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bear by san

March 2017

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writing goddamned verbs slithytove

buy your dreams a dollar down

More writing as breaking news:

Temur closed his eyes and smiled against her shoulder

Had it not been for his growing sense of unease, Temur might have closed his eyes and smiled against her shoulder

Had it not been for his growing unease, Temur might have closed his eyes and smiled against her shoulder

If not for the unease growing in his belly, Temur might have closed his eyes and smiled against her shoulder.


If not for the unease tossing in his belly, Temur might have closed his eyes and smiled against her shoulder.

If not for the unease tightening his belly, Temur might have closed his eyes and smiled against her shoulder.


If not for the unease constricting his belly, Temur might have closed his eyes and smiled against her shoulder.

If not for the unease tossing in his belly, Temur might have closed his eyes and smiled against her shoulder.

Not a flashy sentence by any means, but this is pretty much how I write everything. Tweak and twist and pull and settle, fuss and pull out cliches and try out verbs and try to get the scaffolding folded out of sight.

It slows me down from how I used to write, but I think the end result is better.

Comments

Thank you again and again.... wonderful to see the process at work. By-the-by, I liked version 6 best.
Tightening bellies are a bit of a cliche, I fear. No go.
Huh.

You know, when I first started reading your posts like this, it seemed such an arcane process Not Meant For Mortal Woman To Ken, but the recent ones have been a lot clearer in how/why they're changing (to me, anyway). I'm not sure if this is a change in my level of understanding or if it's you picking different kinds of sentences, though.
I'm applying the same kinds of processes. I'd say it's all you.
Really like these posts. Interesting to see this one go forward and back.

EVERY sentence?
And every paragraph. Those don't happen in order either.

Neither do scenes.