July 27th, 2006

bear by san

(no subject)

ladies and gentlemen, please welcome fantasist davidkeck to the halcyon pages of livejournal.

Be nice to him; not only is he talented and charming, he's married to my editor. *g*
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bear by san

life is sweet on the edge of a razor

Things to remember about life, and publishing: The Ghetto Is Not The Whole World. I know a few people in romance and comics and mystery and so forth, and the way they do stuff over there--the culture and the business practices--are not the way we do stuff over here.

This revelation applies to life, as well.

***

For the last couple of days, we've been working on cover copy. Or, more specifically, Liz sent me the copy department's proposed cover copy for Whiskey & Water, and the two of us have been tarting it up a little bit, and making it more specific--in an attempt to help the book better find its audience.

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Anyway, here's the final copy we came up with--which is, of course, still a draft and still subject to change!

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...hope somebody finds that useful. Or entertaining.
bear by san

This is not about you.

Bleh, I have con crud. And so I ponder.

And what I ponder today is self-judgment, and impostor syndrome. And how they afflict me.

Specifically, I suffer from both, sort of chronically. I'm finally starting to feel like a Real Writer some of the time. It's been what, three years since I sold my first novel? And yet I still have to remind myself, hey, I kind of know what I am doing here. *g* And then I get to go be the New Kid on panels with grrm. Where I am little and lost and squeaky behind the ears.

And I think I'm not alone in this. Sometimes, I hear from people, for example, who either love or hate the progress notes and the writing metrics in this blog. The ones who hate it usually say that they feel like it's competitive, or bragging, or worrying too much about a false metric (wordcount). The ones who love it find it inspirational, or reassuring, or amusing. Especially when I have egg on my face.

And the thing is, I recognize this in myself, when I read something in somebody else's blog and have a strong emotional reaction. And I have to remind myself that what I am feeling is usually projected rather than implied.

When I post a wordcount, in other words, I'm not saying "I wrote more than you today." I'm not talking about anybody but myself. The reason I post them is twofold: first, because if *I* can't see somehow, objectively, that I am making progress on a novel, I slide into these fits of self-hatred and black despair that you wouldn't believe. Wordcount is a lousy metric. But it shuts up the monster in my head that is only happy when I'm overworked. The other reason I post them is for the people who care, and find them interesting.

...there is no judgement implied. Just as there's no judgment of me implied when a friend of mine posts about her 5K-a-day word habit, or gets, oh, a movie deal, or a seven-figure contract, or a NYT best-seller, or sub rights sold in fifty thousand countries, or a major award. That's not about me. It's about them. The only one holding me up to that lamp is me.

...and it's crazy, because I can't control that shit. And this is not a zero-sum game. And the only one I am hurting when I indulge in a fit of jealousy over somebody else's Amazon ranking is me. If she sells more than I do, if she writes faster than me, or better than me, that's okay too. He's got hardcover contracts and I'm selling mass market? All right then! Something to shoot for. Still not on the best seller lists? Still not pulling down those six-figure deals? Hollywood not beating a path to my door? Shucky darn.

Still not King? Well, it's good to have goals. My professional jealousy is just that. Jealousy. Or possibly envy: it's not that I don't want him to have it. It's that I want some, too. (Well, except for that guy over there. He gets nothing.)

Because it's not about me. The only person I am in competition with is myself. To quote truepenny, if I try to compete with everyone and their dog, all I am are going to drive myself stark barking mad.

Which is, of course, why sometimes I need to remind myself of that.
bear by san

(no subject)

All right. I bought the godzilla penis. Further comments as it ripens.

If it ripens.

Progress notes for 27 July 2006:

Revised: 114 pages of 404 
Deadline: August 1
Reason for stopping: Sick. Bed.

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
114 / 404
(28.2%)

This is a deceptive seeming of progress, because it's the last hundred pages that are actually hosed. In other words, this is the easy bit.

Stimulants:  green tea milkshake
Exercise: nose blowing
Mammalian assistance: Mebd sitting on my head, my leg, my keyboard....
Mail:

princejvstin offers a not terribly enthusiastic but generally positive review of B&I. The "I guess I sort of liked it"s are starting to filter in!

Jerry-rigging: Gonna have to figure out what to do with this cop.

Books in progress: Still working on the hambly. Or, more precisely, it's sitting in my backpack ignored.
the glamour!: My nose is dripping. :-P