July 3rd, 2007

problem cat

a witch queen never dies

Cat: Get UP, monkey! I'm dying.
Monkey: Wha? Huh?
Cat: The world is on fire! The natives are restless! The houseplants are rioting!
Monkey: You're on my shoulder. That makes it hard to get up.
Cat: How can you sleep while Rome is burning?!
Monkey: I don't have a fiddle? Ugh. Argh. I'm tired, cat. Go away.
Cat: Look at you, wasting your life in bed. Isn't there something you're meant to be doing?
Monkey: Sleeping off the novel and the four-hour slushkill last night?
Cat: *disapproves*
Cat: Monkey, are you dead?
Monkey: Yes.
Cat: Well, there's nothing for it but to eat you, then. I've read about this.
Monkey: You've read about pets eating their dead owners?
Cat: It's in one of your crime scene investigation manuals.
Monkey:  ...
Cat: Sloth is a Deadly Sin, you know.
Monkey: Hey, I got up and took a shower and fed you before I went back to bed. That's not slovenly. And neither one of us is christian.
Cat: Have you looked at this place recently? It's a sty.
Monkey: I've been working too hard to clean. I suppose I could turn the robot on....
Cat: I am going to pretend I did not hear that petty threat. Are you up? Monkey?
Monkey: Yes. Damn you, cat. Look, you have food and water. What's the issue? Hey, why are you going back to bed?
Cat: You were on my pillow.
Monkey: ...
Cat: YOU need to write your Storytellers Unplugged column for Sunday. What were you going to do it on anyway?
Monkey: Um. How to write an interesting blog. Or maybe the joys of writing traumatized characters.
Cat: Admit it. You haven't even thought about it.
Monkey: I have so! Look, the file is even open on my computer!
Cat: Whatever. Also, I read you manuscript last night. And you're right, the last chapter is ass. I left it scattered all over the floor by the printer so you would know which part to rewrite. From scratch. Again. And there's a wikipedia slapfight over Fred Saberhagen's death.
Monkey: Wha. Wait. Saberhagen died?
Cat: Can't be sure. Too soon to tell. Trends are not promising. But there's definitely a slapfight.