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bear by san

March 2017



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problem cat

i would rather be alone than pretend that i'm all right

Cat vs. Monkey: back in the vet clinic again

dateline: 10:00 am Monday morning, after a sleepless night for everybody...

Monkey: Well, here we are in the exam room waiting for the vet.
Professional Dog Breeder Related To The Monkey, Along For Moral Support And Because The Vets Know Her By Name (PDBRTTMAFMSABTVKHBN): I don't wait well.
Complaint Department: [For once in her life, is not feeling well enough to comment]

*door opens*

That Nice Dr. Malm: ...
Monkey: This is the Complaint Department. She currently really does have something to complain about.
That Nice Dr. Malm: Karen*, that's a cat.
Monkey: She's the only one.
(PDBRTTMAFMSABTVKHBN): We like a little variety. Don't worry, there are still nine Briards at home.
That Nice Dr. Malm: Thank goodness. For a moment I was worried. Now, she's having vomiting and diarrhea?
Complaint Department: I'm sure it's something that Monkey did wrong.
Monkey: And she's dehydrated. I'm worried about a gastric obstruction: she was acting like she had a hairball, but... nothing.
That Nice Dr. Malm: Well, if she's passing stuff through, she's probably not obstructed. Normally, we'd see no stool at all under those conditions. But there's a lot of other issues it could be, and I want to prepare you: some are fairly serious.
Monkey: ...we know.
Complaint Department: Monkey, are you really going to permit this person to lay hands upon me?
That Nice Dr. Malm: Well, her abdomen feels pretty good. No masses. Let's do a film and some bloodwork.

[a film and some bloodwork are carried out offstage, amid protestations and demands to Unhand Me, You Varlet!]

That Nice Dr. Malm: Well, here's her x-ray. As you can see, there's nothing visible on it that shouldn't be. And we'd be able to see any problems; this cat is... very clean inside right now. No signs of cancer or any obstruction.

[audible sighs of relief from everybody except the cat.]

Complaint Department: How would you like it if I talked about your bowels on the internet?
That Nice Dr. Malm: So I'd say, pending bloodwork, we've got a nonspecific gastritis or inflammatory bowel disease going on here. We'll keep her overnight for fluids.
(PDBRTTMAFMSABTVKHBN): "What's this outline here?"
That Nice Dr. Malm: That's intestinal gas inflating her colon. And this little bubble over here--That's a fart.
Complaint Department: I never.
Monkey: Could have fooled me.

*(PDBRTTMAFMSABTVKHBN)'s name is Karen, if you could not figure that out.


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Nothing like cattitude when they take the feline temperature during those visits.

Or... "In which we take the fuzzy balloon to the vet".

Is she feeling any better?

Still reluctant to eat and has the runs, but recovering slowly. Much more herself, and rehydrated.

Thank you.
Oh, Complaint Department on her still-unimpaired dignity. Let's hope her health and comfort recover to match it.
*good kitty thoughts*
I very much appreciate the title of this post.

If the Complaint Department allows, give her some ear skritches from me.
Poor CD, I hope she doesn't end up with a food intolerance out of this. Cats are surprisingly unmoved by the "no, you can't eat that, it will make you sick" line of reasoning.

Cat in my icon is a string/cloth/plastic/dustbunny eater. He knows not the meaning of "NO - that will obstruct your insides and make you splode!"
Frakking toddler-monkey in a cat suit...
I'm sorry Miss CD is unwell, but ... *snertle* :)

My vet likes to play "find the picture" in stomach/intestine x-rays. So far, she's found a mitten-shaped gas pocket (so when Moosedog toots, we say he's making mittens!), broccoli, Pearl the whale from Spongebob....... it's pretty dang funny, even in the midst of "oh lordy what's wrong with his stomach NOW??" :D
Have you recovered from your deserved shredding for Letting That Varlet Lay Hands Upon Me?

I'm sorry you had to take the CD in to the vet, but I'm glad she is feeling better.
Poor kitty, but glad they've ruled out anything serious.
The worst is picking up a cat to give it cuddles and the pressure from your hands making it fart. Ugh ugh ugh.

Cat burps are also pretty gross.
I for one will not be surprised if the Complaint Department does tell the internet about your bowels some night when you're sleeping.

I'm glad she's perking up.
Awww. It's very good to know it's nothing serious! Feel better soon, Presumptuous Cat!

Best wishes in purr form from the Feline Overlord in full Occupy Lap mode here.
That Nice Dr. Malm: [...]And this little bubble over here--That's a fart.
Complaint Department: I never.

*hysterical giggling*

The Hannah-cat likes to curl up next to me, face outward. Every once in a while, I want a gas mask, ASAP. She, of course, acts innocent. Or gives me the "What have you done? That smells horrible!" look.

Cats. *shakes head*
I used to have an English Mastiff who liked to lie under my desk and snooze while I worked.

He was a biological WMD.

Once he woke himself up, it stank so bad. And as he got up to leave, he gave ME a dirty look.
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