it's a great life, if you don't weaken (matociquala) wrote,
it's a great life, if you don't weaken

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and i don't mind dying but for the love of you

Complaint Department: I shall nap in this sunbeam, and all shall be well.
Monkey: *sneaks*
Complaint Department: Fear! Fire! Foes! Sherpa Bag! MURDER! MURDER MOST FOUL!
Monkey: Sorry about that, but it's Rabies Shot Time. Also, we're going to have a little talk with that nice Dr. Pomper about cats who are inconsistent about using the litterbox.
Complaint Department: You wouldn't dare.
Monkey: Try me.
Complaint Department: It's a recognized form of social protest.
Monkey: And this is why the Soviets instituted Gulags. Come on, into the car.
Complaint Department: *complains*
Monkey: *drives*
Complaint Department: *complains*
Monkey: *parks*
Complaint Department: *complains*
Reception Monkey: My, she's certainly a vocal one.
Monkey: We call her the Complaint Department around the house. She has a complaint.
Complaint Department: *sings arias of complaint*
Reception Monkey: I can see that.
Complaint Department: You can see how I'm being treated! And now I'm LOCKED IN A BOX in a ROOM with DOGS and OTHER CATS. Don't you know who I am?!
Monkey: They have your chart. I'm sure they do.
Reception Monkey: Complaint Department, room 3. The nice Dr. Pomper will see you now.
Monkey: There, see? All safe and quiet now. Would you like to come out of that box?
Complaint Department: *emerges hesitantly*
Complaint Department: I smell dogs.
Monkey: So do I.
That Nice Dr. Pomper: So what do we have here today? Rabies vaccination and checkup?
Monkey: Yes please. Also, we have this little... social issue.
Complaint Department: Oh, no, you don't.
That Nice Dr. Pomper: Peeing outside the litterbox, are we? How old is she?
Monkey: Fourteen or fifteen. She's a rescue: we can't be sure. But old enough that I'm concerned about diabetes and liver function. As well as, you know. Evil.
Complaint Department: I can't believe you're discussing my medical details with a total stranger.
Monkey: He's your vet. And I'm going to go home and tell the Internet, anyway.
That Nice Dr. Pomper: Well, I agree with your diagnosis of evil, but that's not acute; it's chronic. Well, we'll take some blood and a urine, and if that's all clear, we'll figure out what to do about the behavioral issues.
Monkey: Already tried moving the litterbox, moving her food to where she was peeing, adding another litterbox, making sure she had quiet time away from the other animals, excluding her from the room she was peeing in--
That Nice Dr. Pomper: Well, there's always valium. It works very well in stubborn cases.
Monkey: Hear that, CD? Kitty Prozac is on the horizon if you don't shape up.
Complaint Department: 0.0
That Nice Dr. Pomper: Right. Just going to shave her throat and draw some blood here--
Complaint Department: 0.0 0.o
That Nice Dr. Pomper: Oh good, I can palpate some pee in there. And now we'll take a sterile urine sample with a hypodermic--
Complaint Department: !!!!!
Monkey: She will bite.
That Nice Dr. Pomper: So would I. There, that wasn't so bad, was it?
Complaint Department: I hate you all.
Monkey: You did this to yourself. I tried to warn you.
That Nice Dr. Pomper: Results should be back in a couple of days! See you outside!
Complaint Department: I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here!
Tags: cat vs. monkey, presumptuous cat

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