[14:06] matociquala: Can I get a suck check on the flap copy?
[14:06] stillsostrange: sure
[14:06] matociquala: +++
[14:06] matociquala: Dark magic is afoot in the City of Jackals.
[14:06] matociquala: Eighty years Bijou the Artificer has been a Wizard of Messaline, building her servants from bone and metal and jewels, living with the memory of a great love that betrayed her. She is ready to rest.
[14:06] matociquala: But now her former apprentice, Brazen the Enchanter, has brought her a speechless feral child poisoned by a sorcerous infection. Now, Messaline is swept by a mysterious plague. Now the seeping corpses of the dead stalk the City of Jackals.
[14:06] matociquala: Now, finally, Bijou's old nemesis--Bijou's old love--Kaulas, the Necromancer, is unveiling his plans.
[14:06] matociquala: --30--
[14:06] matociquala: I think it needs a kicker line.
[14:07] matociquala: but I got nothing.
[14:09] stillnotbored: my mind jumps to something about her rest having to wait
[14:09] matociquala: I thought so maybe too, but everything I came up with sounded dumb.
[14:10] katallen: maybe something with the title involved in it?
[14:11] matociquala: If I take out the bit about her servants above, maybe.
[14:11] leahbobet: I'd go with something agentive.
[14:11] leahbobet: The necromancer is unveiling his plans, so what're they going to do?
[14:11] matociquala: Yeah, Leah, I think--
[14:11] leahbobet: End on action.
[14:11] matociquala: That's a good angle.
[14:11] matociquala: Hurmity
[14:12] matociquala: Bijou and her creatures must/are something something
[14:12] leahbobet: (Now, faced with the truth of her unappetizing smell, Leah must shower -- or perish.)
[14:13] katallen: Only Bijou and her bone and jewel creatures can keep Leah smelly
[14:15] matociquala: And only Bijou and her creatures wrought of bone and stone and metal can save the City of Jackals from a terrible half-death.
[14:15] matociquala: You know, this makes me want to write a zombie utopia.
[14:15] matociquala: where the zombie apocalypse happened and now everybody is happy.
[14:15] stillnotbored: that line works, Bear
[14:15] matociquala: Nobody worries about their looks.
[14:16] matociquala: Nobody has to go to a job they hate.
[14:16] matociquala: Nobody has to eat brussels sprouts.
[14:16] matociquala: Or pay taxes.
[14:16] stillnotbored: or rent
[14:16] matociquala: Nobody's feet are ever cold (because they have fallen off).
...and they ask where we get our ideas....