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bear by san

March 2017

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writing headbang

the sound of the piper counts for everything

So since I appear to be insomnia girl tonight (the difference between mania and insomnia is that I'm yawning) I thought I would see if I could get my words, since working makes me sleepy.

And I just spent five minutes doing this:

When word of the fall of Qarash reached Tsarepheth, the Once-Princess Samarkar did not at once hear of it.
When word of the fall of Qarash reached Tsarepheth, the Once-Princess Samarkar did not hear of it.

When at first word of the fall of Qarash reached Tsarepheth, the Once-Princess Samarkar did not immediately hear of it.
When first word of the fall of Qarash reached Tsarepheth, the Once-Princess Samarkar did not hear of it.
When at first word of the fall of Qarash reached Tsarepheth, the Once-Princess Samarkar did not hear of it.
When word of the fall of Qarash at first reached Tsarepheth, the Once-Princess Samarkar did not hear of it.

When word of the fall of Qarash first reached Tsarepheth, the Once-Princess Samarkar did not hear of it.

All this for a sentence I may someday cut anyway.

Writing is hard. Let's do math.

Comments

where the mountain men are kings...

...There`s a house on the hillside, where the drifting sands are born.
Lay down and let the slow tide wash me back to the land where I came from...

Was thinking of you today as I browsed through PNW Native artworks. Saw a mask by Randy Stiglitz of Bear Mother that was particularly fine but was not allowed to photograph it. So I was wandering about the internets also not sleeping but thinking about bears, seas, canoes, and Jethro Tull. So naturally...
I think I'll try for sleep now and perchance to dream.
http://www.mnh.si.edu/ARCTIC/features/croads/amask3.html

Once upon a time you asked, "who looks out for you?"
At the time, I was too busy looking out for others.
But now, the answer is. Me.
Anon

Re: where the mountain men are kings...

Aw.

Writing is hard...

Math is easy. There's an answer, if you can just find it. Writing, not so much. But I have to say, the end result can be a lovely thing. (Ok, all my mathematician friends are going to pillory me now...)

Just out of curiousity, you don't do this with *every* sentence do you? I'm imagining that your ear pricks up at some sentences, and then they get this sort of treatment. If you did it with every sentence, you couldn't possibly write as much as you do. Right ?

Re: Writing is hard...

It's pretty much all of them. Which is why it takes me three hours to write a thousand words sometimes.

And they get several drafts, too.

ETA: and that's the problem--there is no right answer, but there are wrong ones.

Edited at 2010-08-06 02:28 pm (UTC)
Mine too....
Did Qarash fall in the woods, by any chance?
One the Steppes. Where the rain in Spain mainly does not go....
As always, I like the evolution of that sentence.

(Also extremely fond of the many repurposings of that Barbie quote. Because the original was so toxic, and the inversions of it are so much better.)
Hey there. Yeah: mrissa reminded me of it, and I've been quoting her for two days.

She makes me laugh.

And you know, stupid sentence. It's not like the fiddling is complicated. But it takes endless fiddling to get it right.
She's a very quotable mrissa, I find.

Definitely hear you on the endless fiddling. Information density is our friend. And yet so tricky to balance with euphony and other relevant qualities.
And white space. Because readers need to breathe.
Writing it IS worrying about how it sounds!!!