 5.6 I've done before (Let's be honest, it's a 5.7 rated down: anything with four bitchy slopers in a row is not a 5.6) and a 5.5 that's strengthy but not difficult.

And I felt good afterwards, not wiped out. I got pumped on the first and third walls, but recovered fast and had enough bottom left to have done acouple more.

We have established categories of challenge. "Hard," "Difficult," and "Complicated."

Hard means physically hard, difficult means technical, and complicated means thinky.

Anyway, good night.  Good night.


I like your brain. You keep giving me words for things I know in the back of my head.
I live to serve.
Pull the other one, it has got bells on. ;-)
Hee. Soon you can be the latest Internet friend who took up climbing after I did and has gotten good enough to kick my ass! (Congrats!)

Also, ew, pneumonia. 0.0
Just wanted to mention that you're an inspiration

I think we need to start a club.

That, or Bear ought to investigate sponsorship opportunities with climbing gear companies. The number of people she's got into climbing should merit some free shoes at least *g*.
It's on a crack, which is unfamiliar

Ooh, you have a gym with a crack? *is jealous*

anything with four bitchy slopers in a row is not a 5.6

I'm definitely getting the impression that your route-setters like to sandbag people (or that mine are softies ...).

And basically I just couldn't make myself step off the footholds onto the layback and do it.

This is one of the things I love (for values of "love" which include "hate at the time") about climbing. There's always that edge, and each time I have to evaluate what the risk feels like, and whether I can manage it or not.

And it's felt like progress for me on the occasions when I manage to take that step, and on the occasions when I decide that right now I'm too scared to make the decision.
It makes me wish I were braver. My body is so freaked out about falling. We're working on that, but it isn't easy. (Hey, meat, that's why we have the rope.)

(It's even more freaked out about bouldering. La.)

My route-setters are all a bunch of fairly hardcore outdoor climbers, and they do, indeed, like to sandbag people. Or at the very least, my gym rates harder than any other gym I've ever been to.
It's even more freaked out about bouldering.

That's one major reason why I do it (err, because I'm freaked out by it, not because you're freaked out by it). I posted a bit about that here.

I have fairly severe anxiety issues, and I sort of figured that if my brain was going to make me be terrified anyway, I might as well do something to merit it -- I could stay at home and be terrified, or I could go and hang off walls and be terrified *g*.

And ironically, it's turning out to be very therapeutic for me, because of all the fear-management it involves (and how simple and clear-cut the fear is); I'm sometimes scared when I climb, but never anxious. Which for me is a merciful relief.

(N.B.: this is not in any way intended as unsolicited LJ advice or reflection on your freakage, which is not the same as my freakage and unlikely to respond to the same things; just me thinking out loud about my peculiar set of wonky brain issues and how this is playing out for me.)
Nah, it just reinforces for me how much I suck, for not doing a better job getting past my freakage when others do a much better job of it.

More power to you.
Noooo you do not suck.

*makes hands of flail*

As stated, my brain issues are highly idiosyncratic (I have pieces of paper to prove it), so what I can or can't do is no reflection on anyone else. My freakage =/= your freakage.

I'd love to be able to discuss this without inadvertently making you feel you suck, because: no! I protest! I do not wish to make one of my favourite writers think she sucks!

And I'm trying not to get into competitive self-deprecation, because I could retaliate by pointing out that you get much much higher above the ground than I do, and also that you probably don't develop idiotic OCD-flavoured panics about your own front door, and then we'd be here all day *g*.

Really, I'd much rather discuss the climbing, because it's so interesting, and you're one of the few people I know who's talking about the psychology of it.
Fair enough. *g*

I am like the worst climber evar, which makes me very aware of how much I suck, but I'm trying very hard not to get down on myself about it.
Oh! And my gym has not one but two cracks--a big vertical jam crack, and a little sideways finger crack. Fun!
Niiiice. That's pretty much unheard of for UK gyms, I think.
I love these posts about your climbing. I am not a climber and the terminology is strange to me. Once I read resent as in, I think, finishing a climb, as resent as in the negative emotion, and had to reread the sentence a few times to get it :) I find it fascinating trying to discern what is really happening. Then of course, there is a vicarious thrill in imagining that I could do it, tinged with regret that I never did when I was more physically able. So thank you.