it makes a grown man cry.

Pick up the nearest book to you.
Turn to page 45.
The first sentence describes your sex life in 2012.

"He was conscious, but too weak for want of air to curl a finger or blink an eye."

--Shattered Pillars, Elizabeth Bear.

Hey, I'm editing.

Closest book NOT by me is The Russia House (John Le Carre), which offers:

"'Niki, first we have to thank you, pal,' Johnny said, in lazy East Coast American."