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bear by san

March 2017



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cat and mouse

Cat V. Monkey: Weekend Edition

Complaint Department: Are you up? Because the food in my bowl has been there since last night. It might be poison.
Monkey: I'm allegedly working.
Complaint Department: You should get up and give me new food.
Monkey: You could come back to bed and snuggle.
Complaint Department: What if I sit on the book case beside the bed (my bed, which I generously allow you to use) and practice walking across your shoulders? 
Monkey: If you put your claws in my soft milky-white flesh, I will scream. And that will be stressful for both of us.
Complaint Department: You should get up. If you get up (and give me new food) you can do yoga and start the bread. Mmmm, bread.
Monkey: Mmmm, brea-- Hey. I saw what you did there.
Complaint Department: What if I put my paws on your arm adorably?
Monkey: If you put your claws in my soft milky-white flesh...
Complaint Department: Yeah, yeah. Scream, stressful. It's after 8. Get up.You're not working, you're reading news from Japan.
Monkey: They have cats in Japan.
Complaint Department: Was that a threat? Because it was a lame one.
Monkey: Like the bit with your paws on my arm?
Complaint Department: That one wasn't empty. *stares*
Monkey: *uneasy*
Complaint Department: *stares*
Monkey: "All right, all right, I'm up. I should do yoga anyway."
Complaint Department: *purrs*


The adorable paws with the nasty sharp claws waiting move! I know that one well. Two of my three cats use it frequently.
At least the adorable manipulation is not all about the food?
Funnily enough, our cat wakes my wife, not me. Most days, though, it is I who provide her with breakfast. Cat logic escapes me.
Spanky adorably sits on my shoulder in the morning. Or my head. There are no claws. There's just the fear of cat butt on my face.
the food in my bowl has been there since last night. It might be poison.

Ah, mine is not the only cat who believes in this mysterious transformation!
We finally gave in and let the vet clip the claws of both the upstairs cats last week. They were furious and indignant, spitting and hissing and cussing. Shots, fine; drawing blood, glares but okay, fine; poking and prodding, fine. Blunting weapons? NOT FINE.

You are living with The Essence of Cat.

Mine likes to wake me up at 2 a.m. He doesn't want food... just to put a few claws in my toes until I let him out.
Every morning, one of my Elder Cats threatens to bite or claw me.

Every morning, I tell him that if he does this I will whump him.

And every morning, once I say this he starts to PURRRR!!!!