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atc

if only there were something between us other than our clothes

FROM: BRAIN
TO: MEAT
AUGUST 31, 2009
SUBJECT: THERMODYNAMICS

Dear Meat:

Meat, are you building muscle again? Because we're heavier but our jeans still fit, and all you want is to eat protein, exercise, and sleep. 

It is management's conclusion that these protocols are counterproductive. Our tendons will thank you for using up some of our famine reserves, rather than building additional muscle in order to haul said reserves up walls. 

We have been unable to ascertain how you are managing to maintain them while we're feeding you 66% of what you need to support this activity level, but management has long since come to the understanding that you are an extraordinary machine and you scoff at the laws of thermodynamics. However, preliminary indications are that this is somehow contributing to the heat death of the universe, and that sort of thing never ends well.

In the future, please reduce the famine reserves rather than increasing the hauling capacity.

Sincerely,
Your Brain


***

Dear Brain:

Our feet are cold. Stop lecturing and go find a blanket so we can have a nap.

XX00XX

Your Meat

Comments

LOL!

If only it worked that way.
Memos never get any results....
Yep, I've noticed the same thing. It's good that I'm building muscle, but a little irksome that at least a little weight hasn't fallen by the wayside as well. I wasn't really in it for the weight loss, but a wee bit would be nice!
Just another little shred of proof that the "laws of thermodynamics" are not exactly laws of nature and our bodies will do as they please anyway.
Heh. Meat gets my vote: succinct and apposite.

Me, I'm with Chesterton on this whole exercise notion. His doctor told him that he was too fat, and should take up walking as a healthful activity. So he ordered a whole walking-suit from his tailor, and a new walking-stick, new hat, new boots, the entire kit and caboodle. And set forth one fine-weather morning - and made it about a hundred yards down the street, whereupon he paused, and beckoned. And his chauffeur, who had been trailing him all that way, drew up by the kerb, Chesterton got in and was driven home and that was that...
if I didn't exercise, I'd suicide. So, you know. It works out okay for me.
Ah, right. Yup. I can see that.
...I must giggle at this.

And wonder why whilst your meat will kiss you, you won't kiss your meat :P
This is probably a dumb question, but if your volume displacement is shrinking and your hauling capacity is rising, why would it matter if your mass is increasing?
If you think about it for a minute, I'm pretty sure you will figure it out--but the short form is, the easiest way to climb better is to lose five pounds. And the easiest way to climb a grade better is to lose about twenty.

This is also the easiest way to run better.

Since I have forty or sixty pounds I'm not using for anything except slowing me down, damaging my tendons and cartilage, making me overheat, giving me back pain, straining my muscles,fucking up my balance, and stressing my cardiovascular system, I'd really like to get rid of some of it.
Oh, duh, I should have known that. Clearly it has been too long since I've been attempting athletic things. Also, more caffeine before I try to talk to anyone else today...
;-)
*g*

Keeps me off prozac and out of the mental wards. (I'm one of the people for whom exercise is the most effective antidepressant.)

Also, it's nice to be able to run up a hill.
...and that sort of thing never ends well.

Ha! Metabolism; the Meat rules.
This made me chuckle in Meatspace.

Lee.
More muscle is a great thing when it comes to lifting, pushing, and pulling heavy weights; it's not so great when the weight you're lifting is yourself.

Sometimes it's a shame thermodynamics doesn't work at all straightforwardly when it comes to living bodies. :/
Mmmmm, nap.

Blanket? Check.
Pillow? Check.
Cats? Check.

Houston, we are go for nap.
Nap on!
Roger that . . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzz
I got a dogsnuggle nap. High therapeutic value!
And warm for cold feets!
I just want to point out that 200 years ago gaining muscle while maintaining fat stores while eating 2/3 of the calories you should be would have been a goddamned super power. Which doesn't make it any less annoying today, of course.
Good Ukrainian metabolism. It rocks hoarding. *g*
I was smiling and nodding in agreement until I read Meat's response. Then I laughed and damn near snorted ice out my nose, which dislodged the cat, who set claws to avoid dislodgement, thus puncturing my meat, which is now displeased (but can get over itself).
Yeah, it's a snarky meat. :-P