it's a great life, if you don't weaken (matociquala) wrote,
it's a great life, if you don't weaken

  • Mood:
  • Music:

why are the wicked so strong?

Michele Fogal interviews me, mostly on gender roles.

Fran Wilde interviews me, mostly on food.

Tor is giving away its spring fantasy collection, including Range of Ghosts.

I feel like I need to say something more about the first link, which is this:

I've had my sexuality mocked, miscategorized, and dismissed--sometimes by people I had previously trusted very deeply--for my entire adult life. I've been not straight enough/not gay enough/too dyky/not dyky enough/too monogamous/not monogamous for somebody else's standards all my life. 

You know what? Nobody else's opinion fucking matters in the slightest. Right now, I happen to be in a monogamous relationship with a heterosexual male, and I have every intention of maintaining that relationship as long as it's possible to keep it going as a net positive in both our lives. He's an astounding and challenging and rewarding human being, and I think I'm lucky as hell that some unexpected interpersonal alchemy took us where it did.

But this relationship does not retroactively abrogate all of my other relationships.

I don't actually like defining or labeling myself, because all of the labels feel awfully simplistic and binary and false to me. I certainly don't fit society's established roles for women--but I consider that society's definitional problem, not mine. I consider my gender and sex and sexuality to be pretty much fucking irrelevant to who I am and who I love and how I interact with the world at large. The former two are biological issues, with no more bearing on who I am than the color of my hair.

The latter has a hell of a lot to do with who I am--probably the only thing more central to my identity than who I care for is my art--but it's always been a matter of for whom I care, and genitalia has very little to do with it.

So the reason I identify as queer--and, when I can force myself to feel like I'm not appropriating somebody else's identity, as genderqueer*--is not because I feel a personal need to claim it as an identity (I don't actually consider either thing important to my identity in the least), but because I consider it important politically to be out. Because I'm here, and I do not fit into society's boxes, and maybe it's comforting for somebody else occasionally that I exist.

It's an activist choice, in other words. As for what other people think of me? I don't actually care, unless I have an intimate relationship with them.

And I support anybody's right to self-determination when it comes to their own identity, their own body, and the people they love, partner with, and have wild one-night stands with.

*I've gone through this as an abuse survivor too: how can I claim it when other people had it so much worse than I did? But dammit, it's important to be visible.
Tags: adult survivor, burning sappho loved and sung, interviews, teh gay, that boy i like
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