throw another bear in the canoe

Just what I needed today (not!) but I posted anyhow. Maybe just writing out some of it will help the knotted guts and pain... I dunno. Because just being me is hard right now. It's weird, because I thought, you know, that I was past it all. That I'd done the work, healed enough to be a functional human being, and now... pow. Not so much.

That happens to me all the time. I think I've got it fucking *dialed.* And then something else pops up.

It's iterative values of normal, I think. You fix one thing, and realize there's another tier of functionality behind it.



Edited at 2011-09-21 05:56 pm (UTC)

Thankfully, I had a functional family, for the most part. I realize how lucky this makes me.

I think I'll make a pie instead of reading that. Don't feel like being triggered today.

This. And also, the things I do today can be products of what happened to me. I work to be kind to myself about those behaviors, even if I think I need to change them.

I think learning to be kind to ourselves is the hardest thing for abuse survivors to do.

God yes.

The worst place we perpetuate the cycle of abuse is on ourselves.

Thank you, Bear. For this, and so many other things.

You are very welcome.

Thank you.

My family "primed the pump" so to speak and then my peers did the dirty work.

Except for those of us who *are* awful freaks, and although our parents might be the cause we've got to suck it up and take responsibility for the evil actions we've done as adults. The first step in taking responsibility is vowing to never rear children of our own.

Yeah, I think I'll avoid posting on that thread. But thanks for pointing it out, it's an interesting read.

There is that. And taking responsibility for an correcting our own evil actions is something we all have to deal with, sooner or later.

What you said.

Catherine

I have dysfunctionalities in my childhood, a couple of them deeply serious (sexual abuse, suicide attempt), but they were not a result of bad behavior on the part of my parents. Even today I have one of the better adult-family relationships of anyone I know.

I realize how incredibly fortunate this makes me.

...right now I have so few spoons all I dared to stick around for was a well-taken warning not to watch Tangled without a lot of understanding cuddles, a teddy bear, and something incredibly comfort food.

But given the fandoms I hang out in, that's an excellent warning to have.

Thank you for the affirmation.

I've got... a permanently adolescent cat.

no?

galeni -- Don't we all wish we could swap for cave trolls ! I thought I was doing All Better ... and found Not. Damnit having to do this over and over and over, and never Done.

I hope you have someone you can share your memories with. I've lost the one I had, and so keep pushing this rock up this damn hill again and again, alone. Salt tears never seem to add savor to anything.

Ooof. Those fucking rocks.

Simply, thank you.

You are welcome.

That thread defeats me. I'm just having too rough a time right now to even figure out where to start with it. Maybe next year.