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bear by san

March 2017



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writing sf starwars wookiee stet

sitting down town in a railway station...

I just sent the final corrections off the page proofs on The Sea Thy Mistress back to Tor, by the way.

In case you were wondering, the email looked like this:

Here's what needs fixed....

Page 13, line 11: please change "The baby stopped crying. He blinked..." to "The baby blinked..."
Page 15, line 19: please change "help him" to "assist"
Page 70, line 2: please change "braid back out" to "braid out"
Page 73, lines 15-16: please change "rapidly becoming overgrown" to "having become overgrown"
Page 77, line20: please change "I followed you." to "I followed thee."
Page 120, line 11: please change "it must have just been" to "it must have been"
Page 121, line 11: please change "needed doing in the world" to "needed doing"
Page 123, line 2: please change "Her eyes" to "The mare's eyes"
Page 126, lines 2-3: please change, "And though he still spoke to her sometimes, he'd also never once so much as dipped his hand in the ocean." to "And though he still spoke to the ocean sometimes, he'd also never once so much as dipped his hand in her."
Page 129, line 5: please change "flavored" to "tainted"
Page 136, lines 4-5: please delete "Something about"
Page 171, line 23: please change "shifts in his wrist" to "shifts in the wolf's wrist"
Page 172, line 16: please change "after the wolf had the wolf not glanced back" to "after the wolf did the wolf not glance back"
Page 187, line 18: please change "yellow" to "mottles"
Page 256, lines 27-28: please delete "unconsciously"
Page 287, line 10: please change "ended" to "a dead"
Page 294, line 2: please change "fended her off" to "fended her away"
Page 301, line 4: please change "was waiting" to "waited"
Page 301, line 5: please change "was open" to "stood open"
Page 328, line 20: please change "falls" to "fell"
Page 328, line 21: please change "has" to "had"
Page 328, line 26: please change "burns" to "burned"
Page 331, line 10: please delete "somehow"

Axiom: There is always one more goddamn "Somehow."


Finish "Confessor" (June 30)
Revise Grail  (July 15)
Review Ship Breaker
Review Gun, With Occasional Music

Well, I guess I know what my priority is.


it was
of course

Edited at 2010-06-24 05:43 am (UTC)
on occasion.

Gah, page proofs. I always have this voice telling me it really won't make a difference to the book's success or failure, whether I delete that "somehow" or change "flavored" to "tainted," but I can never quite bring myself to actually say "screw it, this doesn't matter."
It makes that particular sentence better, which is all I can do at that point....
The line about the sea is beautiful.
Thank you.

The good news is, the book is better than I remembered it being. It's definitely more in my old style (Transitions? REAL MEN MOCK THOSE!) full of quick cuts and short scenes arranged like a mosaic.

Hopefully this will not throw off too many people.

At least I think the narrative throughline is finally clear, and boy is there a lot of sex in this thing.
They're like those damn nods and smiles. And the eyebrows.
I spend my entire writing career trying to find new ways to express the speaking glance.
126 and 294 emphatically don't need changing. The suggested change for 126 is semi-pornographic. Re 294, the vernacular idiom is fend off, not fend away. Do they have non-native speakers working there?
Just wanted to agree totally with what you said.

The rhythm of the suggested change for 126 is off and nowhere near as lyrical as the original. Admittedly I'm a British English speaker, so possibly "fend away" is OK in US English, but I would say either "fend off" or "push away".
Actually, I *loved* the new version for 126!
It's meant to be, and yes, both need changing, due to issues of pronoun referent or repetition. *g*

You can never tell such things unless you see it in context.

(Also, "fend away" is perfectly grammatical usage, and part of the onus on the writer is to avoid second-order cliches where possible. A second-order cliche is a phrasing so common it goes unheard.)
When I see this, I keep getting a yearning for Fuller's Honey Dew. Mmm, Fuller's Honey Dew.
My editor at Carina Press called me out on "as structured sentences" (Joe combed his hair even as the world burned) and using "and then" too much.
I actually love that an editor, or anyone really, is paying attention to this stuff. That does make it all the more incomprehensible how some errors do make it into print, though.
You never see all the ones that don't.

Trust me, if you were on the inside, you would be amazed at how clean the final copy is.