it's a great life, if you don't weaken (matociquala) wrote,
it's a great life, if you don't weaken

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I am so unhappy with everything I'm writing on Stratford Man right now, and so unhappy with everything I still have to write--the book has pretty much packed itself up and left my head, and every word I write on the damned thing feels like going into work the Friday after Thanksgiving, and I'm not excited about it or interested in it any more, and I can't even tell myself I have to get it done for a deadline because Jenn and I are pretty much agreed that it's not salable at this point in my career anyway, and I think all my ideas are stupid, and the long-awaited climax is anticlimactic, and it's all shit.

And I've been writing at it anyway for the last two months, despite this feeling. I dunno. I just can't see why anybody would care, which is not the attitude to take into a book, or nobody will care.

It's stupid and I hate it and it's getting stupider with every word I write. And I swear, if the goddamned guilt monkey would leave me alone, I would just shove the fucking thing in a drawer and not look at it until I get my rewrites done for Bridge and Scardown.

I want to work on a project I don't hate with a passion for a while, I think.

Although I am vaguely less pissed off at the universe for having had a good loud shriek. So perhaps I'll go see about this next damned scene.
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