I just "Needles" back to the editor.
I'm still not sure I have it working as it should. But over the course of the past week, I've been throwing myself beseechingly before some glorious and talented writers, begging assistance, and I have it working as well as I can.
I hope it's enough. I really don't want this to be one of the near misses, because I like this story, and it's important to me. It's about monsters, you see, and how sometimes horrible things are just horrible things.
And the problem I've been having with it all along is that it's almost there. But it was almost there in the same sense as Mark Twain's almost-right word: the difference was as between the lightning bug and the lightning.
Regardless, I have done everything within my power to it, now.
We'll see if it worked.