AUGUST 31, 2009
Meat, are you building muscle again? Because we're heavier but our jeans still fit, and all you want is to eat protein, exercise, and sleep.
It is management's conclusion that these protocols are counterproductive. Our tendons will thank you for using up some of our famine reserves, rather than building additional muscle in order to haul said reserves up walls.
We have been unable to ascertain how you are managing to maintain them while we're feeding you 66% of what you need to support this activity level, but management has long since come to the understanding that you are an extraordinary machine and you scoff at the laws of thermodynamics. However, preliminary indications are that this is somehow contributing to the heat death of the universe, and that sort of thing never ends well.
In the future, please reduce the famine reserves rather than increasing the hauling capacity.
Our feet are cold. Stop lecturing and go find a blanket so we can have a nap.