November 21st, 2006

problem cat

an open letter

Dear cat:

While I appreciate that you are pleased with the service, gratuities are not necessary.

Love,
Bear



Dear upstairs neighbor:

While I appreciate that the structure of this building is such that one can hear a pin drop, do you think you could manage to drop a few less of them between the hours of 11 pm and 7 am?

Love,
Bear



Dear teenaged neighbor down the street:

If you don't stop kicking the front door and screaming, I will assume that your mother had a good reason for locking you out of the house right now, and call the police.

Love,
Bear



Dear subconscious:

I did not need a dream about ants and birdseed in the cat litter box. Nor am I going to attempt to interpret it, so you can stop trying.

Love,
Bear



Dear world:

All right. I'm up. I'm up. Whatever you wanted me for is waiting until the coffee perks, however.

Love,
Bear



P.S.

Dear UPS guy:

Thank you for bringing me my shiny box of author copies last night. New book smell is almost as invigorating as coffee, and I don't even care that the FedEx guy is cuter.

Love,
Bear

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